I have determined that no matter how interesting I am, I am always going be some troll and that is how I am going to die, hideous and alone. I am just sick about this. I thought these stupid pills were suppose to regulate my moods instead of sending me into a spiral of disappointment and hatred of myself.
I have been seeing Doctors and getting meds but nothing is working out.
I even lost followers on the A-Z Challenge, not gained them.
And for the next two weeks I have to be alone in my house without any company but the cat. I am more than likely gonna go crazy from the loneliness.
I am a mess today.
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11 comments:
Cheer up good Sir Kal... A report these feelings of "Depression" to your Doctors as Soon as you can...
sounds like a "side - effect"... that can be "Bad"...
I would try this: wear the wet suit to control jiggling but also wear a big roomy t-shirt over top when you go swimming. Then when you get out of the pool, just wring a bit of water out of the t-shirt while you're still wearing it so it's not clingy. The layered look can hide a lot of sins, so to speak.
Sounds like your Mom is deserting you to go visit more of your ungrateful relatives, eh? Look on the bright side -- at least they're not coming to your place, GAH!!!
Well I ain't goin' nowhere I kinda liked the A to Z challenge. It's been pretty interesting.
Kal, you're doing just fine.. I've searched far and wide to find a decent intellectual liberal point of view.
Well, I'm still lookin'...
Aside from differences, the world needs you. Brave heart, sir.
We salute you..!!
And remember, 'There's no cryin' in baseball..'.
I second the 'swim in a t-shirt' idea. One problem with losing a lot of weight is that it takes a while for the flesh to disappear along with it, which is why a lot of times even though your weight might hit a point where it doesn't budge your clothes continue to get looser. Your body is slowly getting rid of excess flesh.
I'm still here, though! Keep on pluggin'!
No sir! You are not a troll! You are not hideous and you will not die alone. I refuse to accept that assessment! REFUSE! Do you hear?
You WILL achieve your goal weight. You will reach your targets and you WILL find someone to love you.
Do I make myself clear? Or do I have to go over there and make my point in a less subtle way?
As a person who has gone through radical weight loss and then put it back on again, and then taken some off again whilst also suffering from an anxiety disorder that has occasionally spilt over into mild depression, I feel your pain. But you don't need anybody empathising with you. This is your pain in your head and you CAN deal with it. Just remember this - I check your blog at least three times a day and have yet to find a post that I haven't been entertained by. You are making a difference in at least one life, so be proud of that achievement!
Keep at the weight loss game - the change is glacial to begin with and then all of a sudden you start to see it. If you aren't ready for the pool, then walk a bit - on the spot if the snow is too high outside. Wear a hole in the carpet. It might sound stupid, but it worked for me.
Hang in there dude. You are an awesome human being with a wicked sense of humour and an unfailing ability to find what is cool in the world. My cat likes your blog too.
Nathan
One of the hallmarks of depression is the tendency to tie unconnected elements together into a juggernaut of pessimism. It's a mechanism by which the cognitive mind works in service of darker emotional tendencies rather than the other way around.
And you're doing it right here. I didn't realize it until the second time I read your post, because you're doing it "well" (which is the hallmark of all insidious depressive thinking). Basically you're talking about three different things and connecting them together, artificially, into a depressive mood.
You're convincing yourself that these three disparate topics (slower-than-desired weight gain; blog readership metrics with regard to a particular event; upcoming solitude) are facets of some kind of central problem, when in reality they have nothing to do with each other. Each is its own thing, and if you can keep them separated in your mind you'll probably discover that, on their own terms, each one is actually not nearly as huge and overwhelming a "problem" as it seems to be.
The important thing is to not allow the mood to overtake you, because depression (in and of itself) is crafty and treacherous, and uses your cognition and your imagination to cobble together "conclusive" reasons to feel bad on a large scale, by assembling ideas that don't actually go together, creating "reasons" for self-abnegation that don't actually hold up under scrutiny.
And, at least in my experience, knowing that your mind is playing tricks on you in this way can be tremendously helpful in getting out of the funk you're in and finding ways to incrementally attack the obstacles you're facing, and begin to overcome them.
WOW..thanks for that everyone. I appreciate the effort you all took to set me straight and gave me alot to think about. I am actually looking forward to my counselling to begin so that I can learn how to better 'trick' my brain like you said Jordan. I am tired of my moods being all over the place.
Telling me your cat liked my blog means alot to me Natholeon as they are my target audience.
You may just need a simple "mood stabilizer"... "Stacey" has more than a few "issues"... yours should be rather easy to control... (We have studied on psychology for Many years )... please E-mail me with any question that you may have.... "Stacey" / the Doctor
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