Sunday, June 6, 2010

Oh No They Didn't!!

Now I know that the cephalopod bastard can manipulate tools. We have seen this when he carries around a coconut to use as a hat or a house. We know that they are soft and squishy - boneless if you will. While this evolutionary trait allows them to squeeze into smaller and smaller tubes and spaces, it does nothing to protect them against your modern spear guns or jack hammers.

Now, I hate to point finger or name names but some human collaborators (you know who you are) seem to think that developing ARMOR for the octopus is a good thing. "Lets send them into battle with those evil humans and give them a fighting advantage" - forgetting all along about the sticky tentacles and ink blasters they already possess.

Let me remind these numnuts that once they break through the front lines of the struggle, who do you think they are coming after next? Yes, that's right, your plump and juicy high fructose corn laden children lounging about in their backyard 'Mr Turtle' pools.

That is not the time for you to suddenly grow a conscience and regret that you ever put pen to paper, designing these armored abominations. Either you are with your fellow two legged genetically similar neighbors or you are a dancing monkey in the cephalopod's circus of death. (can we just pause for a moment and recognize that that last bit was some FINE piece of writing?)

Choose your side wisely and choose now. NO NO NO, you don't have to ask your wife. Man up and make a choice for once. I am sorry we ever taught you how to weld in high school metal shop. Personally you make me sick.

1 comment:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Next thing you know, they will be arming sea slugs, too.