There Must Always Be A Cave Of Cool - 4

Moon Shot - early in the 20th Century we worked very hard on the principles we would need to follow to complete a successful launching of an air filled conveyance that would carry an observer to the moon. There they would be expected to harvest some of the delicious green cheese found there, capture a moon maiden or two and then return to earth for a big ol' wine and cheese party.


At first we discussed sending a woman because they tend to be more focused and she would not be tempted by the exotic beauty of either the cheese or the moon maidens. Lizzy Evan was one of our best candidates until her nickname - 'Lizzy the Lezzy' distracted us too much and sent the whole 'goal' of the project in various beautifully distasteful directions.

We then thought of using an elderly man who would not only bring a lifetime of experience but who already had his own crutches and a unleakable conveyance (that has gone over Niagara Falls) that we could fill with air before strapping the whole thing to a entire flock of Bald Eagles who would then carry Old Man Leach to glory. The obvious cross-border promotions with our American investors was not lost on us.


We learned late in the process that Leach had developed a phobia about going back into the Niagara Barrel due to his harrowing experience. From his biography:

"Bobby Leach was the second person, and first man, to survive the ride over Niagara Falls in a barrel, a feat he performed on July 25, 1911. He sustained a fractured jaw and two broken knee caps in the process, but went on to recount his adventure at various shows and lecture halls, displaying the barrel for all to see. Ironically, he died in 1926 following a leg amputation that was necessitated by his slipping on an orange peel."

We hired consultants trained in the science of Phsycultopathy in an attempt to rewire Leach's brain. All that happened was that he developed an acute fear of oranges.



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