Tomorrow Night Is Krampusnacht (From The Archives of Cool)

So gather ye baskets and heavy branches as ye may.

The most wonderful time of the year. I remember watching the parade every year when I was a kid and we lived in Southern Germany. The torches and the scary Krampus guys were the best. But they forever touched my heart when they grabbed my crying sister and my mother and dumped them in a cage and took them away. Never have I been more pleased and disappointed at the same time. I was not fan of them taking my awesome Mother but my sister was a great choice, as I was concerned. To me she was just the spoiled of war but then gave her back at the end of the night. Stupid Krampus is all talk. Not a bruise on her. I thought if the Krampus got you he got to beat your ass with a bundle of sticks? You had one chance to do me a solid and you punked out, Krampus.

 

At my very first Krampusnacht I watched the torches and watched the Krampus grab my sister and my mother and stuffing them in a cage on a horse pulled wagon. I thought my sister was gone but my Dad convinced me that I would miss my Mother if we didn't follow the wagon and retrieve them. The evening started well but turned into a chore. I was so annoyed that my sister had to be rescued that I no long feared the guy's in the Krampus costumes. Just more faux pagan bullshit without the balls to really carry certain children to Hell. Let's say TWO a season. Enough to keep your rep as the dark enforcers of the yuletide spirit of suffering and disappointment. It was then I only could admire them from afar because in the end they are just guys in scary costumes who come out one night a year to march through the streets pretending to terrify children. And Krampus is my very favorite thing ABOUT Christmas.