This Is Me Again

1-How are you? Moody and unpredictable like a circus Rhino so you better watch yourself. 2-Post a picture of yourself. No 3-Do you ever wish you were someone else? Yes, someone Latin. I feel like I have the soul of a Gaucho. 4-What is your entire name? That I won’t tell you but my rap name is Captain Funkateer Funkmaster. 5-How old are you? This many (imagine me holding up 56 fingers) 6-Age you get mistaken for: Twice that. 7-Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality: It only does because it's so general that it applies to everyone. 8-What did you do on your last birthday? Wept for my lost youth and beauty. 9-What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday? Less weeping. 10-What is your hair color? Reddish brown 11-Have you ever dyed your hair? No but I did get a perm once and the boys called me ‘Sailor Mike’. 12-What is your eye color? Blue within blue, baby. 13-If you could change your eye color, would you? No, it’s my best feature. 14-Do you wear contacts/glasses? I wear glasses to drive and watch the TV. I can’t wear contacts because I keep wanting to rub something that is caught in my eye. 18-Do you have any tattoos? No. I am not a fan of the ‘scabbing’ process. 19-Do you have any piercings? Just my clitoris. 20-Left or right handed? Mama says left handed people are the devil. 21-What’s your sexual orientation? I do like the ladies especially as they are walking away from me. 22-Do you drink? Not as much as you would think. I just don’t see the point. I am a weepy drunk. 23-Do you smoke? The occasional cigar and some ‘Old Toby’ if you catch my drift and I think you do, Hepcat. 24-Do you have any pets? The Baroness Simona Bebe Von Katzenhammer of the Salzburg Von Katzenhammers. 25-Where do you work? WELL I BEEN WORKIN' IN A COAL MINE GOIN' DOWN DOWN WORKIN' IN A COAL MINE WHEW ABOUT TO SLIP DOWN - Devo 26-Something you are working on right now: My alibi. 27-Do you have any “rules” about food? I won’t eat any dairy products that I have not personally opened. I had a situation with chunky sour milk as a kid that I haven’t gotten over yet. 28-Where are you from? The Prairies of Western Canada.