Wicked Rayguns And Their Cool Stories

Handcrafted by Doctor Who prop-maker Nick Robatto, this fellow really is the the Rolls-Royce of the raygun world. The mother of all dueling ray-pistols, the Clockwork Vaporizer can blast an opponent to kingdom come at approximately fifty space paces (the earth equivalent being approx. 60 miles) without leaving so much as a mark on one’s attire. This leaves one free to take tea under the jacaranda bushes with the colonel's lady immediately afterwards without one’s sartorial elegance being compromised. Jolly good.


The first in our series of unique liquid based weapons (yes I know that makes it technically not a ‘raygun’, smart-arse), the BBB is probably one of the first guns in history to make use of that lethal but surprisingly little used substance; blood extracted directly from the liver of a Somersetshire cider maker. The blood, having reached levels of alcohol toxicity previously presumed to be impossible in a human being (well, at least a living one) is concentrated, super heated, and spewed out of the BBB’s triple-pronged nozzle at a pressure equal to something resembling your average volcanic eruption. The result to any life-form stupid enough to be stood in front of it is fairly spectacular to say the least. Ever seen anybody disintegrating a sand castle with a super-soaker? Kind of like that, only far, far grosser. Hours of fun.


Known affectionately around the lab as ‘bob’, The Discombobulator is The Pocket Rocket’s slightly more sophisticated cousin, the technologies having been ‘borrowed’ from the same source using the Prof’s own unique brand of industrial espionage. The Discombobulator’s patented anti-thermal blooming jaws provide a precision stream of thermo-nedulous particles, which allows you to be a little more discriminate in your choice of target. Useful if there are any passing fluffy kittens or innocent by-standers. Or possibly not. You never know with some people. Aesthetically The Discombobulator is up there with the best of ‘em, with its shapely lines, red and white colour scheme and warm red light effects, so watch as your friends dissolve in to little molten puddles of envy. Oops, no, you’ve just left the safety catch off. Now you’ve got no friends. Idiot.


As one of the most powerful pieces in the Rubbertoe arsenal, The Pocket Rocket really packs a punch. Powered by blue plasma wave technology, it is capable of incinerating large swathes of advancing armies almost instantaneously. Plus, its a got a really snazzy blue and red colour scheme and lovely blue lights, which is always nice. Who says a weapon of mass destruction can’t be beautiful? I remember the Prof telling me the story about how he came by those plasma tubes in the pub one night; something involving the Grand Master General of Zogron 8, a chicken and a bottle of tequila I think. To be honest, seeing as some of the Prof’s stories tend to leave you feeling so dirty you feel like you need to scrub yourself from the INSIDE, I tend to tune out after a few minutes.


Made by Doctor Who prop-maker Nick Robatto. So named for the hilarious way in which it causes the victim to break into what can only be described as some sort of variation on the highland fling whilst emitting a high pitched ‘wheedle wheedle wheedle’ sound. What is slightly less funny is the way that, approximately 0.3 seconds later, the victim’s liquified brain spurts rather spectacularly out through their ears, but that is the Prof’s sense of humour for you.

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