Distilling Booze From Hand Sanitizer?? The Kids Are All Right

American teenagers may be falling behind in math, science, and ability to ascend a flight of stairs without passing out, but they've proven time and again that they're world leaders in discovering innovative ways to kill brain cells. Case in point: a half dozen California teens have ended up in local emergency rooms after extracting highly concentrated alcohol from hand sanitizer and drinking it.

The rebels sans cause are turning Purell into moonshine from hell using salt and a distilling method that's easily discoverable on a place adults call "the Internet." The process yields a liquid that's about 60% alcohol, or 120 proof, which means kids are only a shot or two of the stuff away from speech and mobility impairment and getting their stomachs pumped. Nothing sexier or more glamorous than having medical professionals forcibly extract your stomach contents with a tube so you don't die! Youth!

Rich, white kids in the suburbs having to use applied chemistry just to get a shot of alcohol - it's a scandal I tell ya. Aren't there any liquor cabinets where these children live? Don't they have any older loser friends who can get them booze or pot or pills?

I thought that drinking vodka through one's eyeballs was a low point for the current crop of youth in America. I am happy to realize that we can go lower. I hope it becomes a trend so that we can remove these risky genes from the pool. There are easier ways to get a buzz, like spinning round and round until you collapse in the grass. I won't even discuss the tampons soaked in whisky. GAH!

It sounds like WAY too much effort just to get a little loopy. Why not have your buddy knee you in the scrotum? It would have much the same mind numbing effect.
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