GOONIES!!

It had to happen. After Jamie anonymously outed me as someone who had never seen the Goonies it was time to fill that huge hole in my pop culture knowledge which I assure you is encyclopedic. I can bore you for hours with talk of what I know about the movies. Since Goonies is loved by so many, let me give it my fairest real time assessment possible.



Pretty brazen to just burn the police station as you leave it. Why must they be with the fire and the burning and the fire? How were these criminal numnuts not caught ten minutes later?

OMG...that is Josh Brolin. Josh Brolin was a Goonie?

 

Everything moves at this manic, frenetic pace that just never slows down. I reminded me alot of other wacky movies from the time like The Money Pit.

I will never look at Martha Plimpton in quite the same way again.

 

Holy FUCK. I am watching Goonies. ALONE. That is sad in some way isn't it? Don't I deserve a nice memory of someones companionship with the memory of the Goonies attached to it?

Love the relationship between the brothers Brand and Mikey. Nice to see Sean Astin years before he made Rudy or The Lord Of The Rings.

Oh Corey Feldman. How great was he in his 12 year old prime?

Chunk...two words...OSCAR BAIT!

I come for the adventure but I stay for the GADGETS!

One kid is definitely in need of some medical help - the goofy Asian kid with a death wish.

I like the way the dialog just flies and zooms. You actually have to try to keep up to fully follow the story despite how simple it appears. Lots of screaming and hugging and screaming put it all moves forward like some twisted Rube Goldberg machine. Every part is there for a reason. Each character is allowed to be who they are no matter how damaged.

Chuck telling the stiff to stay while trapped with the dead body in the cooler is comic genius.

Treasure Map...you can never go wrong with a treasure map.

 

All the Cyndi Lauper pop cross culture montage music is a bit embarrassing in video but is still a solid song and a cool anthem for these little adventurers.

 

Love how Josh Brolin just doesn't want to be left out of the adventure with his LITTLE brother. He doesn't want to grow up and take responsibility but likes being the one in charge. Girl's bike with basket is a classic. What is it with Spielberg and bicycles. Those punks could have killed Josh Brolin. What is all this about putting children in danger. The Goonies is very unsafe. Where is the parental supervision?

 

 

Naw, parents would have ruined everything.

 

There are so many instances where it was clear that some lines and scenes where improvised. Two boys skip arm and arm to the restaurant? All I am saying is that no one is afraid to boy hug, especially when terrified. I guess there are no atheists or homosexuals in foxholes.

 

Robert Davi is a good bad guy because he scares the hell out of me. No no no, don't go towards the bad guy...BECAUSE HE IS WEARING CHAINS.

 

Too many things are jumping from shadows.

 

 

I love the way that bravery and stupidity match up at every turn.

 

Oh look..young horny teen love and sloppy first kisses.

 

So many last minute escapes that I think I am gonna have a heart attack.

 

 

That continual misadventures of Chunk...both as part of the gang and by himself. He had the most reason to snap and what the hell is with all the dead bodies around him. There is going to be some serious issues arising from this traumatic incident.

 

NO...not a high pressure on the toilet poop joke.

 

I like the way they solve things together. Regardless at the number of times that Brant tries to say he is in charge he gives over leadership to the group. It's very communist in it's philosophy. The group is stronger together. Most persons get what they want most through working with others.

 

I learned friendship with weirdos is cool.

 

 

Andy is bipolar and needs he lithium. Her beautiful body rant is some deep seated body dismorphia. She is one step away from the stripper pole.

 

Chunk breaks his interrogators with stories from his own life. George Costanza borrowed his schtict from Chunk.

 

The bat scene would have worked well in 3D.

 

That inspirational speech by Astin half way through had me convinced to stay wet and cold to the end.

 

That Chunk and his new buddy. It was so much fun to watch as they tried to communicate over their love of Baby Ruths.

 

Data's inventions like slick shoes is so perfect for the specific situation it's used for that it begs credulity. How could he ever know he would need that solution to their pursuit problem? He's like Inspector Gadget with a boxing glove.

 

Two nuts shots. Never can have too many nut shots.

 

The crazy organ that either rewards or kills - genius suspense - fun big ass prop.

 

YAAAAA FOR THE GOONIES!!

 

 

Two words...SUPER SLIDE!

 

This would have been so cool for the kids to film. It looks like play day all day.

 

Every kid has a great breakdown where we learn all we need to know about their insecurities. It's another little part that rewards you with each viewing I suspect.

 

Third nut shot - second one for Joey Pants

 

DON'T SIGN IT WALSH. DON'T DO IT!

 

THE COLORED GLASS SAVES THE DAY AND THE GOONDOCKS.

 

This makes me proud to be a Goonie because now I are officially one.

 

 

Viva Los Goonies!