Mega Meme About Me Part The Second.

 

32. How big is your house?

Not as big as stately Wayne Manor but the basement is just about as cool as the Bat Cave itself.
 

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

I love my home made fruit smoothies. Gets the engine going for the day and one of the best things I did to lose weight. I was never much of a breakfast guy but I need my smoothie like some need coffee to get going in the morning. An all cherry and pineapple is my favorite. You remember that great smell all day long and it's the best in the winter when the fresh fruit is out of season but the frozen fruit is at the Sobey's.
 

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

My father was a soldier and I was an Air Cadet. What do you think? I however, would never have a gun in my home. There are lots of other ways to kill an intruder that are more interesting than shooting at them in the dark when I am sleepy. Plus if a kid ever got a hold of my gun and did damage to himself or someone else I wouldn't be able to live with that. No guns in Gotham unless they are toy ray guns like this one from MARS ATTACKS. I have TWO of these.

 

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes, and even from a moving horse. Of course I hit another moving horse which was sorta the point of the exercise in my view.

 

36. Favorite clean word?

Poodle. It's a fun word to say. POODLE.
 

37. Favorite swear word?

Motherfucker
 

38. What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep?

5 days. But I was under duress on another planet. But I have said too much already.

 

39. Do you have any scars?

Scars? Scars that only my enemies should know. I have built hard callouses over my heart but those are metaphorical scars. But I do have many scars from everything on this planet and several others that TRIED to kill me but FAILED each and every time.
 

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

If I did they never told me, stupid bitch, because she could have had me for the price of a frosted cupcake. No one has ever like me enough to admire me for anything. I have never had a real girlfriend. All the females I was friends with have erased me from their lives but in fairness to myself I left them all better than I found them and they know that.

 

41. Are you a good liar?

Yes, believe me, I am.
 

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Generally yes unless you are a beautiful Romanian girl then I miss all the sign for longer than I usually do. I suffered for that friendship in ways I haven't in many many years and I hated her so much at the end because she treated me like a bug and a loser. I wish her validation didn't mean so much to me but I admired many things about her. Too bad the reverse was never true.
 

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Just Hillbilly Cracker but I do it very well.
 

44. Do you have a strong accent?

Canadians have no accents. Even you Hillbillies with your Honey Boo Boo vocabulary know that.
 

45. What is your favorite accent?

I like that guttural growl of the South African. I find it both evil and soothing and prefer it in my medical professionals who for some reason are always from South Africa.
 

46. What is your personality type?

 

Borderline. I could snap at any moment. I purposely isolate myself from other humans lest they are disappointed by me as a human being. I feel guilt for have wasting their time. I should have warned them away harder but I liked the attention. I hate that look they give me when they determine how useless I am to them and the planet in general. I have no friends. I don't want any friends. People are embarrassed to be my friend. I met another could of guys selling my comics and I suggested we might hang out together but I don't think they are cool with that idea. I feel so pathetic that I can't even get people I have alot in common with to hang out with me for a few hours.

 

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

I would love a great leather jacket like the one I had when I was teaching. It was lost in a car theft.
 

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes, of course I can. I am not a primate.

 

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

I won't answer that question in polite company.
 

50. Left or right handed?

Right but I notice that most creative or exceptional people are left-handed.
 

51. Are you scared of spiders?

I am more afraid of mice. Spiders crackle on the hot coals - the bigger they are the more they crackle. I would eat cooked tarantula.

 

52. Favorite food?

Garlic stuffed olives or feta cheese stuffed hot peppers - food of the gods
 

53. Favorite foreign food?

I do enjoy a good feed of perogies.
 

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

A little of both. All my stuff is neat but there is a lot of it.
 

55. Most used phrased?

'Too Funny' or 'Classic'
 

56. Most used word?

What?
 

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

A good hour so that the shower 'takes' and you are dry enough to get dressed. It's a whole production with me. I have to set an alarm to know when to shower before work so that I don't feel rushed. I hate feeling rushed.
 

58. Do you have much of an ego?

What's the point? It can always be crushed so easily. But with some things that I know I do well (like teaching) I can never be convinced that I am not the greatest. I will fully admit my fault and inadequacies which are numerous. However, I know the things I am great at. I am almost insanely confident when I am participating in something I give a shit about. But if I don't give a shit I am a menace to society and can't get motivated to even try. I am a toddler at that point.
 

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Bite - especially Tootsie Pops.

 

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Yes, but I only act out scenes from movies when I do that. Sometimes I work story scenes out by acting out all the conversations that I had been working on.
 

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Of course, it's my gift to the world. My first two rap/fusion albums were way ahead of their time but I hear my beats in almost any tune you can name these days. For people in the know, I am the most underrated performer in the history of the genre. I only wanted to speak to the youth on the street and who knew I would have such a powerful effect on them as artists.

 

 

 

62. Are you a good singer?

I can sing anything. Like an angel I sing. I can duplicate any style that is playing at the time if I know the tune and harmonize and free form it if I know the music REALLY well. Like when I sing 'Sultans of Swing' I sound just like Mark Knophler. My version of U2s ONE would make you cry because you will feel the line - One, but we're not the same we keep hurting each other and we'll do it again... - in the deepest part of your damaged soul.

My father taught me to harmonize to all those old school country songs from Charlie Pride, Johnny Cash, Roy Orbison, The Statler Brothers, George Jones, Tammy Wynette, Dolly Parton and the guy I really hated - Conway Twitty. I also have every single Movie soundtrack that Disney ever put out from Peter Pan to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and the Jungle Book. I sung those songs all day long as well. But that is only half the story. I should do a post on how music saved my life as a teenager.
 

63. Biggest Fear?

Disappointing someone who cares about me. But having someone care about me is a close second. So basically I am fucked either way. So my solitary lifestyle save two people from great disappointment and sadness.

 

64. Are you a gossip?

If we are together, having a few Vodka Martinis, some stories about someone we both know, might slip out. Some may be true, some may not be. Some may be about your Momma and how she will take a twenty dollar to make a young man holler if you catch my drift.
 

65. Best dramatic movie you've seen?

Legends of the Fall. I love Tristen. "He broke every law of God and Man and they all loved him more. Poor Samuel. The doomed but most adored youngest brother. Albert, the oldest and most solid and responsible brother. And then there is Tristen, the tortured middle child who everyone wanted to be except Albert who found him a profound disappointment. Uncontrollable, unreliable but he is still his father's favorite. And then there is the woman who came between them all. Saw this in a snow storm during Christmas as my family was trapped in the mountains. So much snow they stopped delivering Pizza. I watched this one on Super Channel and cried my eyes out as the entire romance and grandeur of the story carried me away.

 

66. Do you like long or short hair?

On me or others? Your question is vague. But on a pretty girl there is nothing like long hair with curls. Though short hair can be very sexy too.

 

 

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Yes. Can you name any two Canadian provinces?
 

68. Favorite school subject?

History and drama
 

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

"Meeting of the Introverts club in the closet of room 444. New members please stay home."
 

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Another of my many skills learned as an Air Cadet and as an agent for some unnamed Northern North American nation.
 

71. What makes you nervous?

Change, new experiences, dealing with other humans, THE MAN and the Octopus Invaders.
 

72. Are you scared of the dark?

I hate to brag but the DARK is afraid of me. One look into my icy cold blackness and the Dark would crack into crystals of light. (Now that is just GOOD writing).
 

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Only if they are stupid, ignorant or intolerant mistakes. Plus if they screw up my toast. How can you possible make BAD toast. It's impossible. The very machine that makes the toast has a dial to regulate the amount of cooking time required to make passable toast. You never crank it all the way to the top even with thick rye bread you maniacs.
 

74. Are you ticklish?

I don't remember.
 

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

Only about your Momma but that one turned out to be true.
 

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

I am a teacher now and have been a teacher or instructor since I was 14 years old. I am good in a crisis situation and treat my students with respect. I know how to difuse a situation or wake up some slacker with humor and innovative personal management techniques that only I have perfected. You can never fool the kids and I know for the most part I did right by every student I ever had. I left them better than I found them in all cases. Much like every girl I have ever known who has tossed me aside like garbage after I help them become the people they were meant to be. Right Coral?
 

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Not as much as I should have but my folks had Rye Whiskey and that always gave me wicked hangovers because of the Rye. Now Vodka, made from the distillations of the potato is much kinder on me. I was lucky enough to live in a town with a great biker bar called the Windsor. Downstairs there was a staircase with about 60 stairs down to the basement floor where the strip club was. When I was it grade 12, we would skip forth class on a Friday and go for some Tequila Sunrises and some Titty.
 

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Why aren't you a dear to ask. Pass me that douchie on the left hand side. Canada can't go legit soon enough. It's going to be good times and more proof that the world really does need more Canada to help with the stress of living on this planet.
 

79. Who was your first real crush?

Caroline Munro from Golden Voyage of Sinbad.

 

80. How many piercings do you have?

I had a diamond earring on my left ear for years that was given to me by a old girlfriend because she had lost the other part of the matched set. I took it as a nice gesture but since she crushed my soul I let the whole in my earlobe grow back in.
 

81. Can you roll your Rs?

Like a RRRRRomanian.
 

82. How fast can you type?

Like the wind, old woman. I type like the wind. I have told the story so many times about how I struggled as a young boy to master the skill, while under the tutelage of an evil typing master. Many a child died under his 'care' but I persevered and survived his instruction to become the prolific producer of great content that you know this day. So fuck you Mr Chudobiak...and thank you at the same time.
 

83. How fast can you run?

FASTER THAN A WOMAN! (And if you get THAT reference you are a TRUE Canadian and a fan of 80s pop music)

84. What color is your hair?

Red and silver.
 

85. What color are your eyes?

Blue within blue like the Fremen of Arrakis.

 

86. What are you allergic to?

Camel hair. Of all the substances on Earth it would have to be camel hair.
 

87. Do you keep a journal?

This blog is pretty much a journal of my thoughts and interests, which, if we can be honest, are fascinating.

88. What do your parents do?

My mother worked with elderly patients with Alzheimer's for most of her care giving career. My father was a Soldier/Peacekeeper in the Canadian Armed Forces for 32 years.

 

 

89. Do you like your age?

I do. I can still act like a kid but have all the benefits of being an adult. Plus I almost got to 50 with both my knees intact. But it's not fun to be alone at this age. I have no family or friends and is something that NEVER improves with age.
 

90. What makes you angry?

The strong preying on the weak. Institutionalized racism. Religious morons and my own unending loneliness which makes me rage.

 

91. Do you like your own name?

I LOVE it. I am one of the few Calvins I have ever known. I am as unique and timeless as my name.

 

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

Logan for a girl. Shut-up. It's a beautiful name.
 

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

A girl child would be a fresh perspective. I know what it's like to be a boy and we are strange creatures.

 

94. What are you strengths?

Making something out of my bitterness. How I am able to motivate others so easily when I can't motivate myself is something that deeply troubles me.
 

95. What are your weaknesses?

I tend to get anxious at the most inopportune times.
 

96. How did you get your name?

I am named after my father which is the way it's done.

 

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Wasn't everyone's? I like to think I would have made a good King. I would love to make one of the big speeches.


 

98. Do you have any dreams left?

Only to live the years I have left well. I am kidding. I don't have any dreams because dreams are stupid and people who dream are delusional mental patients. The MAN will crush any dream you even only THING about, let alone the ones you speak aloud. Let it go. Dreams are for suckers.
 

99. Color of your bedspread?

Multicolored
 

100. Color of your room?

Colorful from all the action figures on the walls.