I have been known to go on and on and on about how truly awesome a country Canada is. We might pretend we are not so fabulous to your face when we talk to you because we don't want to make you feel bad. That's just the kind of people we are. We care. We love. It's not your fault that your country is just slightly less cool than us in all imaginable categories. Yes, I talking to you too, Djibouti.
Sometimes we toss you all a crap bone by creating a 'Nickelback', poutine or French Canadians but that is just to prevent you from immigrating here. We like our wild spaces to stay wild, open and free.
However, we have a shame. A secret shame so embarrassing that we do not even discuss it amongst ourselves. I can barely stand to type the words to you now but sweet Jeebus I MUST.
You see we DO carry your popular 'Superbowl' football game. We don't care who is playing in it, we just like to watch the famous commercials. However, we do not show the award winning and popular commercials. Up here in the tundra they are blocked by super secret and evil technology.
You million dollar 'gems' are replaced by stupid local commercials that you think would be for our major company's like 'Canadian Tire' or 'Tim Hortons'. That might be fine but sadly it is not the case. They usually are ads for some crappy local discount tile/warehouse/furniture/parka outlet store where the owner uses his family and dresses them up as Star Wars characters or something equally as topical and stupid. I saw one once where they used carpet remnants to make their own Chewbacca. It was as sad as you could imagine.
Trust me, every single one of us that DOESN'T have a crappy commercial airing at that time hates it. We have to wait until Monday to catch the commercials on the Internet or catch the best two or three on some lame morning show. Even having satellite does nothing to help the situation.
We bitch because we are locked out of many sites like 'Hulu' and 'NBC' that have programing we can't access in Canada. We blame our government for this and if there is ever a revolution, THAT and this stupid Superbowl commercial bullshit will be the cause. We are a peaceful Sasquatch loving people but you can only push us so far.
I hope this has not changed your opinion of us. We are not looking for your pity but when you are watching some funny ad this Sunday about a monkey driving a team of Clydesdale's on a Nascar track, please think of your old buddy Kal won't you?
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9 comments:
try justin.tv it's how I watched the grey cup. Oh and I'll be previewing a few commercials on my commercial blog tomorrow.
You talk to me like I have never tried to see them with the variety of methods available to me. I find your disrespect and distain for my intelligence quite delicious I must say. I lesser man would have eased into it but not you. If you weren't ALREADY dead to me you would NOW be dead to me.
For every good commercial, there are twenty awful ones.
Being locked out of online television, though, is shameful. Vive la revolution!
Oh, and you can keep your effing Trebecks and Nickelbacks, thankyouverymuch. If you promise not to deport...er...export those anymore, I'll see what I can do about getting you guys the hook-up.
Hey...once the Trebecks and Nickelbacks leave the country they are not longer our responsibility. It's kinda a 'you broke 'em you bought 'em policy. No backsies over the border.
Oh yes you must see the Tim Tebow's (University of Florida star Quaterback) Christian anti abortion ad during the Superbowl...now if he was dressed in a carpet remnant Chewbacca suit it might be fun to watch...
Jeez... I was merely trying to be helpful as Justin.tv seems to be the best online source for pirate TV.
I'm dead to you? You know who talks like that? Cephalopod supporters.
Okay...I may have crossed the line. You can be alive to me again. I usually use bit torrent to see everything. I should have a patch I pirate so much. But I will check out this JustinTV you speak of.
Alright, then I take back my cephalopod remark. I enjoy the odd pirated thing myself. Mostly Brit TV since you have to wait forever for it to get here.
And unless some agreement is reached, I will naturally have to pirate Hiccups when it debuts next month.
I just found a show called '8 out of 10 Cats' which is a celebrity mock gameshow that is very funny. The great thing about Canada is we have those great British and American comedies to influence us. That is why we are the funniest people on the Earth. Well next to Djibouti but who could compete with them.
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