Tales From The Hothouse

 

I am pretty honest with y'all when it comes to my character faults (which I stubbornly refuse to work on) and I learned some interesting things about myself today. I have decided that the perfect life for me is living on a spaceship to Mars with just my cat, my computer and three years of supplies. If you have ever seen the movie Moon with Sam Rockwell you have an idea of my dream life.

 

I like the quiet and an environment where I can control the input of stimuli that enters my brain. I was always someone who was uncomfortable with change - I like to be able to predict things. I enjoy a routine. This morning I was totally thrown out of my element when my mother gave me a list of errands to do because she got roped into making perogies for her church. Usually she likes to spend her Fridays going from place to place with one of her widowed friends.

 

I did okay with the first couple of stops despite the rush hour traffic but then I started to yell at the radio like a lunatic. Our Alberta Premier is caught up in a ethics scandal and the shows host was tiptoeing like a mouse around the topic despite all the evidence that exposes our glorious leader as a crook and a liar. This girl parked beside me at the light just looked into my car with a mixture of confusion and delight to see if I was talking to anyone because apparently I was very animated and entertaining.

 

I never considered myself agoraphobic but I think I am developing some symptoms. Superstore was a freakin' nightmare. Too much selection, too many colors, too many aisles and Christmas carols that are now drilled into my brain to the point of madness. The loose food bins confused me. I knew that I was in trouble when I couldn't pick what kind of gummies that I wanted - bears, worms, berries...GAH! TOO MUCH TOO MUCH!!

 

THEN I had to pack my own groceries like they make you do at the Superstore and as usual, I felt rushed by the check-out person and the other people waiting in line. You feel like you can't move fast enough when people are watching so you mix things that really should be in their own bag. When my container of garlic stuffed olives opened up in the bag I felt like tossing the case of Pepsi Max through a window. If I knew what a stroke felt like I swear I was having one.

 

Today is one of those days when you are grateful that somebody figured out how to distill booze from potatoes. That rye will have you sick for days but Vodka is truly the drink of the Gods.