Why I Hope I Don't Survive The Apocalypse

For a mere 890 rubles ($28), you get a med kit (complete with heart medication), soap, some candles and matches, a can of fish, a pack of buckwheat, a bottle of vodka, a notepad and pencil, and a rope. Although I can think of a few uses for the rope, in case of a natural disaster, some might see it as a means to an end for those less optimistic of their survival chances. The kit also includes a blank ID card, to be filled by the buyer, in case their original ID card gets demagnetized during the apocalypse, an instruction card with rules to various games to pass the time, in case you get stuck somewhere with friends and family, waiting for the end of the world to pass you by.

A can of fish and bag of buckwheat can go a long way if you are frugal. GAH! I have a feeling that after the vodka runs out I will want to use the rope to hang myself after leaving a suicide note with the notepad and pencil because I would be distraut for spending all those rubles for a box of useless crap. Who wants to live after the bombs drop anyways.

If you are a hardcore survivalist you can purchase this ARK for $800.000 dollars. It seats ten and also comes with it's own bathroom, which I hope doesn't open up accidentally as you are tumbling down a hill. I know if I was trapped in this thing for ten months it would turn into a death match after 6 days and only one of us was coming out of this thing alive.

According to Yang Zongfu, the Atlantis can withstand temperatures of up to 1700 degrees Celsius, and impact forces of 350 tons. It can float on water, and is equipped with safety seats, a communication system, a first aid kit and a toilet. This new-age Noah’s Arc has room for ten people and can carry enough food supplies to keep them alive for 10 months

 

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