I spent my high school years and many years past that, through University with my friend Shauna in my life. She got married to my best friend Adam (who knew each other before they met me) and the two of them always included me in the clique.
Gradually I lost both of their friendships. I would like to get it back, especially after finding her FaceBook page today. Not much there but I can see her not putting much time into something so frivolous. I wonder if they ever think of me the way I think of them. I couldn't even tell you if they were alive or dead.
What would you do if you were in my situation? Would you make the effort and risk rejection? Now this is knowing that the current way things are is safe and rejection will crush me. I haven't seen or talked to either of them for over 15 years.
My instinct is to just leave everything alone and to not make my life more complicated.
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15 comments:
The question is: Are they still married?
If they are then I would be prepared to be welcomed superficially but at the end of the day...
If they are no longer married then take up with one or the other, but if you get back in touch with her, be prepared to be the friend who listens dutifully while she agonizes over her divorce/separation/current relationship.
Can't take heartache? Do nothing.
Do you think that you can take the risk? Then do it. Go big or stay home.
Free advice. Worth what you paid for it.
I'd send a "Hi, how are you doing, wish I hadn't lost track" kind of message -- brief and vague but warm and friendly. Put the ball in their court...but be prepared for them not wanting to play ball. Did your friendship end because of any bad thing happening, or was it just a case of friends drifting apart as life took you in one direction and them in another?
They are not in your life now, so the worse that can happen is they continue to not be in your life...
In other words.
"There are two paths before you grasshopper. One path leads to stillness, the other to possibilities..."
Stillness or possibility.
Gotta love the faux oriental wisdom of Master Po.
Absolutely you should. If you were good friends then you'll pick up again. That's theoretically what facebook is for.
Nothing ventured...
and other miscellaneous cliches.
I'm in a situation that's similar, for me i figure they don't even think of me anymore so i don't try, knowing me i'd make it worse in my fumbling way.
I hope you can connect with them amigo.
I have had a sort-of similar experience with a few old friends I met on Facebook. I friended them to see if they wanted to be friends once again.
We did become "Facebook" friends. And we chatted a bit, and occasionally still. But mainly it is a different, superficial relationship now than it was back when.
And you know what? I am okay with it. It gives me a bit of closure on always wondering, and also gives me the feeling that we are "okay", as it is now. If that makes sense.
Can't promise they will accept or whatever for you, as well. But my opinion is to go for it. Like someone said above, if they don't go for it, you are no worse off than before. And at least you will know.
:)
Life's too short to be afraid of rejection. I agree with MD (and everyone else): go big or stay home.
Sometimes we all need a little frivolous. That's my feeling, anyway. I had a friend leave facebook because he "got tired of wasting his time looking through everyone's posts for something meaningful." Sheesh. Way to not be with the program, there, pal. (I still read his blog, though. Just because he couldn't get the FB vibe doesn't mean he's not worth reading any more.)
And...I'm babbling. In re: your real question here - I say go for it. Win, lose, or draw, at least you threw it out there. Why not?
how did the relationship end so many years ago... if it was good, then there should be no problems with a re-connect. if it went sour, maybe a forgiving smile to them would open the door again.
whatever happens, remember all the good times!
Some things are worth a little risk. Even if things ended badly before, there could always be a chance for amends. Don't be scared - there's already enough of us "scaredy cats" out there anyway. Just go in with no expectations and make the most of it. If anything good happens, then, well "looky there", you have two old friends back in your life!
Thanks for all the great advice folks. My people are the best I always say. I left a message on Facebook for her so let's see what happens.
I think you did the right thing... I can't see why they wouldn't want to catch up. :)
I hope things go well! :)
I agree with Pat and Wings...okay, so are you going to update us if she responds?
There will be many updates if things change. As of now, no reply.
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