"To crush your enemies...see them driven before you and to hear the lamintations of progressive talk radio."
BARACK THE BARBARIAN: QUEST FOR THE TREASURE OF STIMULI #1
Written by Larry Hama, art by various, covers by Tim Seeley and Rachelle Rosenberg.
From a far away land rises a mighty hero. The son of peasants from two different realms, the one known only as Barak protects the people of Hope Kingdom at all costs. Watch as he takes on the likes of Boosh the Dim, Red Sarah, and Cha-nee the Grim in this first issue!
K this is totally cracking me up right now. Its not like he gets his head in the bag and struggles to get out...he actually walks around the house and still can find his way! Like he has some cat radar or something. And its all so casual. Classic. Cat videos rule the internet and my sad, sad, little life.
SARNIA, Ont. - A cardboard cutout of a coyote designed to scare off Canada geese in a southern Ontario park proved so realistic it prompted an attempted police takedown. Sarnia city hall staff purchased a pair of the animal cutouts hoping they might help reduce goose droppings in the waterfront park and set them up last summer. But after a few weeks the cutouts vanished. 'We just figured vandals took them,' said Terry McCallum, Sarnia's director of community services. 'You can't put up any really fancy signs in the park because they usually disappear. 'But the full story has only now emerged. A jogger out for a run early one morning came across the coyote cutouts and was so startled she ran to a nearby construction site. There, she told a worker a coyote had 'barked' at her and that she feared it would give chase, McCallum said. The worker called 911 and Sarnia police were dispatched. They arrived on the scene and quickly surrounded the coyote, only then discovering it was made of cardboard. The police, smelling an elaborate prank, confiscated the cutouts.
Spy fantasists can now buy their very own James Bond car, complete with hood-mounted machine gun cannons and rocket launchers secreted by the front grille, for just $125,900 U.S. -- and it's even street legal. "The weaponry is fake, of course, so it doesn't work but it looks realistic," says Cloverdale businessman Mark Stuzka, who has teamed up with Exclusive Motor Cars to produce the Ultimate Spy Car. "Neither can it be operated when the ignition is switched on, as the last thing we want is people ahead being frightened to death at the sight of a cannon in their rear-view mirror." The revolving licence plate also won't flip while driving, so don't think you can beat that speeding ticket by displaying a phoney number! Stuzka will display the custom supercar, inspired by the Aston Martin featured in the James Bond movie Die Another Day, at the Vancouver International Auto Show this week, and will be taking orders. "We plan to produce just 200 in the next four years so they will keep their value as a collectable car," he says. "In the first three months, we have already sold 20 per cent of the production run. "We are getting calls from all over the world, including Belgium where a man there has changed his name legally to James Bond. "Stuzka said he came up with the idea when he and friends were thinking of building supercars for people who don't have a million dollars. "It just seemed like a great idea and we soon realized there was a great opportunity here to fulfil some people's spy fantasies," he says. The Ultimate Spy Car is hand-built and sits on a Ford Mustang chassis with an extended wheelbase. Under the hood is a supercharged Ford V8 engine that delivers power Bond would be happy with during an escape or pursuit. "The beauty of this car is it can be serviced at your local Ford dealership and it uses parts widely available," adds Stuzka. You can choose either manual or automatic transmission and pick your own exterior and interior colours. Then, when it is delivered, retrieve the complimentary bottle of Dom Perignon and two glasses from the glove box and toast your new life of adventure.
For more details, go to www.exclusivemotorcars.ca/spypackage.html.
COOOOOL...my cousin had this and I remember going to the craft store for more special plaster and then it NOT shrinking the way it was suppose to. I never felt more cheated in my life. Remember - "Now shrunken heads for all occasion..." because how many time have you been at a BRIS and said to yourself, "What this party needs are a couple of shrunken heads."
These are real gems. No one who lived in Canada in the early 70s can forget these that aired every morning before school started. I was amazed that I still knew the songs after all these years. Oz was particularly trippy and twisted but Pinocchio had it own brand of weirdness. We all tried to talk like Robby the Rubberman which annoyed our teachers to no end. Good times.
I have been wondering when I could use this Simpson's Hercules drawing and today on Super Punch I found a link to the 12 Gay Labours of Hercules by Jason Rhode. And lets be honest..that caroon from the 60s was about the gayest thing Herc ever starred in. Not that there is anything wrong with that though. In the 70s that was one of the only cartoons we could get besides old Looney Tunes and Hanna Barbara and sometimes even those great sources were not enough. We ALL know who Newton, Toot, Helena, King Dorian, Dedalus and The Mask (the all time WORST villian in cartoon history) were. Just listen to the theme song talk about 'softness in his eyes and iron in his thighs' and try not to make the connection. Matching belt and ring? Brother was STYLIN!
THE 12 LABORS OF GAY HERCULES. BY JASON RHODE
1.Come out to your loved ones in a way that is honest, unreserved, and will not kill your mother or emotionally cripple your father. Also, avoid the temptation to retort when Zeus says "Two? In my own family?" and shifts his eyes to Athena, goddess of wisdom. Later, in private, encourage Ares to follow your lead.
2.When a well-meaning clan chief offers you the hand of his daughter in gratitude for cleansing his kingdom of wicked giants, find a way to decline politely. Also, try to cut him off before he begins to recite his exalted lineage in reply—and do so in a way that doesn't involve you saying, "Yeah, yeah, I was born of Zeus, too, pal."
3.Commit to nonviolent protest of the "Don't ask the oracle, don't listen to the singer of tales" policy practiced by my fellow Argonauts. When they reply "Only those fully of mortals born lie with other men, Hercules!" (and they will), point out the obvious example of Achilles. That should shut them up.
4.Write reply to the ignoramuses on that Internet message board, explaining that just because your name means "glory of Hera" doesn't mean that you're feminine, and how many helldogs do you have to capture, anyway, to prove it?
5.This summer, engage in no more drinking contests with Dionysus. They make you bitchy and oath-breaking. Remember what happened with Prince Hylas at that lyre concert?
6.Find a lion skin that makes you look less fat.
7.Keep patience when some well-meaning Athenian bursts out, "Oh, so you must like Aristophanes' Will and the Graces!" Explain exactly why Aristophanes' play is offensive, and that, by all of the caverns of Hades, there are some things that even jackals would not laugh at, things that would only amuse a wine-bellied satyr fool.
8.Do not panic about nearing 45 and not having settled down. Remember why you left the bar scene.
9.Put aside dislike of the Amazons at this summer's Hercules-Hippolyta-Hermes-Tiresias roundtable. We're all on the same side. Hippolyta forgave you for that girdle-looting business, so do not sigh when she brings up Angelina Jolie. Again. Without unity, the community will be as weak as Antaeus was when you lifted him off his Mother Earth and crushed him.
10.Explain in agora why the Pantheonist position of "Love the hero, hate the daemon" is such an amphoraful of shit.
11.Learn to wrestle angry, giant bears—of both kinds.
12.When cleansing the world of monsters to make the earth safe and habitable for humanity, remember that prejudice is the greatest monster of all.
This is the best concept I have seen in a long time. You got a robot with a floating head (Chadworth Machine) and a devil (Bestio Wand) driving an ice cream truck in the long commute in Hell. Created by Daniel Davis its based on his own hell commuting for three hours in the hot Arizona heat. That is a recipe for comedy gold folks. The scene doesn't change much but the conversation is often the kind of talk you have with your friends or co-workers while trapped on a long commute. I also like the way the artist/creator gives his own commentary afterwards where he discusses the source of the day's strip and they more than often come from his own life experiences. I enjoy that technique which comes from the school of thought that says "write what you know". Oh and the two bickering furnace goblins (Horst and Grist) that shovel the coal that fuel their vehicle are pretty sweet too. Proof that having a vision and believing in it are all you need to create some really neat stuff. Keep it simple stupid. I found these different representation of our 'heroes' on Super Punch which is a great source for all things geek.
Now I am huge fan of the toaster. When have we not had the option to have toast? It was the first appliance any of use ever learned to cook with. What kid hasn't gotten up early Saturday morning to make his/her own breakfast? There is nothing so great as a toasted cherry poptart. I have the coolest retro toaster that was one of the first things I bought for myself when I started working at it still works some twenty years later. These modern ones that cook an egg and two english muffins at the same time are awesome because then I can do my own McMuffins. I am not a fan of the ones that burn an image into my bread. Too much like finding the face of Jesus on a tortilla. So lets have a toast...to the toaster.
WOW..five hundred posts! That is amazing even to me. Its nice to have something productive to do everyday even if its just for myself and for those few of you who have visited and commented. As Barry White would say "My unlimited love to you all." This blog has helped me get through a long winter and gain some fresh perspective on life and where I want to take things in the future. I was never one to care about what others thought and considered myself lucky for that. I was never held back from the things that interested me just because I felt that someone else would judge me harshly for loving the things that I do - no matter how geeky or childish or esoteric that they might be. I have my late father to thank for that and all of you for validating that belief in myself. Here's lookin to the future.
Anyone who knows me knows that I have a mad love for historical Chinese epic films like 'Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon', 'House of Flying Daggers', 'Hero', and 'Curse of the Golden Flower'. They have a different style of storytelling than western films and the historical realism and fight choreography are second to none. No wonder the makers of the 'Matrix' sought out many of the same geniuses to create their unforgettable combat scenes. The latest one I enjoyed is called 'An Empress and the Warriors' and once again takes place in distance Chinese history and is full of royal intrigue, beautiful cinematography, stirring music and those quiet moments that allow you to rest from all the stunning battlefield eye candy. It takes place during a time when the state of Yan is under constant warring with the state of Zhao. Evil men try to keep a young princess from taking her rightful place as Empress after her father dies and it falls on her childhood friend to train her as a warrior so that she can lead her father's troops into battle. Of course her evil cousin has no plans of letting the crown slip from his fingers so he sends his assassins to murder her before her coronation. However, she is rescued by a forest hermit/doctor who of course she falls in love with. His forest home reminds me of the great tree top fort from the Crusoe TV show. Despite the quiet moments and the charming love story there is always room for some kick ass battles and retribution at the end. I am a sucker for that combination. How do you love anyone else when you have loved a princess? Like General Martok said on the Road to Kalhya, "We are not afforded the luxury of choosing the women we fall in love with." So true. So check out this film if you don't mind subtitles and are looking for something epic and different.
I have taught in some pretty ratty portables even ones equipted enough to have toilets. There were always freezing and the toilets had a bad habit of overflowing at the least opportune times. This, however, is the coolest one I have ever seen and would be awesome to teach in if only to make the cockpit my office. And the kids would have to call me 'Captain' if they wanted some help. Ms Neusbalm, my aide, would have to wear one of those stewardess outfits from the sixies. And I want my own Captain's hat.
As an education tool, an 82ft-long commercial airliner is a sure bet to take teaching to new heights. The Short 360 is to be used as the UK's first aircraft-based classroom for primary school pupils. Youngsters at Kingsland Primary School in Stoke-on-Trent cheered and waved with excitement as the decommissioned plane was delivered on the back of a lorry yesterday. They will use it as a creative learning space for geography lessons and imagine they have flown to the locations they are studying. The craft was decommissioned after racking up thousands of hours flying businessmen on routes to Ireland and Spain. It was bought for less than £20,000 - half the £40,000 cost of a mobile classroom. Head teacher David Lawrence said the plane will be fitted with its wings and kitted out with whiteboards, desks and laptops to make it a 'user-friendly learning space' for a class of 30 pupils. Mr Lawrence said: 'We wanted an outside classroom and talked to the children about the kind of space they wanted and they came up with the idea of a plane themselves, so we thought we would see how we could go about buying one.' But teachers watched in horror as the decommissioned plane hit unexpected problems as it approached its final destination. First it ploughed into the side of a terraced house, scraping the brickwork and thumping a satellite dish. Then, after two hours of manouevring through a tight gateway, it smashed into a lamppost on the school driveway. Youngsters were left gasping in amazement with pupil Connor Myatt, 11, exclaiming: 'This is really funny, I can't believe what I have just seen.' Referring to the crash landing, Mr Lawrence said: 'I didn't plan for this but things don't always go as you expect them to. Once it is finally in place it will be great for the kids.' The school teamed up with Creative Partnerships, a government learning programme, to dream up the fantasy classroom, which has really taken off with staff and pupils. The airliner was sourced from Retro Aviation, a supplier of vintage aircraft equipment that has provided plane gear for hit Channel 4 show Lost. Rachel Billington from Creative Partnerships said: 'We were trying to find ways we could make the school a more creative place for pupils to learn and teachers to teach. 'One of the pupils came up with the idea and we've managed to make it a reality. It's going to be here for years, and it shows the kids that if they have big aspirations they can make them happen.' But the immediate aspirations for homeowner Paula Brannigan, 40, are the repairs she will be having on her house after the collision. She returned from a shopping trip just in time to witness the plane crash into the side of her house. She said: 'I was absolutely flabbergasted. The grinding noise as the plane hit was terrible. Fortunately my children weren't home - but my cat was and he was definitely startled by the whole thing.'There is some damage to the bedroom window and the plaster work but the school have already said they will pay for the damage.'
I am sure this title has more to do with an incomplete translation of the original Japanese title because there are no cats in it, no catshit either. But its always cool to see cute fluffy animals committing acts of atrocity.
Does this bother anyone else? One day you are a simple pong playing brain and the next its killer computer time. And where will Insectasaurus be to save us when THAT happens?
"Researchers have built a chip with the equivalent of 200,000 neurons and 50 million synapses in an effort to mimic a human brain in silicon. I, for one, welcome our simple-minded overlords. From Technology Review: Although the chip has a fraction of the number of neurons or connections found in a brain, its design allows it to be scaled up, says Karlheinz Meier, a physicist at Heidelberg University, in Germany, who has coordinated the Fast Analog Computing with Emergent Transient States project, or FACETS. The hope is that recreating the structure of the brain in computer form may help to further our understanding of how to develop massively parallel, powerful new computers, says Meier...FACETS has been tapping into the same databases. "But rather than simulating neurons," says Karlheinz, "we are building them." Using a standard eight-inch silicon wafer, the researchers recreate the neurons and synapses as circuits of transistors and capacitors, designed to produce the same sort of electrical activity as their biological counterparts."
This is an example of when NOT to listen to critics and just follow my inner geek. Just saw Aliens and Monsters and it was as wicked cool as I imagined it would be. The sequence where the President has to go through all the steps to just make contact with the alien invasion machine is priceless fanboy joy. You go Steven Colbert (though we all know that Barack would have bitched slapped that alien probe all the way back to Alpha Centauri - told you before - HE GOT THIS BITCHES!) That Beverly Hills Cop theme was eventually gonna be the death of all of us anyways. And who can deny Insectasaurus his Oscar next year? That kids gots moxie I tells ya. But I got a fear that he will be typecast limiting his romantic leading man options. The theatre I saw it in was packed with kids and they laughed at all the same things their parents did. The sight gags are very funny and come at a quick pace. Just the kind of movie I would create. Now I am waiting for the TV series beacause I could watch the cgi and chacters everyday. The voice work was excellent and the characters are interesting especially Susan who though clearly out of her element is brave, spunky and resourceful and way too good for Derek - the loser. Link's got some issues too - just like any male who doesn't like to be shown up by a female and tries way too hard. Its those touches that make this a new favorite for me. I think for my repeat viewing that I am gonna see it in 3D as it was intended to be seen.
Because that is how they getcha. First they dress you up like this and when you get older they indoctrinate you in their octopus invasion agenda. Well I am hip to your scheme and am on the phone to social services right now.
This one pefectly captures the kind of people I love to hang around with or talk to online. Try to guess which one I am and which they are. Hint - sometimes we switch roles and THAT is what makes the world such a great place to breath the air.
After that Nickelback rant I needed to clense my palette with a bit of Catface. And yes I know I am in danger of becoming that crazy smelly cat man in the future but frankly its all I have to look forward to. VIVA CAT FACE. Now I can't get that song out of my head and thats what really drives you insane. And when I DO finally lose it you will know because I will be wearing THIS hat....
When a no-talent group like Nickelback can sell so many CDs and win a load of Canadian Music awards (the Junos) then I no longer have faith in the future of Canadian Music. We have such unique talents and all the attention goes to this group that is less than a garage band and who produce the least melodic and worst written crap that is an embarrassment to anyone who truly loves music. I defy anyone to listen to any one of their songs and be able to sing along too it (or want to). They take the fun out of even that. When I can rewrite your songs in my head when I am too slow to hit the scan button on the radio then you know its time for them to pull a Buddy Holly - if you catch my meaning which they probably don't because it doesn't seem like they have any knowledge of what makes a song or a group great. Nonsensical, tuneless and repetitive and that is being generous. They embarrass us all and if we could deport them I personally would drive them across the border or a nearby cliff. Thank YOU Junos for keeping this train wreck on life support for awhile longer and for making Celine Dion the one we can be proud of. Apologies world.
Its the well dressed dinosaur gigalos taking all the victorian women away from us and that, I think, bother me the most. Them with their lizardly charm, rich musky scent and their fancy boy capes. How can I even compete? And I am an awesome conversationalist and a much better dancer. Loch Nestor there had all the advantages and we know the culture is set up to keep a white brother from getting a little 'somethin somethin' if you know what I mean.
When I wrote to famous Luchador El Gato I was so disappointed they mailed me a picture of a guy so clearly NOT a Mexican wrestler. I should have figured it out when his autograph was especially sloppy.
In a time of recession there will always be large food to make us all feel better. From the 6 pound burrito in Vegas to this new Bonecrusher burger from Dysart's Truck Stop in Hermon Maine we like our monster lunches. In fact sale of guns, liquor, fast food and chocolate are doing a brisk business in these soul crushing times. I would love to tackle this bad boy but I am hardly a tiny Japanense guy. They can pack away more than I ever could. Hey but I would have something for lunch the next day...well next two days.
"Of course, hearing about the BoneCrusher and taking one on are two different things. The monstrous hamburger is composed of an entire pound of beef with the works, and then topped with onion rings to boot. A couple of buns and a side of fries can comfortably feed a family of four " and it tastes good, too. Of course, I only had half, and that was enough to put me in a food coma for the rest of the afternoon, but it was worth it. That's what investigative reporting is all about."
Contains everything I will need when I make my getaway. Not heading to Mexico though because they will just kill your ass. And I burn in the sun without a large hat much like a sombrero. Either way I am not gonna pass for Jesus Lopez anymore since my conversion to the Jedi faith. I see the need for everything in my bear but ROPE?
"Russian scientists noticed the image of Jesus Christ on the meteorite which fell down on the Earth about 100 years ago. The image is identical to the one that appears on the Shroud of Turin. The meteorite cracked into two as it rammed into the planet in the Far East of Russia. The image of Jesus Christ’s face can be seen on the split. The meteorite was dubbed Boguslavka, after the village where it had been found. The face of Jesus Christ on the meteorite is just the same as on the Shroud of Turin, the linen cloth bearing the image of a man who appears to have been physically traumatized in a manner consistent with crucifixion. It is kept in the royal chapel of the Cathedral of Saint John the Baptist in Turin, Italy. It is believed by many to be the cloth placed on Jesus of Nazareth at the time of his burial. The meteorite is now kept at the Moscow-based Geological Museum."
These are some cool splash pages from Fantastic Adventures in 1939 that show what they believe our contact with the inhabitants of our solar system would look like. I love this kind of speculation from the weird environments to the creative space suits. I wonder if they consulted legit scientists for their opinion or just let the art department run wild. They do seem to look at such factors as environment and gravity but from there these look like the kind of creatures my elementary students would create in science class (heh heh..Uranus). In fact these are getting printed for my files so I can use them in the future if I decide to go back to the classroom which after two years is something I am missing very much.
I forever stand vigilant to protect this planet from the myriad of forces that are always against us. Be it the octopus, zombies, aliens or the robots my team of human agents, and our feline allies, circle the globe in a never ending struggle for human freedom.
I learn all I can on every subject that interests me. I especially enjoy ancient history because in the past there are valuable lessons to be found. Also, if I ever get my time machine to work properly, it would be good to know a bit about possible destinations and what to expect when I get there.
I greatly appreciate beautiful design. Be it manufactured or found naturally I am fascinated by the process of invention. I am attracted to the unique, the strange, the haunted. I like to share what I find on this blog.
And not let us forget the 'Cephalopod Menace' who, if allowed to, would wrap their tentacles around all that is good and pure in this life and crush it until it remained no more. They are creatures of pure spite. Hate is all they know. Death is all they do. They are our most ruthless and determined enemy.
So we fight. Selena has the celebrity contacts, the cat is ruthless and without pity, Roosevelt's ghost has the experience and I do the wetwork.
Fighting for the future of the planet doesn't have to be a chore, however. We can take the time to appreciate all that is cool in this world even as we cut the octopus into bite sized chunks.
This is the reason there has always been and must forever be, a Cave of Cool. Be sure to wipe your feet before you enter.