Victoria Day Long Weekend

It's only Thursday but I am going to predict that this weekend will have crappy weather. How do I know this without having first consulted a meteorologist? I know because EVERY Victoria Day long weekend has crappy weather.

It's the first long weekend of the summer. It's the time when stupid young people think they can get a head start on celebrating the all too brief time of warm weather we enjoy up here in the tundra.

It's the time when you pack a vehicle with camping gear, insufficient clothing and lots of liquor and head to some isolated spot near the mountains. You anticipate a fun time with your friends. What it usually turns into is fight for survival.

First of all the ground is always wet and muddy. This means you car will get stuck and need to be pulled out. It will inevitably your buddy's girlfriend's dad's SUV which means you will have to listen to her bitch until it is 'saved'. Said vehicle will also NOT have the four wheel drive that was advertised in the car brochure.

There is never cell phone reception where you are located so you can't call for help when someone hits their head (and they always hit their heads) performing some 'feat of drunken manhood'.

Someone always arrives with nothing - no food, no beer and only a light summer jacket. This poor bastard either is helped by others (much to their resentment) or he dies. He never really dies because that would end his annoying needs and behavior. He lives just long enough for the weekend to end and for you to give him a ride home. Next day in school he will tell everyone it was the greatest time he ever had. Then you kill him.

The wood will never be dry enough for a decent fire. This will mean that it is only a matter of time before someone siphons gas from the gas tank of one of the stuck vehicles to create flames. This only succeeds in lighting either one or both of said person's arms on fire. Since you have no first aid kit or cell phone reception they suffer until Monday evening and need extensive skin graphs over the summer.

Finally the tent you brought collapse during the night and you all have to sleep sitting up in one of the mudstuck vehicles. This only leads to a grouchy next couple of days and the promise you make to yourself to never head out into the wild with this group of numnuts ever again.

I know none of what I say will dissuade those planning to go out this weekend. I admire your spunk. I have thankfully grown beyond the time in my life when I find the adventure desirable. The closest I get to 'roughing' it is finding a place to air out my RV pillows. But you go have fun. Tell me all about it on Tuesday.