Let Me Clear Something Up

Police: Clearwater man caught masturbating tells officers he's Captain Kirk

CLEARWATER, Fla. (WFLA) - Police say a man caught masturbating at a Clearwater bus stop told them he was Captain Kirk.

Clearwater police were called to a bus stop on Gulf to Bay Boulevard around 11:20 a.m. Monday for a report of a lewd and lascivious act.

Responding officers say they found a man sitting on a bench touching himself under his shorts. In an arrest report, police noted it was "obvious" the man was masturbating.

 

When officers asked what he was doing, the man told them, "I'm scratching myself."

After the man was arrested for disorderly conduct, police asked him to identify himself.

The arrest report states the man told police his name was "James Tiberius Kirk," the full name of the fictional character Captain Kirk from Star Trek.

Police say they later discovered the man's real name is James Bundrick. The 56-year-old is now also facing a charge for providing a false name or identity to law enforcement.

Let's get one thing perfectly clear. One does not ascend to the Captaincy of a major starship in the fleet of the Federation by taking out his dick and wacking one out whenever the thought occured to him. They will let you send subordinates to their deaths but if you masterbate on the bridge you get busted down to a garbage scow. We are trying to run a Galactic Organization here. Because if you let KIRK do it, with all his other violations of things like the Prime Directive, then EVERYONE will be doing it and living in space will become intolerable.

Despite what this bus stop pervert did, I give him full respect for both the color and quality of his hair and beard. The hair looks terrific after all he just went through. I he didn't have that problem with 'scatching himself'' he could work as a high fashion model. But how do you introduce him to designers? That's my problmem here. Do we hide that fact or is that his unique cache that will guarantee attention in the fickle fashion industry? I am leaning towards telling them of his perversions after they have met him and have already shook his hand.