Snow Problem Buddy

It's totally unfair for me to mock those who are scrambling to survive in the snowstorms that have attacked usually snowless parts of the world, subsequently throwing them back into a lost ice age. However, it is very amusing for those of us above the 49th parallel to see you lose your minds because the concept of 'WINTER' is beyond your understanding. Nobody throws pity my way when I am surviving 100+ degrees on those rare summer days but because I am the better person, here is some practical survival advice:

*STAY ALIVE! WE WILL FIND YOU!

*You don't know how to drive in snow. Don't do it or meet Mr. Ditch.

*Yes, socks can be worn as mittens but I will still make fun of you for doing so.

*Maybe consult a picture of a snowman before you attempt to make one. Someone may film your effort and I will be obliged to make fun of that footage if I see it.

*Drink alot of booze - its a myth that it warms you up but if you stay inside you will not find this out personally.

*If your drunk friends run out half naked into the snow, lock the door. Trust me. In about two minutes you will laugh yourselves silly as they realize their mistake and promise you anything to let them back in. It's a no-fail way to finally bring some life to that boring party of yours.