What I Missed

I have been in a world of hurt lately. I knew that someone was gonna try to kill me once my identity became public knowledge. Drawing them into the open was the only way to bring their whole evil cabal down. When you tuck your children in their beds tonight you know who the thanks for them NOT having tentacle/sucker bites all over their bodies. This weekend I fell down the basement stairs - all fifteen of them. You would be amazed how time slows down so you can count each one individually as you are diving towards your doom. I brained myself on the cement floor on the bottom of the stairs and I think I broke my foot. Now being alone and not having one of those 'life alert' bracelets (shut up Lisa, I realize how timely your jokes about my aged broken down body are - I HAVE fallen and I CAN'T get up) I spent the best part of Saturday making it back up the stairs then converted my computer chair into a wheel chair that will not get over the half inch barrier at each door so I have to get out of it...move it..then continue my happy trip down the hallway depending if I want food or to use the toilet. After a pleasant hospital visit I was told in language even a four year old can understand that first the swelling has to go down. Then, apparently, I need to suffer more according to Dr. Karma, before anything can be done to fix my boo boo. The next day I was performing my Moscow Circus Bear Balancing Act and fell down again, this time crashing with a large juice and a plate of 'Easy Mac'. Now you would think that 'Easy Mac' would cushion the blow someway or somehow but not when you land on a breaking plate first. That left me with an impressive three inch gash just under my elbow right to the bone. I hope you have the mental picture of me picking macaroni and cheese out of my wound. We Canadians are famous for loving macaroni and cheese with ketchup so the cultural irony was not lost on me. I was also fascinated at how rubbery a texture ripped open skin has just above and just below the wound. The bruised tailbone was just a little extra prize - like getting a Mandarin orange in your stocking at Christmas. Thank you to all of you who expressed concern for my absence. Its nice to know that my pity party was not short on atendees. I have no idea when i will be back to full strength and fighting the battles you have known me to fight. For now I am one big 'OWWWWWIE'. So from a man at the bottom of human achievement to one who reigns at the top, I give you Usain Bolt's world record setting run at this weekend's World Track and Field Championship from Berlin. Its in German and that just adds to the otherworldly nature of the feat that is being performed. My father and I loved watching track and field especially during the summer Olympics and Canada can claim at one time that we had the fasted man alive in Donovan Baily. However, Bolt is a totally new class of speedster. 9:58 seconds?? - are you FREAKIN kidding me? That is superhuman speed...that is FLASH speed. Enjoy the moment. My unlimited love to you all.