1. What is you middle name?
It should be Maximillian because that name is cool...but not as cool as YUL.
2. How old are you?
Old enough to lament my lost youth and beauty. Those ten minutes in my early teens when I thought I could rule the world. But then THE MAN noticed my potential and has tried to crush me ever since.
Old enough to lament my lost youth and beauty. Those ten minutes in my early teens when I thought I could rule the world. But then THE MAN noticed my potential and has tried to crush me ever since.
3. What is your birthday?
June 1st - same as Marylyn Monroe, Andy Griffith, Morgan Freeman and Brigham Young (which will delight Tim, my one Mormon buddy, but it horrifies me).
June 1st - same as Marylyn Monroe, Andy Griffith, Morgan Freeman and Brigham Young (which will delight Tim, my one Mormon buddy, but it horrifies me).
4. What is your zodiac sign?
Gemini - Which makes me twice as awesome as the rest of you.
Gemini - Which makes me twice as awesome as the rest of you.
5. What is your favorite color?
Crimson which is really red like Burnt Sienna is really BROWN. Get with it people - you only ever need 8 crayons in life but I will allow you 12 colors of crayons, because that is the kind of guy I am. But having a crayon sharpener is heresy.
Crimson which is really red like Burnt Sienna is really BROWN. Get with it people - you only ever need 8 crayons in life but I will allow you 12 colors of crayons, because that is the kind of guy I am. But having a crayon sharpener is heresy.
6. What's your lucky number?
22
22
7. Do you have any pets?
Only the magnificent Lord Admiral Fluffy Von Scootchie Baloo (of the Manhattan Scootchie-Baloos)
Only the magnificent Lord Admiral Fluffy Von Scootchie Baloo (of the Manhattan Scootchie-Baloos)
8. Where are you from?
Earth - Sector 001 - The Terran System - The beautiful western Canadian part of the planet.
Earth - Sector 001 - The Terran System - The beautiful western Canadian part of the planet.
9. How tall are you?
Tall enough to ride any ride you got at your Hillbilly carnival.
Tall enough to ride any ride you got at your Hillbilly carnival.
10. What shoe size are you?
Size 11 which yes, ladies, does translate to other parts of my body. It's not a myth.
Size 11 which yes, ladies, does translate to other parts of my body. It's not a myth.
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Like most men, three. runners, winter boots, dress shoes.
Like most men, three. runners, winter boots, dress shoes.
12. What was your last dream about?
I was locked in a phone booth while the octopus attacked. They rode the waves during a Typhon and went on a 'Sharknado' like killing spree but they couldn't get to me. I just phoned in my plan to kill them into the city who electrified the wet streets and fried all the stinkin' cephalopods into appetizers.
I was locked in a phone booth while the octopus attacked. They rode the waves during a Typhon and went on a 'Sharknado' like killing spree but they couldn't get to me. I just phoned in my plan to kill them into the city who electrified the wet streets and fried all the stinkin' cephalopods into appetizers.
13. What talents do you have?
Enough of them that I could survive the zombie apocalypse better than most. I have the right amount of dispassion to do the dirty 'wet work' that will need to be done. It's a jungle out there and if I am forced to live in it I plan to do it as a predator and not prey.
14. Are you psychic in any way?
Enough of them that I could survive the zombie apocalypse better than most. I have the right amount of dispassion to do the dirty 'wet work' that will need to be done. It's a jungle out there and if I am forced to live in it I plan to do it as a predator and not prey.
14. Are you psychic in any way?
I can tell when the phone is going to ring before it does. I mean the house phone of course if any of you remember what a house phone is. I know which container of cottage cheese is fresh and which is rancid without opening up the package.
15. Favorite song?
Everybody Knows - Leonard Cohen
16. Favorite movie?
For sheer immersive experience - Legends of the Fall. That troubled Tristen and the long suffering Albert break my heart every damn time. And poor doomed Samuel really was the best of them all.
Childhood Favorite - Golden Voyage Of Sinbad.
For sheer immersive experience - Legends of the Fall. That troubled Tristen and the long suffering Albert break my heart every damn time. And poor doomed Samuel really was the best of them all.
Childhood Favorite - Golden Voyage Of Sinbad.
17. Who would be your ideal partner?
Have you been reading my site, EVER? I just want someone who finds me interesting, kind and funny. Of course if she had red hair, she automatically goes to the front of the list. I would prefer a girl from the Old Country that comes in a mail-order crate because she would appreciate the indoor plumbing and satellite TV that we offer here in the West.
Have you been reading my site, EVER? I just want someone who finds me interesting, kind and funny. Of course if she had red hair, she automatically goes to the front of the list. I would prefer a girl from the Old Country that comes in a mail-order crate because she would appreciate the indoor plumbing and satellite TV that we offer here in the West.
18. Do you want children?
I don't have the ability to raise kids that will end up decent human beings. I am so to selfish but I would love to have me own little people to share the cool things I know and have seen with. But that is not my destiny. The Universe has other plans for me and the Gods in all their anger against me would never gift me with a child. I am too old to be chasing down a toddler.
I don't have the ability to raise kids that will end up decent human beings. I am so to selfish but I would love to have me own little people to share the cool things I know and have seen with. But that is not my destiny. The Universe has other plans for me and the Gods in all their anger against me would never gift me with a child. I am too old to be chasing down a toddler.
19. Do you want a church wedding?
I do like to put on a good show.
I do like to put on a good show.
20. Are you religious?
No but I believe in the random forces of nature and karma that can either reward or punish one's actions. If there is a HELL then it's right here on Earth. Institutionalized religion is about as evil as groups get and I will always be against such brainwashing 'group think'.
No but I believe in the random forces of nature and karma that can either reward or punish one's actions. If there is a HELL then it's right here on Earth. Institutionalized religion is about as evil as groups get and I will always be against such brainwashing 'group think'.
21. Have you ever been to the hospital?
They make a hell of a deli sammich in that atrium. Oh and because I needed to have metal pellets removed from my face that one time. They didn't get them all and I hate that. I will dig them out with a spoon one day.
They make a hell of a deli sammich in that atrium. Oh and because I needed to have metal pellets removed from my face that one time. They didn't get them all and I hate that. I will dig them out with a spoon one day.
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?
Never convicted of anything. Except for a little mischief but I got a pardon for that so it technically doesn't exist anymore. And for some reason I am wanted for Crimes Against Humanity by Romanian authorities - but I think that is because I make fun of those numnuts all the time.
Never convicted of anything. Except for a little mischief but I got a pardon for that so it technically doesn't exist anymore. And for some reason I am wanted for Crimes Against Humanity by Romanian authorities - but I think that is because I make fun of those numnuts all the time.
23. Have you ever met any celebrities?
Prince Charles - spent the afternoon with him once. True story.
Prince Charles - spent the afternoon with him once. True story.
24. Baths or showers?
I do love a nice soak and that has nothing to do with my collection of action figures that like to fight in the lavender scented bubble bath.
I do love a nice soak and that has nothing to do with my collection of action figures that like to fight in the lavender scented bubble bath.
25. What color socks are you wearing?
Black, baby, the same shade as my cold, dark, heart.
Black, baby, the same shade as my cold, dark, heart.
26. Have you ever been famous?
NO...and that is just ONE of the problems I have with you people. Of course THE MAN keeps me down but if the world really appreciated my genius they could collectively overcome those obstacles.
NO...and that is just ONE of the problems I have with you people. Of course THE MAN keeps me down but if the world really appreciated my genius they could collectively overcome those obstacles.
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?
Not in the least. The negative attention always outweighs the positive attention.
Not in the least. The negative attention always outweighs the positive attention.
28. What type of music do you like?
Anything with a beat that I can sing along with or dance too. I like to think my musical tastes were once really refined. I miss those days when I knew all the songs and all the artists. Today it's just luck or SNL where I discover a new song or group.
Anything with a beat that I can sing along with or dance too. I like to think my musical tastes were once really refined. I miss those days when I knew all the songs and all the artists. Today it's just luck or SNL where I discover a new song or group.
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?
I don't have the kind of body that enhances the 'skinny dipping' experience.
I don't have the kind of body that enhances the 'skinny dipping' experience.
30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
There is no such thing as 'too many pillows'. I am like a Sultan with my pillows. Pillow arrangement is most important in getting a good night's sleep - which is something I rarely do. I do know, however, that I would sleep even WORSE without my fine collection of pillows.
There is no such thing as 'too many pillows'. I am like a Sultan with my pillows. Pillow arrangement is most important in getting a good night's sleep - which is something I rarely do. I do know, however, that I would sleep even WORSE without my fine collection of pillows.
31. What position do you usually sleep in?
On my side - I flip back and forth a lot and do this magic trick with the covers that is like a bullfighter using his cape.
On my side - I flip back and forth a lot and do this magic trick with the covers that is like a bullfighter using his cape.
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2 comments:
I don't have the ability to raise kids that will end up decent human beings. ??
If that was the only prerequisite..spit some coffee on my screen to that. I got six and we do our best but life is as always a crap shoot.
I just know I have severe limitations that make me a bad choice for parent.
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