Bring It Bitches

"Invading Canada won't be like invading Iraq: When we invade Canada, nobody will be able to grumble that we didn't have a plan.

The United States government does have a plan to invade Canada. It's a 94-page document called "Joint Army and Navy Basic War Plan -- Red," with the word SECRET stamped on the cover. It's a bold plan, a bodacious plan, a step-by-step plan to invade, seize and annex our neighbor to the north. It goes like this:

First, we send a joint Army-Navy overseas force to capture the port city of Halifax, cutting the Canadians off from their British allies.

Then we seize Canadian power plants near Niagara Falls, so they freeze in the dark.

Then the U.S. Army invades on three fronts -- marching from Vermont to take Montreal and Quebec, charging out of North Dakota to grab the railroad center at Winnipeg, and storming out of the Midwest to capture the strategic nickel mines of Ontario.

Meanwhile, the U.S. Navy seizes the Great Lakes and blockades Canada's Atlantic and Pacific ports.

At that point, it's only a matter of time before we bring these Molson-swigging, maple-mongering Zamboni drivers to their knees! Or, as the official planners wrote, stating their objective in bold capital letters: "ULTIMATELY TO GAIN COMPLETE CONTROL."

This is great reading. I wonder why America never put this battle plan into motion? Maybe because it's a stupid idea. But if you really think this is a good use of your time and treasure then have at it.

Good luck trying to get Quebec to give up it's French language and culture to assimilate into your wonderful melting pot. Good luck in Newfoundland. I love those Newfies but they are crazy.

I don't think I need to remind you of how Napoleon and Hitler did when they tried to take over Russia, a country with similar weather conditions as Canada - and it's the weather that will be your biggest problem.

That's a long, cold freezer that your boys would be fighting in. Any soldiers coming from states that do not border us would not be so happy or effective in the cold, cold tundra. But you Yankies know best.

I welcome our new American overlords until they lose the first toes to frostbite or Polar bear attacks.

If anything will force them to re-think their position, I am sure it will be that.

Follow the link below to learn more. I love the title - 'Raiding the Icebox' - cute.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/12/29/AR2005122901412.html