Mom Gets A Cell Phone

When we were kids there was nothing worse than the impatience of a person (usually a parent) who wanted to do something for you because you were taking too long figuring it out. After a few minutes of this person hovering over you, you usually just said, "Fuck it", and gave up on what you were doing and you just bent to their wisdom.

For a long time I tried to teach my mother how to work the remote control on the satellite dish or the mouse on the computer. She finally has the basics down on both but that doesn't mean I don't have to come running to save the day most every time she is on either device.

Now she wants a cell phone. I am sorry to have to draw the line and totally remove myself from the process. I don't use cell phones because they will give me brain cancer and, in truth, I don't have enough friends to actually need one.

I figure if I am lost in a snow drift and need help that those big St. Bernard Dogs with the wine barrels around their necks have a better chance of finding and saving me than anyone I call will.

So I sent her off on her own to find the cell phone store and tell them what she wanted one for (basically emergencies when she is driving around doing errands) and how to program it to 'pay as you go'.

The first phone was a disaster. Neither of us could figure out how to insert the pay as you go card or how to activate it with a new number by going on the supposedly convenient web site. Fuck you BELL.

Then she went to the 7-11 and the Big Gulp kid told her what free phone with 100 bucks worth of minutes would be best for her. He made sure to tell her that this was what they called a 'burn phone' that drug dealers used so it had to be both cheap and simple to reprogram because they need to stay in touch with their customers after the cops got too close to them by tracing their old phones.

This of course was perfect for my 70 year old mother's needs. Only exchange the words 'drug dealers' with 'church ladies' or 'breakfast clubbers'.

I can hear her giggle with delight as she got the damn thing to work for HERSELF. She is so proud and feels a part of this high tech age now.

And I didn't have to hang over her shoulder once waiting to take the phone from her. I think my little girl is growing up.