The Periodic Table of Awesoments

Viva Knievel - Greatest Childhood Toy Ever

Without a doubt my all time favorite childhood toy. Built for heavy duty use both the figure and bike were absolutely indestructable. I once fired mine off a ramp five stories off the ground and upon landing the motorcycle kept going across the grass and then cement. Although all my childhood toys were lost in the 'great disaster' after returning home from Europe I recently got the replica release by Ideal Toys. My Dad always bought me action figures and that one Christmas I had both the basic Evil and bike set along with the Stunt Stadium and Scramble Van. That had to be the best Christmas ever in terms of all the great toys I remember getting. These ads from the back of comic books of the 70s are beautifully drawn and colored. This last picture is one of the last toys my father bought me - the remastered toy released in 2005

Dickhead Octopii # 2 - YES # 2!!!

What is it with Octopuses and Australia? Both can kill you outright just when you are having a good time. I don't even want to look at the ocean after reading this article about this charming tentacled killer. Added bonus that he is small enough to fit in your shoe or your island flip flops - another reason why flip flops are the devil's choice of footwear.

What the Fuck is That?

Imagine you are on the vacation of a lifetime and you opt to explore the shallow tidal pools on shore. After scavenging through all the dully colored shells, you come upon a tiny octopus. As you approach, bright blue rings appear on the its skin. Curious, you pick the magical creature up. Luck is not on your side today. The appearance of those bright rings is the warning sign of the blue-ringed octopus.

What's this Funny Feeling?

Or no feeling, as it turns out. The beak of the golf ball-sized bottom feeder is strong enough to pierce through wetsuit gloves and give the handler a fatal dose of venom. You probably won't feel the toxins, at first. That's only because you'll be completely paralyzed. But believe us when we tell you that you'll begin to feel pain when you realize you can't breathe. The venom from these tiny sea creatures is created by the bacteria that live in their air sacs. The deadly cocktail contains ten toxins in all, designed to leave you paralyzed and yet completely aware of your surroundings.

Will I Be Alright?

It all depends on how much the people around you know about what's happened. If they realize that you've been bitten by a blue-ringed octopus (whose venom is powerful enough to kill 26 human beings within a couple of minutes), rescue breathing may keep you alive. But if no one is aware of what happened, you'll probably just appear dead to the world. Nobody will know that you're paralyzed and can't breathe. As they pack you into a body bag, your body reflexively shitting itself, your one final thought will be: "Man, fuck Australia."

Hey Bub...Its ON!!!!

I just saw the new trailer to the Wolverine Origins movie and it looks spectacular. It seems that finally people with a love for the original source material are being put in charge of making these live action comic book movies. Like Dark Knight and Iron Man this movie looks to be amazing. I have always maintained that Hugh Jackman is the perfect embodiment of Logan and from what I have seen today I still feel that way. They may have taken some liberties with Taylor Mane as Sabertooth in the X-Men movie by making him look almost too cartoonish but Liv Shrieber in the Wolverine movie seems just perfectly arrogant and self confidant to be Logan's equal or better. I love that they are taking the history of the character right back to the beginning when he was James Howett a sickly rich kid who pops his claws for the first time into his father's killer to start us on the characters long road through tradegy to redemption. The effects look killer state of the art and even Gambit (who I hate in the comics) comes across as sleek and cool. That cajun accent will just seal it for me I am sure. We get some great shots at the various fighting styles Logan employs to best utilyze his powers. The 'cat pounce' of Sabertooth lives up to his name as a feral assasin. Not to be missed. This is one I have to see in the theatres I am sure. May first - my father's birthday.

http://www.bamkapow.com/x-men-origins-wolver-trailer-is-out--2204-p.html

Still the Greatest Comic Book Cover Ever

Wasted LOL Cat of the Week #3

Things I Can Do Without In '09

1. Proactive Commercials- they just never change and take up what seems like an entire half hour. While most commercials are 60 seconds or less this one just goes on and on. Even the soundtrack is grating on my nerves. I love Jennifer Love Hewitt but its enough already.

2.Anything with David Caruso in it. I have banned CSI Miami from my watchlist and when I broke that edict yesterday I was instantly reminded of just how terrible an actor he is. From the stupid way he delivers his lines to the pregnant pause that preceeds the removal of his sunglasses he is just a bullet away from making that show an actual emmy contender. He just drags down a night of TV that doesn't need another reason to suck. Where is Ray Romano when I need him. People think Thursday is must laugh TV but I need to giggle on a Monday.

3. Every third Marvel comic written by Brian Michael Bendis. While I acknowledge his ear for dialogue (strangely the dialogue of teenage girl characters like Mary Jane Watson) his rececnt event comics - House of M, Secret Invasion and now Reign of Evil are just alot of noise signifying nothing. There is a lot of talking but no real action or story advancement takes place. Certainly none that could have been wrapped up in a single extra sized special edition. Secret Invasion was one idea (an earth invasion by the shapeshifting skrulls) that ended up being nothing more than an eight issue fight between the aforementioned Skrulls and the heroes of the Marvel Universe. No motivations beside the invasion were ever revealed and the end left us with super villians in charge of the world. How that came about I would have like to know or at least have had the chance to deduce the clues that should have been passed along the way. So no more huge crossover events that promise to change the status quou but who in actually change nothing. The heroes on the outs are still outcasts and only Iron Man has really joined their ranks. So the whole Secret Invasion was to show Tony Stark that karma is a bitch? What a waste. Concentrate on making each issue of each chaacter's individual comic better and keep them away from these huge crossovers where they only get lost in the shuffle and lose the things that make them individually a great read. For example by having both the IMMORTAL IRON FIST and GAURDIANS IN THE GALAXY even involved in this invasion only diluted the great writing and momentum building in their own books. Final Crisis from DC suffers from this same hubris and throws most of DCs titles out of continuity and makes the drama resolved in them to be moot. Batman RIP is a perfect example of this. We lost Batman who shows up in Final Crisis the next month. That kind of continuity confusion does little to prop up the various universes that are DC comics. Grant Morrison can either be really great (All Star Superman) or really really crappy (Final Crisis, Batman RIP). I just wish he would be more consistent cause when he is good he is the best that there is but when he sucks its just more of an insult.I already have twelve thousand comic books and have not bought them for many years due the insane increase in prices that made it very impractical. When it costs almost five dollars for a book you first of all remove them as a smart investment. But I have little motivation to collect the "floppies" when I can download nearly all comics I wish to have off the internet bit torrent sites (and for free). Call it technically stealing all you want but until someone designs a busisness model that prevents me from doing this then I have no fear or remorse of guilt for these large corporations. The comic corps (DC and Marvel -the big tow) have lately become addicted to the dollars they can pull in by selling dozens of comics tie ins just so a faithful fanboy/geek can fully follow the lastest earth shattering CRISIS or HOUSE OF M or most recently Civil War and Planet Hulk. I have been burned to many times by publishers who take me for granted and promised change and great reveals about my beloved characters and the end of each of these epic events. Now since we all know that UNCLE BEN is the ONLY character that really stays dead any challenge to the status quo can't help but come off as hollow or false. Give me someone to love then take her away so I can pine for her evetually triuphant return seems cheep and maudlin.

4.Assholes that put up movies on Bit Torrent sites that are not the actual movie but instead direct me to another site where i am suppose to purchase software to release the blocked content. I have learned what to look for but I occasionally get fooled and waste dowload time for movies (primarily) that I really want to see. I don't even mind if the movie was shot on cam as long as I don't have to attend a theatre and spend the money for outrageous overpriced movie tickets. For most of my life I saw all the stuff both good and crappy that hollywood put out so now I feel like the technology gives me the proper right to view before I buy. Stop the technology that allows me to do that and you stop my ability to pick and choose what DVDs I eventurally buy. In this year I can only think of THE DARK KNIGHT and IRON MAN who deserve the full big screen tv effect and are worth paying for. And paying for TV is just wrong. Just cause I miss my weekly shows I shouldn't be kept from seeing them when others are more than willing to share and seed. For the same reason I no longer buy music. Pay for 13 songs and like only two. We are beyond that kind of a scam people and while we are at it how does the comic industy thing they can survive by charging 4-5 dollars for a single comic book. I may buy the collected editions or the telephone sized ESSENTIAL volumes but for my monthy comic books I am going the bit torrent download route since most creators today are giving me little actually worth me spending cold hard cash on.

5. People who don't read my blog entries despite the fact that I the most interesting person that I know. You would think that SOMEONE out there would see that and validate my pathetic musings as the brilliant nuggets that they are. Please tell my you like me; that you really like me.

6. Facebook friends who don't catch up with me on a regular basis. Since many of them are beloved old friends from school or cadets they hold a special place in my heart and memories and I assume I do the same for them. My resolution is the make my end worthy of replies and conversation and sharing on a more regular basis.

7. The rift between Me and Cory and Cousin Cyndi and all other relationships that I have chosen to neglect in the past. The closer they are to me the closer they should be to me

8. Any movie trailer that promises me an "Adventure of a Lifetime" or any tv crime drama that tells me that to miss this weeks episode would be "criminal". arghhh!!!!

9. Killer robots, zombies, aliens and alien zombies - same as every year.


10. Squirrels who think they are "all that" and Llamas that just encourage their delusion. Llamas are just troublemakers and gossips who get all the other animals all rilled up. But when the shit goes down on the farm they are NOWHERE to be found.



11. Less metal lunchboxes boxes in my lunch box collection.



12. Best Buy commercials. I hate the way they express what they want by the reaction the reciever of the gift will have. I have many reasons to hate Christmas but having to endure these commercials is top of the list. Almost as bad as the Roger's 'gang' and their fake emotions and phony bonding. With two cute girls in the group the guys would be cutting each others throats to get into bed with either of them so in order for the commercials to 'work' the three guys would have to all be gay which kinda makes sense now that I think about it. The blond does do a good job of acting surprised that she got a flip phone for christmas so you just know she could fake an orgasm like a pro. Just don't look at your watch when you are doing it sweetie. It totally spoils the moment for me.

13. Animals (pets) that wear cloths. Nuff said.



14. Playtex Sport tampon commercials. Why even make regular if you have this heavy duty prodduct around? Perfect for those days during your period when you are playing soccer in the day and rockin out with your all girl band (in your white pants) at night. Like that ever happens. Well it happens to me but I digress. Its that lame ass kick the girl does just to show she is a REAL rocker and confindant about her protection. Why do we need commercials for these products anyways. Its not a secret anymore.

15. Any informercial...as bad as they are I hate hate hate them the most when they do that little black and white scene that shows what your life is like BEFORE you purchased the marvelous pasta maker or the pancake genie. First of all why is it in black and white...is my life in black and white at any time? Am I a noir film? Is it 1942?? Will my family really rebel and kill me if I don't make them heart shaped pancakes? Can I really get all this for $19.99???? Somebody stop the madness!! And am I an olympic diver? Do I really need a SHAM WOW? And before you ask me what do I do when I spill Pepsi on the rug I have to tell you that I have hardwood floors..bitches!!!!


16. Commercials for the MINI POPS album. They are already on #5. These CDs from K-Tel which made crappy products but awesome compelation albums in the 70s seem to only make this one product these days. And the commercial is the worst part. Tweeners who are the most annoying wannabees ever sing kid versions of popular pop songs with all the emotion of an american idol audition or a difficult bowel movement. And their dancing is a combination of hip hop and white old men rockin it out at a relative's wedding. The little blonde girl is cute but the rest are the worst kind of child actors/singers even to come down the showbiz parent trap. Wanting to smack someone you see in a commercial does not bode well for your product K-Tel. so K..I am TELling you to knock it off. They offer a DVD with the CD that has the MAKING of mini-pops...how about one showing the DEATH of the mini-pops. I would pay for that.

Engraved Chunks O' Wonder

You gotta believe that if I had these blocks when I was a kid that I would have become the evile genius that was my destiny. How inspirational to anyone wanting to take over the world. They cover all the disciplines you would want to study.

A - Appendages | B - Bioengineering | C - Caffeine | D - Dirigible | E - Experiment | F - Freeze ray | G - Goggles | H - Henchmen | I - Invention | J - Jargon | K - Potassium | L - Laser | M - Maniacal | N - Nanotechnology | O - Organs | P - Peasants (with Pitchforks) | Q - Quantum physics | R - Robot | S - Self-experimentation | T - Tentacles | U - Underground Lair | V - Virus | W - Wrench | X - X-Ray | Y - You, the Mad Scientist of Tomorrow | Z - Zombies

Lenticular Clouds Over Mnt Ranier

One of the coolest sites I have ever seen are these very strange cloud formations unique to Washington's Mount Ranier. They are called lenticular clouds and are formed when the combination of warm air rising and cold air falling creates these circular outworldly patterns. Like SUN DOGS they always make me feel that we are being visited by aliens cause it would be just the kind of disguise that a spaceship would use. They certainly are hypnotic.

Dickhead Octopii

I just read an article about Otto the Octopus from Cologne who is a total troublemaker. Just because they closed the aquarium for two months and he doesn't like the light shining in his tank he has been squirting water at the light causing it to short out. In the process causing the electricity to shut down on other tanks around him. So let me understand this...this Octopuss is so much of a dick that he would endanger all the other marine animals in his neighborhood just to keep the porch light from annoying him. Now that is a philosophy I can get behind. It figures that he is a German octopuss. I understand everything now. When he got finished with the light he started juggling hermit crabs in his tank. WOW...that is one ocean dickhead. And we all know how I hate the water because it contains too many things just WAITING to fuck you up. From Great White Sharks (who don't even like the taste of us) to that tiny little Australian octopus whose sting kills instantly you are just asking for trouble the minute you enter the water. I always make sure I let them know (in a loud voice) that I am entering the ocean and if ANY of them even brushes against me I will FREAK OUT! I mean 7/10ths of the world and you got to invade MY personal space? That is just selfish and dickish. I hate fishing also...no let me rephrase that...I like being in the boat...I like putting the hook in the water and I like when the fish bites the hook..but after that you have to deal with the fish yourself. I don't want to see it until its a breaded fishstick on my plate. I don't like the floppiness on the bottom of the boat and that big mouth gasping that they do...or their slimy bodies...ICK! So deal with it or I will just throw the whole fishing pole and reel back into the water. That is how serious I am about this. Its a deal breaker baby. Like when I play Monopoly. I HAVE to be the magic hat or I don't play. I have never been anything BUT the magic hat. Also could never date a COKE drinker. They may have settled for me but settling for COKE is just wrong and makes me suspicious of any of their opinions or decisions.

Tales to Astonish Our Robot Overlords

The early days of Marvel Comics were amoung the most creative times in publishing history. I would have loved to be there when they were inventing these characters. All you needed was a name and an image and the stories practically wrote themselves. A few years ago I purchased an anthology of these early monster comics and when I taught I would always have the kids make up their own. They are timesless. But anything that grows to insane proportions always bothers me since science taught me that as height increases mass increases exponentially to the point where the creature cannot possible support its own weight. So biological terrors are out but the mechanical horrors are the real ones to worry about. I just takes one unethical scientist to build a robot and program it WITHOUT using Asimov's LAWS OF ROBOTICS to make it horrible for the rest of us. For those of you who forget...


"A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law."

So eliminate these safegaurds and you get the Matrix where the machine create themselves and when that happens we can ONLY be a disappointment to them...us flawed illogical creatures; a virus on this earth, consuming everything in our environment until we leave it uninhabitable. Well put it like that and I would hate us meat bags too. So regardless any stinkin self actualized robot is just waiting to put the metal shiv into our backs. So I say NO to A.I. As John Conner would say "Smash every one of those metal motherfuckers!"






And this bastard thinks that just cause he plays some mean licks on his axe and has a bubble helmet that he can distract me from his real agenda and distain for us all. In case you need insurance against this kind of thing check out this commercial from Old Glory Insurance..."Just for when the metal ones decide to come for you..and they will!"

Free Video Hosting

Oh and when it comes to a choice between donuts and robots its a no brainer...yeh robot...put that gun to your head you metal assed bastard! "SPRINKLES Will Robinson...SPRINKLES!!!!"

Just Because...

Can you imagine a world where this happens? I can...and its cool.

Chrante Deti

The following nine pictures are from a series of Czechoslovakian matchboxes from the 40's or 50's with a child-safety theme. But to me they look like they are just encouraging children to do stupid things...especially foreign kids that don't know that 'chrante deti' means 'look out stupid children' Oddly enough, there's no pictures of a child using matches, whether to start fires or light mysterious cigarettes. And I ask you...Are matches the appropriate venue to impart safety wisdom to children anyway? But more proof that the war really messed some people up.










This one is my favorite picture on the matchbooks...if a kid has got the guts to steal a ladder I think he would have better things to do with it than jump into the bailer. Did this kind of ladder/bailer accident happen alot in post war Czechoslovakia??

The Ghost Who Walks

The Phantom or "GHOST WHO WALKS" is one of my favorite literary characters. I want more than anything to get this mego based Phantom action figure complete with stone jungle throne. I already have the Captain Action Phantom outfit but this guy is my X-mas dream. The Phantom was one of the first newspaper strip heroes and the first to wear a skin tight costume and no one can deny the coolness of his look. Its every superhero stipped to his essentials complete with striped underwear and matching 45s. But I think its his origin and the details of his life as a fictional character that I like the most.

From Wikipedia -

"In the jungles of the fictional African country of Bangalla, there is a myth featuring "The Ghost Who Walks", a powerful and indestructible guardian of the innocent. Because he seems to have existed for generations, some believe him to be immortal. In reality, the Phantom is descended from 20 previous generations of crime-fighters who all adopt the same persona. When a new Phantom takes the task from his dying father, he swears the Oath of the Skull: "I swear to devote my life to the destruction of piracy, greed, cruelty, and injustice, in all their forms, and my sons and their sons shall follow me". (The comic strip sometimes runs flashback adventures of previous Phantoms.)

The Phantom of 2008 is the 21st in the line. Unlike most costumed heroes, he has no superhuman powers, relying only on his wits, physical strength, skill with his weapons, and fearsome reputation to fight crime.

A signature of the character is his two rings. One has a pattern formed like four crossing sables, "The Good Mark", that he leaves on visitors whom he befriends, placing the person under his protection. The other, "The Evil Mark" or "Skull Mark" has a skull shape, which leaves a scar of the corresponding shape on the enemies he punches with it. He wears the Good mark on his left hand because it is closer to the heart, and the Evil Mark on his right hand.

His base is in the Deep Woods of Bengali (originally “Bengalla,” or “Bangalla” and renamed Denkali in the Indian edition), a fictional country initially said to be set in Asia, near India, but depicted as in Africa during and after the 1960s. The Phantom's base is the fabled Skull Cave, where all previous Phantoms are buried. For a period of time, he also lived with his family in a tree house built by the Rope People - a tribe he had assisted. The Phantom has an Isle of Eden in which he has trained animals that are natural enemies to live in harmony, a Mesa in America called Walker's Table and a castle in the Old World.

The Phantom is a commander of Bangalla's world-famous Jungle Patrol, who never see him or know his name but answer consistently to his orders. Due to a betrayal leading to the death of the 14th Phantom, the identity of the commander has been kept hidden from members of the patrol ever since. The sixth Phantom originally formed the Jungle Patrol with the help of former pirate Redbeard and his men back in 1664.

Another character who has aided the modern-day Phantom is Guran, chief of the local pygmy tribe, who are the only tribe to know his true nature. Guran is the Phantom's best friend since childhood, and a support of his cause.

The Phantom has three helpers, a mountain wolf called Devil, a horse named Hero, and a trained falcon named Fraka. From 1962 on, The Phantom raised an orphan named Rex King, who was later on revealed to be the prince of the kingdom of Baronkhan. He also has two dolphins named Solomon and Nefertiti, and numerous other animals kept on the island of Eden.

In 1978, he married his sweetheart since his days in American college, Diana Palmer, who works at the United Nations. Guran, his best friend since boyhood, was best man. The guests present at the wedding included Mandrake the Magician, the Presidents of Bangalla, Ivory Lana; Luaga, and Goranda.

A year later, twins were born to the Palmer-Walkers; Kit and Heloise.

The Phantom's family have always played a significant role in the series. His romance with Diana Palmer was an ongoing part of the story from the beginning, and many later stories revolved around the Phantom becoming involved in adventures as a result of young charges including his children.

When the Phantom leaves the jungle, he dresses in a fedora, a trench coat, and sunglasses, and is known as "Kit Walker". References to "Mr. Walker" are traditionally accompanied by a footnote saying "For 'The Ghost Who Walks'", although some versions of the Phantom's history suggest that Walker was actually the surname of the man who became the first Phantom. Like The Lone Ranger, the Phantom does not allow his unmasked or undisguised face to be seen except by close friends or members of his family. In the newspaper strips, even the readers were never shown the Phantom's unmasked face clearly."

Wasted LOL Cat of the Week # 2

More Steampunk

I sooooo want to have a garage where I could create these kind of STEAMPUNK designs especially the watches, weapons and space gear. Who could not love a space helmet that fits over your top hat and goggles? I could say that I was born in the wrong century but this time never existed but we can all agree that is SHOULD have. And the outfits are also perfectly tailored for the ROBUST gentleman that I am (vest and large buttons hide a multitude of sins). And no outfit is complete without the steel glove and the properly accessorized pug (he is so Flava Flav). How else am I gonna get to carry a sword cane around? The world is very unfair. I already have the perfect beard for the 'look'. Now I need to find a local steampunk club. MMMMM steampunk girls. Princess Leia steampunk girls.


Assassinate THIS Mr John Wilkes Booth.

I Could Write a Graphic Novel Based On This Image

For some reason this one image sends my imagination in a thousand different directions. It just tells its own story. What brought Bob and Rob together? What kind of trouble are they getting into? And what is with Rob's hairdo...I mean really...just cause you are big and scary is no excuse to go crazy with the hair gel. Who is he trying to impress? And what will happen when St. Peter catches up with them???? The mind boggles.

A Well Dressed Apocalypse