All I Ask Is That You TRY!

Especially if you are an editor on a small town newspaper. Check all headlines through your assistant editor who is not 70 years old and doesn't have any idea how 'jerking' can be perverted by a giggling mass audience. No longer is it the wholesome hobby of drying meats. Now it is a laughing stock. I hate to see it happen.

Unless of course the article is really about masturbation and some old guy won a contest. Now that is just sick. Their t-shirts all match. Is this some kind of 'jerking' team? How did they ONLY get 38 entries? How did you enter? Did you have to send in a video of you 'jerking' or would just sending in a sample be enough? You would think there were more freaks who would enjoy the completion out there, even in Conover. Now if you win the GREAT NORTHER JERK-OFF is there a nation competition where you go up against the best jerkers from the South and the West? Would European jerkers be welcome or is their whole reverse grip thing considered illegal? I can do this all night folks.

Once again I make fine use of my classical education.