I Confess

Do you know what really sucks? You know a person and you are currently putting together a survival kit for this person because this person is attending an educational institution. For a month or more you have been putting stuff into the box that any stressed student might enjoy plus several special little items you know will be of particular interest to the intended receiver of the package.

But then in the span of one week you find a magazine that does a 10 page spread on their current favorite show, so you want to add that. Then you rediscover an old tool that the character of the show often uses so you drop one of those in the box. Then, the coup da grace - a gift so cool for a fangirl of this franchise that it will make her head explode. That you order from your comic/toy guy but it won't arrive until late next week - near the end of this person's latest school semester. After that she will be moving back home until the fall. I am afraid the box I send will never find her from the school addy I have on her.

She is also a smart person so the main gift is doubly cool and shows off how much I care for her and her love of this fandom. I know she will lose her freakin' mind when she sees what I have collected for her.

I don't do this for just anyone. Only her. It takes a lot for me to respect a person long enough to grow attached to them. On Tumblr you can't really have a friendship but when someone returns your messages and things about you from time to time, you can have a connection - one that is important to me - no matter how weak a connection it may be.

Now I am sure she is mad at me because I told her I was sending her package over two weeks ago and I just didn't. (also probably why she is not responding to my messages lately) I knew I had to wait until the stuff I ordered arrived before sending the gift I really want to give her. I want her to feel special and half a package doesn't do it for me. You know that I go FULL OUT with ANYTHING I do, be it blogging, collecting, or sending out a package. It's part of my insanity to accept nothing less than my best from my dealing with others (the ways I don't apply that same principle to myself is the stuff of novels)

I want to honor her effort to go to school and take care of her life, basically all by her self. She is fighting to be more than what others think she can be and those kind of people deserve to be championed by me.

I only can tell her how proud I am of her and how much I admire her efforts but I think she is tired of all that balloon juice from me. If she is I just wish she would tell me in the same way she told me such great things about what she thought of me when she sent me a Valentine's Day card.

I will send the package anyways. It may reach her after this semester ends but so what. She will know and know soon that someone out in this crazy world adores her and wants to see her succeed at everything she does.

Call me a freak. I don't care. This is how I interact with people I care about. I don't know any other way to connect. For a lonely shut-in like myself, my whole blog life is an attempt to find like minded maniacs to be my friends and validate my contribution to an often cold, cruel world.

WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO?