Another Meme About Me

1. Any scars?

Only the ones on my cold and darkened heart. Plus a part of my face under my left eye had to be repaired after a childhood dog bite. I have also been shot in the face by buckshot and hit by glass to the face in the same attack. I am a troll. Who could ever love me?
             

2. Relationship status?

I will die alone. It is punishment for all my sins and for daring to question the will of the gods. Blessed me with the intelligence to know all that I am missing out on they did while denying me the opportunity to have it and every turn. As evil plans go it's especially cruel. But I will always remember that I left all the women in my life better than I found them. I also wouldn't wish me on my worst enemy. I am a delicate and difficult hot house orchid.

3. Crush?

Today - Selena Gomez, 2 of the three sisters in the band Haim, Miss M, Your Momma (who is still sending me gifts when it's not even my birthday), the lady at the pharmacy that gives me my B-12 shot with LOVE, and most of the women curlers I will see this week. Just something about a women in stretch pants sweeping in front of a 40lb granite stone that gets my heat to fluttering.

4. Kissed anyone?

Lately? Just your mother but she propositioned me in the kitchen with her banana bread and an inappropriate joke about MY 'banana'. I am still confused but that banana bread was terrific.

5. Coke or Pepsi?

Coke is an evil corporation bent on world destruction and allied with our Octopus enemies. Pepsi is good and pure and fights the never ending battle for human freedom with a team of super powered agents who work in secret all over the globe. They also give us some cool tricked out dune buggies to cruise around in but I have said too much already.

6. Someone you hate?

Just myself. No one more than myself. Okay maybe THE MAN. I really hate THE MAN sometimes.

7. Best Friends?

All my friends died during the Cold War. "NO JOHNNY....NO!!! Don't go for the wall. They will shoot you if you try to cross the wall.! JOHNNY!"

8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?

What? Are you high to even ask that question?

9. What's your dream job?

Doing this blog during my three year trip to Mars and back. Or doing the same thing from Antarctica. But not the moon. I am not impressed with the Moon. What has the moon ever done for me?

10. Ever been in love?

Every day of my life.
            

11. Last time you cried?

I weep opening all kinds of inappropriate moments. Like when I ran out of your Momma's banana bread.               

12. Favorite color?

You can never have enough Crimson. It's the color of the Devil ya know?

13. Height?

No, it's spelled HEIGHTON.
               

14. Birthday?

 

June 1st - Same as Andy Griffith, Marylyn Monroe, Morgan Freeman and Brigham Young. That last one makes my head explode.

 

15. Eye color?

 

Blue within blue like the Fremen of Arrakis.

 

16. Hair color

 

Reddish gold with white streaks. You can find this shade on the hair dye aisle. Though I would like to equalize the color a bit but I know no one I would trust to do that. They would ruin my mojo.

 

17. What do you love?

 

In truth probably only myself and the cat. I am incapable of attracting the love of any other humans. It's like a voodoo gypsy curse was put on me as a child and I carry that demon around inside me. Maybe I am not deserving of love from anyone but myself. But I am okay with that. You bitches are the one's missing out because I am the most interesting person you will ever meet. You will never forget me.

 

18. Obsession?

 

See above then include toy collecting, blogging, television, movies, pop culture, cosplay, politics, history, my own thoughts and opinions on everything no matter how obscure or ridiculous and of course, your momma.

 

19. If you had one wish, what would it be?

 

To have had another twenty years with my father.

 

20. Do you love someone?

Are these questions repeating themselves?
           

21. Kiss or hug?

 

How emotionally manipulative of you to make me choose, Sophie. If you really loved me I could have both.            

 

22. Nicknames people call you?

Well my Rap name is Captain Funkateer Funk Swagger.

 

23. Favorite song? 

 

 

24. Favorite band?

 

25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you?

My father dying.
               

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?

 

The 40 years I got to know him before that happened.

 

27. Something you would change about yourself?

 

I would be less hard on myself and less angry at the Universe. Of course that doesn't mean I won't try to destroy the Universe one day in a fit of rage and inspiration.

 

28. Ever dated someone?

 

I am a tough person to like let alone love.

                

29. Worst mistake?

 

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

30. Watch the movie or read the book?

 

Neither. Your modern tools and devices frighten me as does the fire you seem to create out of thin air.

               

31. Ever had a heartbreak?

 

All my life is heartbreak of living in a world that doesn't work like I want and/or expect it to.

                

32. Favorite show?

 

That changes all the time but I was pretty impressed with Boardwalk Empire this season.

              

33. Best day of your life? 

 

Walking in the snow with Tara Crandal.              

34. Any talents?

 

My actual skillset would shock, delight and impress you.

                

35. Do you wish you could ever start over?

 

Only if I could know then what I know now but it never works like that does it? So I hate that question. And when I get my time machine to work the whole point will be moot anyways. I will go back and fix a lot of things and many people will be shocked how their little red wagons will get fixed. Mr Hitler for one and I don't care what you say about Kang's Forth Law of Parallel Timelines. I get it. I just don't care.

               

36. Any bad habits?

 

I don't sleep as much as I should. But I stopped fighting that urge not to sleep 40 years ago so why change now? I drink more caffeine free diet pepsi than I should because without the calories or the sugar then what's the point? I like to drive fast. I grow impatient and mental in the salad dressing aisle of the grocery store (too many damn choices), I have no unexpressed thoughts in my head.

 

37. Ever had a near death experience?

 

My whole existence is a near death experience.

               

38. Someone I need to tell something to?

 

 

 39. Ever lost a loved one?

My father - eight years ago. Greatest man I ever knew. "I have never seen death. But I will look and always remember."

             

40. Do you believe in love?

 

Love is a trap that I have successfully avoided all my life. My bitterness can attest to my success in that endeavour. A man can go crazy with that kind of loneliness or trying to fight it. John Steinbeck wrote that. I choose to hold onto the Well of My Bitterness. Once you make friends with your demons they are a lot easier to be around.

 

41. Someone you hate/Dislike?

 

 Sarah Palin is an idiot. I want someone to shut up Kanye West and that Kardashian mom deserves a wack upside her head with a bag of frozen oranges.

               

42. Are you okay?

 

Have you read anything I have been writing all these years? What is 'okay' anyways? Are you okay? Is everything perfect with you?