I Reprint This In It's Entirety Because It's The Best Piece Of Writing Ever

I was going to do a serious post tonight about the political climate and how it effects how we deal with natural disasters in this country.

I was, until I saw that Mario Kart Toad was trending on twitter. Me being the curios field Negro that I am, I decided to give it a quick look.

Honestly, I wish that I hadn't done that, because it ruined my entire day and possibly my week.

As you all may or may not know, Stormy Daniels has completed her tell- all book, and in it...I can't even write anymore. I will just let you read the following:

 "On Tuesday, the Guardian published some tidbits from Stormy Daniels’ forthcoming memoir, but you probably only heard about her graphic description of President Trump: “He knows he has an unusual penis … It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool.”*

She added, brutally: “I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart.”

Oof. As a longtime Mario Kart “mushroom character” player, my world was turned upside down, just like that. Where do I go from here?        

 

To start, I would ask Daniels and her editor, in invoking “the mushroom character in Mario Kart,” to please respect this icon by referring to him by his name: Toad. And I have to wonder: Is Stephanie Clifford a gamer? A big Mario Kart fan? If so, I assume she doesn’t care for Toad, because if she did, I don’t think her mind would automatically reach for that image when recalling famous, terrible sex." 

 

But I don’t mean to shame the president, or Daniels’ choice of words for his genitals. I am simply mourning that Toad, in my view the best Mario Kart character—both as a personified mushroom and as a racer—will now forever be associated with an “unusual” penis." [Source] 

 

To all you folks who loved to play Mario games back in the day, this must be devastating. 

 

To all you trump supporters out there, now you have something else to fantasize about.   

 

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