Calvin's Canadian Cave of Coolness: October 2018

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

The Last Of The Halloween Images For Another Year

Once Again Some Hillbilly Genius Takes Best Costume I Have Seen All October

Because once you finish the chicken you can use the bucket to collect your candy in.

Corn Chip The Kitten Wins The Election

This is what I love about them girl witches the most. Chances are they are also the type who has no problem getting naked outside during a full moon. Now that kind of commitment to the cause is something I could exploit sexually without guilt should some young magic user find use for me. I could look after her cat when she is out hexing with her girl pals too. Girl witch pals are great because they are the kind of girl gangs who could possibly, one day, become a Woman's roller derby team and I do loves me some Woman's roller derby.

Antarctic Researcher Allegedly Stabbed Colleague Who Spoiled Book Endings

If you don't start nuttin, there won't be nuttin!

Sometimes when someone spoils a book for you, all you want to do is grab a big knife, pounce on them, and stab them in their spoily little chest while shrieking, “I DON’T CARE IF THE WHALE WAS A SYMBOL OF THE NATURE OF TIME, I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW THAT AHAB DROWNS” or something.

For most of us this would be nothing but a fantasy, however, if you spend enough time locked away with your consistently spoiling nemesis in an icy hell world, well, it may just become a reality.

I JUST KNEW that Mobey Dick would eventually cause one human being to kill another just by being a book they shared. It's evil. It's the worst piece of shit it was ever my displeasure to read.

I tell this story often.

I once got so fed up with the minutia of Mobey Dick that I tossed it across the classroom in disgust. The teacher told me to pick up my book or I wasn't going to get to see the movie. "THERE IS A MOVIE" I replied with a combination of disgust and profound betrayal of the sacred bond between teacher and student. I had no idea they had made a movie of this abomination of a book. You have no idea what you didn't know about everything when you didn't have the internet.

"Why aren't we seeing the movie and reading a GOOD book?" I asked him. He saw most kids agreed with me and that grade nine was not the freakin time for Moby Dick but he didn't care. I sat down and refused to turn a page out of spite for the rest of the class. I just muttered to myself, "There is a movie."

So I know of the muderous rage a book can create in the reader.