I didn't write this but I wish I had. The author (who is unknown) seems to understand the basics. Feel free to add your worldly advice in the comment section. You know you want to. The basics are, don't be a dick and be cool. Do that and everything will be fine.
“The world is a hard place to survive. Falling in love. Broken hearts. Standing up for what you believe. Arachnids and an entire week dedicated to sharks. Earthquakes and economic meltdowns. Nine dollar beer nights at your favorite pub, and fashion statements that should have died years ago returning from the grave. It’s not easy to be alive through all this, let alone survive it as a gentleman. We must remain intact and stand out amongst the rest. No matter how difficult it gets out there. And the best part is, you can still look cool while doing it.
Now that you have the essential tools for surviving the 21st Century as a gentleman, it’s time to be cool.
Call her the next day. The “wait three days rule” will always be cool to break.
Rules that are not cool to break: Never date your friend’s ex, never date your ex’s friend, never date your ex’s roommate, no cutting in line, no cutting a “line” in the bathroom, keep a napkin on your lap while dining, and it’s still not okay to go in a woman’s purse.
LOL is not only NOT okay, it’s never cool.
Your socks should be as colorful as your wardrobe. Don’t be afraid of plaid, argyle, or stripes beneath your jeans or black slacks.
A gentleman never publicly worries, complains, or comments about money. A gentleman who is cool never hesitates to pick up a tab or loan to a friend in need. Remember, if you’re making more than 2 dollars a day, you’re considered in the top 3% of the richest people on the planet. Would you like some perspective with your coffee this morning?
At a business lunch, give your credit card to the waiter before you’re seated. This ends the debate when the meal is finished before it even starts.
Make eye contact with a woman. Then buy her a drink before going on your way, and leave it at that. The transaction is over, and she’ll be left thinking about you the rest of the night.
Buy a cup of coffee for the person in line behind you.
Displaying your masculinity at the bar or club like a lion stalking a wounded herd of scattered sheep is never cool. This representation of the circle of life in the animal kingdom always ends in a bloody massacre, so take note: stay cool, calm, and collected when she walks into the room. Eye contact with a smile from across the way is often your green light to casually approach the situation, and make your introduction.
You are not your job or how you pay the bills. Upon introductions, ask someone what it is they “do,” really do with their life, and not how they put food on the table. Not only can this question change a person’s entire day, it will also tell you more about them than any question regarding their salary.
The cooler you are, the less of your phone I should see. This is not a green light for your wireless earpiece to be worn at all times. If your hands are not at 10 and 2 on a steering wheel while you’re closing a million dollar deal in Japan, then take it out, jerk. You’re not as cool as you think you are.
Don’t be afraid to make decisions, even if you’re not the authoritative type. Call the shot. Whether or not your gun is loaded, pull the trigger.
Stay cool by being creative on dates. Anything is better than going for drinks. Take her for a balloon ride, a hike, or bowling and forget to keep score. Play cards in the park, or even steal street signs if she’s the mischievous type.
Never lose your cool. This is very un-cool.
Throwing up is never cool unless you’re with the band.
Facebook is a public place. Stay cool by staying mysterious. Lose the inside jokes and status updates every 30 minutes. No one cares about what you are eating, where you are going, how cute that little dog was hanging out the window, how you take your coffee, or what you are wearing. And that picture from college of you with a funnel, standing on a keg, and your best friend, Pete, licking your face…untag yourself, brother.
Make your yes’s mean yes, and your no’s mean no.
Always speak with confidence no matter the subject matter.
Hang out with people cooler than you. This makes you cool by association.
Lose the baggy clothes unless you make millions performing gangster rap.
Popped collars are not cool. They were never cool. Unless you’re Dracula or an Elvis Impersonator, keep ‘em down. This look only works with your winter jacket. All other occasions: unacceptable.
Ask her out. It’s that simple. She’s been waiting for you to do it, I promise. There’s nothing cooler, or sexier, than a man who has the confidence to walk across the room and ask out a woman. And if she says no? Treat her exactly the same way you did thirty seconds ago before asking. Surprise. Your world didn’t stop and implode. The exhilaration of taking this risk is hard to top, no matter the results. Disclaimer: This is NOT permission to go asking out every woman in a thirty-mile radius like the world is going to end tomorrow. Very un-cool.
Am I cool? I own five shirts and one pair of boots, and wear the same jeans six days a week. My hair is too thick and I can’t grow enough facial hair to look rugged. I sometimes talk too much instead of listening too well, and I don’t have a six-pack. You’re damn right I am cool. Because it’s not about the way you look or the sound of your voice or your job, it’s your state of mind.
Remember, no child is too young to know about the glory that is Krampus. He is the Yang to Santa's Ying. In a perfect world maybe they could be friends but they got a job to do. One rewards and one punishes. It's the way of life in a harsh world full of fear and Krampus. Where we lived in Germany he was called Black Peter and would go around with a bundle of sticks to beat on the kids who tried to collect candy that Santa had just thrown on the ground for them. It was all very surreal. One year they hauled my sister off in a horse drawer wagon with a cage on it. They must have packed ten kids into that thing. I thought I was getting a gift but they gave her back after about an hour of fear. Nothing like living in another culture to teach you that Christmas is not all presents and gingerbread.
This entire line has gotten me excited because of all the extras they provide you with. A Mr. Freeze figure with a clear helmet is enough for me. Better still, you get the spider legs to save the head if it ever gets separated from his body. Fantastic. Another figure that also displays very well. I love the Bruce Timm inspired designs straight out of the Batman animated series.
I would read the hell out of this comic all day long. I know these panels are from three separate issues but in my mind it's all one glorious adventure...on the highway...like Death Race 2000, only with Spider-Man in a car fighting against the Shocker and other Spidey villains in their own customized rides. Like Wacky Races with superheroes. Now THAT is a million dollar idea.
I forever stand vigilant to protect this planet from the myriad of forces that are always against us. Be it the octopus, zombies, aliens or the robots my team of human agents, and our feline allies, circle the globe in a never ending struggle for human freedom.
I learn all I can on every subject that interests me. I especially enjoy ancient history because in the past there are valuable lessons to be found. Also, if I ever get my time machine to work properly, it would be good to know a bit about possible destinations and what to expect when I get there.
I greatly appreciate beautiful design. Be it manufactured or found naturally I am fascinated by the process of invention. I am attracted to the unique, the strange, the haunted. I like to share what I find on this blog.
And not let us forget the 'Cephalopod Menace' who, if allowed to, would wrap their tentacles around all that is good and pure in this life and crush it until it remained no more. They are creatures of pure spite. Hate is all they know. Death is all they do. They are our most ruthless and determined enemy.
So we fight. Selena has the celebrity contacts, the cat is ruthless and without pity, Roosevelt's ghost has the experience and I do the wetwork.
Fighting for the future of the planet doesn't have to be a chore, however. We can take the time to appreciate all that is cool in this world even as we cut the octopus into bite sized chunks.
This is the reason there has always been and must forever be, a Cave of Cool. Be sure to wipe your feet before you enter.