Thursday, July 19, 2012

I Am Just A Broken Toy


For the past couple of years I have been really into exploiting the socialist medical system I live under. I have a doctor for my weight and a generalist for all the other things that are wrong with me.

My weight doctor set me up for a sleep study since many overweight people suffer from sleep apnea. I didn't think much would come from it since I had been through similar studies as a kid and they could really do nothing for me. However, that was 25 years ago and the technology has advance far in the past decades.

The printout showed that I stop breathing at least 25 times an hour. Most times this results in an increase in my heart rate. Since I sleep alone, there is no one to tell me that my resulting snoring is oppressive. There is no one to notice all the time I DIE while I am asleep.

In the morning my bed looks like there has been combat, but that comes from all the tossing and turning that I do. You'd think I suffered from PTSD with all the nightmares I have. Good thing they apparently don't last that long since I never get to Level 4 sleep and rarely get to Level 3. That is insane. There are 4 levels of sleep with four being the best and deepest kind of sleep.

I have seen the raw data and it's not pretty. A normal person has a graph with little spikes and valleys. My printout is ALL spikes and valleys. I was impressed that the technician was impressed with my readings. He hadn't seen something this bad in awhile. He looked at me like I was a test subject. Can he bring a man back from death?? Omg, it's so sad.



So now I have this pressure machine that has me wearing a mask over my nose while I sleep. Like Darth Vader, my fat ass is dependant on machines to keep me alive. This is pathetic. I need to fix this situation right quick. I need to lose some serious weight if I want to see my 50th birthday. Not saying that I do want to see my 50th birthday but I would still like to have the option.

Maybe if I get a 'real' night's sleep I will think in an entirely new way. I will be a better Calvin, stronger, faster, more belligerent and delicate than before. No wonder no one could ever love me before.

Gah!


8 comments:

Paul Sizer said...

Taking steps to make your life better is always hard. You are not weak for needing help and machines and drugs. One of the strongest people I know is all hooked up with IV bags and doped to the gills for six weeks to get over a really bad infection. She always apologizes for looking like shit, but I give her a big hug, because she's doing what she needs to do for her daughter and her husband, and that's all that matters.

Please take this note as a big manly hug, and the command for you to do whatever you need to do to be healthy.

DrGoat said...

Cal, we're all behind you with this stuff. I've got Emphysema from 40 years of smoking (I know, I'm an idiot, but it went so well with the other stuff I smoked and did), so bad sleep is no stranger to me. There are usually always options, so stick with it. Lots of stuff to still do.

Kal said...

Thanks for your support guys. I am kinda excited to try this breathing thingie to see if it makes a difference. I can't imagine myself if I get full rest. I am worried about the nightmares too if I can't jump out of them like I usually can because I sleep so lightly.

M. D. Jackson said...

You may experience a cascading effect: the better sleep will payoff with weight loss and better concentration, etc.

Or at least you'll be prepared if mynocks attach themselves to your ship.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

My sister uses a C-PAP machine and it has made a big difference in her life. I hope it does so for you too!

Kal said...

Like I said before. I am in a real 'change my life' mood so I am trying everything recommended to me by the medical professionals who I trust. I would really like to see my life change in another direction for awhile.

I even looked to see what Mynocks sounded like. Freakin' Mynocks.

Unknown said...

I was a 29 times an HOUR man, myself.

AN HOUR.

How I am not dead is a pure mystery.

csmith2884 said...

I have had mine about 10 years, but my count was 64 per hour. Doctor asked how I was able to ever be awake. BTW falling asleep while driving got my butt to the doctor.