Freed The Slaves AND Kicked Bigfoot's Ass

I love any stories about Lincoln. He just kicked ass with all his accomplishments, back woodsy gayness and 'special friendships'. So why couldn't he have decided to take on a legendary creature making trouble in his beloved forests? I have images of them both wrestling for control of that big top hat. What? There were no photos or films so you can't tell me it DIDN'T happen.

In "newly discovered journals," historians have found records that American president Abraham Lincoln embarked on an exhibition to hunt and kill the legendary Sasquatch.

In 1937, Lincoln searched in uncharted areas of the Western United States determined to find the ape man he had been told about by a Native American medicine man named "Darting Ferret."

Lincoln and his hunting party tracked the beast through the Northwestern wilderness, coming so close as to smell the horrific acrid odor of the animal. In his journal, Lincoln wrote, "It smelled like a cross between the stump end of a wooden leg and the devil himself if he were prone to vapors."

The group saw the apeman below while they perched on a hillside. The animal "had the hair of a bear, but the shape of a man." Lincoln, impetuous and never shying from a fight, charged the Bigfoot. Overpowered by the strength of Sasquatch, Lincoln was pinned down and at the creature's mercy.

Bigfoot only examined and smelled Lincoln. Then had mercy on Abe and walked into the woods. Never to be seen again. Both legends, Sasquatch's and Abraham Lincoln's have continued to grow.

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