Pompeii (2014)

Oh this one was a stinker. A bad historical stinker with bad accents from the likes of Kiefer Sutherland. It's the familiar story of a beautiful Roman princess and a gladiator slave watching their love story play out under the volcano that would eventually take all their lives.

Before that effect happens, however, there is much eye rolling and big speeches and declarations of love. Personally, I could have done with a little less of all the swooning. Especially the dewy eyed of Kit Harrington - Jon Snow (Game of Thrones) as our your hero who hasn't yet had his hatred of Rome beaten out of him in the Arena. He's the 'defiant' one who is just a bit smarter and just a bit braver than everyone around him. Oh my beating heart. He also seem unable to be defeated by anyone he is put against.

Though it would have been nice to see him have more than just the one facial expression - yes, that one. The same one you have seen in every scene of Game of Thrones that he is in. Here his Milo is a moody gladiator who bloodlessly dispatches every one put against him. Who thought the Arena could be such a boring place to watch life and death combat but here it is.

 

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, one of my favorite character actors for these kind of films, is also here. You know he will have a good death when his time to go arrives.

Maybe I have been spoiled by all the great Spartacus series I have watched over the past several TV seasons. Those were all blood and body fluids. Pompeii is much more tame than all that.

Only Milo can calm the wild horse, only Milo can love the wild girl but can Milo escape the anger of the wild mountain and a jealous Roman Senator?

 

For a Roman Princess Emily Browning is British and beautiful but she sure is against everything that brings her comfort in life. Quite a progressive viewpoint for the time when women were merely properly and a way to advance up the political ladder was through a connected marriage.

Of course Mt Vesuvius has to explode right at the most dramatic moment of the gladiatorial games. While everyone longingly look at one another the shit truly does hit the fan. But none of our heroes or villains, (no matter the danger they continue to put themselves into trying to escape the wrath of Vesuvius) will die before their appointed time in the story.

For a movie with gladiator battles, this is a pretty bloodless affair. There is no threat that anyone we care about will not die before they absolutely need to. Then and only then will there be death - a cartoonish bloodless death but death nonetheless. If the death can have some meaning or make for a nice ash covered statue then you can be assured we will see that as well.



When the film does come to the eruption, it's a magnificent piece of computer effect. I didn't see the 3D version but it would have been nifty just for all the asplosions.

The movie is beyond predictable except for one small moment but that is not enough to save this one from being anything more than just ordinary.

And really, that kid who plays Jon Snow needs to come up with more than one facial expression and Canadians like Kiefer should never attempt accents - especially Romans.