Final Destination 5 (2011) SPOILER EDITION

I love nothing more than the Rube Goldberg like events that create the imaginative deaths in the 'Final Destination' movies. Where else can you see a girl fall off a collapsing bridge only to see her skewered on the top of the sail of a boat that just happens to be passing beneath the bridge at that exact moment in time? You have to hand it to Death. He is one creative mother trucker.

Of course, since this movie was released during this current orgy of 3D movies, you can expect every elaborate death to have a 'body parts flying at the audience' kind of effect attached to them. It's less silly than you think it would be when you are immersed in the blood.

I usually am not one for gore or the torture porn that passes for horror movies these days but I enjoy these movies. They seem more like live action cartoons than anything else - 'Happy Tree Friends' come to life with a splash of Tex Avery.

The plot of this one really doesn't matter. A group of good looking teens avoid their fates by surviving a collapsing bridge and spend the rest of the movie trying to outrun Death who we are reminded (by the very cool Tony Todd) doesn't like to be cheated of his prizes. Also if Death has to go out to collect his due souls, there is no reason he can't do it with some style and splats and squishes.

Can I say that the bridge collapse was spectacular? You could see that some thought went into creating CGI which was accurate to how such a collapse could happen in real life - the way each section swayed before it broke off? This was really nice digital eye candy.

This is one I think I would like to see in 3D because of how heavily it uses the effect. Like 3D film making for dummies but I still liked it. Maybe it's because I don't watch many movies from this genre that I get so ghoulishly gleeful watching the manufactured deaths in these movies.


It's surprising how many different ways you can die on a collapsing bridge. I would have loved to be in the writers room for that brainstorming sessions. I see what they put into the movie so what ideas didn't make the cut? Were those deaths either to soft or too hard for the producers to green light?

Wow, things that are sharp, spear people. Who knew that point on the end was there to make these projectiles easier to enter the human body...often en masse? Good lord. Nothing with a sharp edge or corner in the Cave. We start sanding down all the points tomorrow.

Of course in these days, the kids who escaped death due to the prescient visions of one of them, are first accused of being terrorists. Then they get a weak media nickname - 'The Lucky 8'. That is so those of us scoring at home can keep track of all the deaths and the ones to come.

I really didn't want to see anything bad to happen to Olivia (Jacqueline MacInnes Wood) who is beyond sexy with her short skirt, hot boots and great glasses. She was hypnotic.

Oh good lord. Gymnastic equipment. How come I can imagine 20 ways for people to die the moment I see where the next scene is filmed? Yeh, it would have to be the balance beam wouldn't it? Why do they always die on or near the BALANCE BEAM?

Okay, I just held my hands over my mouth just like a little girl.


Okay, to run her through the apparatus just to see which one kills the young gymnast is cruel. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee STICK THE LANDING! YOU GOTTA STICK THE LANDING!!

OOOOO buddy, you stole change and a gift certificate from a dead person. I hope your death is especially gruesome....and it IS!

All the deaths are gruesome with some sweet little touches. I hate when eyes and fingers are involved in these deaths. That is my personal 'SQUEAL' point.

This would be a fun drive-in movie with a group of friends. Each death is sicker than the last. I love how NORMAL all the characters try to act despite the fact that 5 people that they know have died in horrific ways in the past 24 hours. It's loopy and crazy like a Tex Avery cartoon.

TURN OFF ALL MACHINERY AND UNPLUG IT BEFORE CLEANING IT ESPECIALLY IF THAT MACHINE CUTS MEAT. DO YOU REALIZE YOUR FINGERS ARE MADE OF MEAT???

Nice twist at the end. Kinda brings things full circle in a way that rewards the long time fans of this series like me. Stay for the credits and enjoy the splatter reel from all five movies.

7/10