Problem Solved

I really need to stop looking at blogs when I am blogging myself because it just gives me ideas of what to write about. Too much to share.

I was at a new blog called 'The Non-Review' and the guy who writes it has a similar style of writing and humor to my own so I keep going back. Today TS was writing about bridges and tunnels and I recalled this news story about a jumper on a bridge in China and an old man who had just about enough of the jumper's bullshit and decided to take action. I don't know if its staged or if the old man was working with the cops but it appears that he was just a guy who said "enough is enough" - "I am tired of all these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane" - just replace snakes with 'goofs' and plane with 'bridges'.

OMG

I just shaved my beard with the beard trimmer I got for Christmas. It has all those seductive attachments and at first I thought I would just even it out. Keep the wonderful bushiness. Just like trimming a hedge to look like a swan I told myself. But even at the largest setting I had to give in and just trim everything down to one length. It feels SO weird I am freaking out a bit. I put serious 'being a hobo time' into growing this thing and in one moment - WOOOSH. There goes my endorsement deal as poster boy for 'Hobo Chili' and 'Hobo Chuckwagon Dinner'. (when dad cooked he would tell us - "I am making chuckwagon dinner. I don't know what's in it...but it's hot, it's brown and there is plenty of it.") They were gonna give me a bindle and everything. Damn! I just have to go and make a mess of things. Actually I made less of a mess of things but that isn't the point. Tomorrow I am gonna have to do the complete shave and groom with the foam and everything so that I can move about normal society without taunts and whispers following me everywhere I go. "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!"


Ah Hell, Dick Van Patten. What happened to you buddy? Were times really that tough at the end that you had to be the face of dog food? That is the saddest things I have ever seen. Suddenly I don't feel so bad about myself.

I Love It But...

You really need to stop making statues of me. It's getting a bit embarrassing to tell you the truth. I would rather that my achievements go unnoticed by most of the world. I didn't do all those wonderful things to get your praise and worship. Really. It's a sweet gesture but I couldn't possibly allow this practice to continue. Surely there are more worthy candidates out there? This is what happens when you live in a world without superheroes. People are going to just invent them out of thin air.

http://eyeofpolyphemus.tumblr.com/

Roy Orbison Is The BOMB Bitches!

Growing up I personally had more of a love for Roy Orbison than his contemporary Elvis. Gotta be all those high notes that be givin' me the 'vapors'. Roy just own's this song. I have heard many people do their versions but if you can't hit that great high note at the end it's really not worth the effort is it? One of the truly great songs of the rock era. This video for it gets me everytime. Jennifer Connelly and Jason Priestly? Are you kidding me? How frickin' great is that? We all just want to be loved baby - even if we gotta drive all night.

Hunting High And Low - Denis Salgado

This is an instrumental version of one of my favorite songs by A-Ha. I got sick of trying to find an embedded version of the video that wasn't 'denied by request' and found this instead. It's some sweet guitar work and so much better than the cheezy 90s video for the song.

If We Are Lost, Then We Are Lost Together

http://gilmoure.tumblr.com/

This Is SO Admiral Fluffy's Attitude

But I will always claim that he didn't kill all those mice he has brought me. Those mice were SUICIDAL. The fact that there were no tiny suicide notes found near their bodies is not relevant. I know for a fact that at least two of those mice were on anti-depression medication. Besides, look at that face. Is that the face of a killer?

Best Astronaut EVER!

I have great respect for the early astronauts of the 'space race'. As cool as the U.S. Mercury astronauts are, however, they don't hold a candle to Yuri Gregarin, the first man in space. The Americans went up in rockets built by the 'A' team of German rocket scientists using American technology at a time when America built the best machines in the world. Gregarin went up in a Soviet rocket, build with famous Soviet 'standards' by the 'D' team of captured German rocket scientists. That took a kind of courage I will never know to trust that they could bring him home safely. For that he has my everlasting admiration and respect.

The Ghost And The Darkness

"Tsalvo is the worst place on Earth" - Samuel

I LOVE the movies. If I had to sum up my life philosophy or my 'religion' it would be 'escapism'. Born with a feverish imagination, I have always been able to put myself into the places I see or read about. I can feel myself as the characters in the situations they encounter. If the story is good, I am totally with what the author was trying to convey in his telling. If the story is bad I am rewriting it in my head as I am watching or reading and second guessing the choices characters are making. A great writer or a great tale is therefor very special to me. I have no sympathy for lazy storytelling. (looking right at YOU James Cameron)

My father was a great storyteller. When I was a kid he told me the story of Colonel John Henry Patterson and the Tsalvo lions. It is rare to find man eating animals and ever rarer to find them among the great cats, especially lions. Males lions do not hunt for themselves unless they absolutely have to. The females do all the work. It's the reason the male lion is not really the king - sure he wears the crown, but if he pisses off his harem of bitches he is out in the cold with an empty belly. Males are chosen for their look and fierceness because the females need that 'symbol' to keep predators and rivals at bay but make no mistake, the ladies call the shots in the pride.


So to find two males hunting together, with a taste for human blood, means that they are some pretty messed up members of lion society. Damaged goods if you will. They are without pity or remorse. They have nothing to lose and no fear of humans, if I can anthropomorphize them for a second. By the time their story came to an end, these two lions had killed 140 (!) men. The locals called these rouge beasts 'The Ghost' and 'The Darkness'. When finally put down the lions were maneless (another unusual feature but not for lions of this area) and both were exceptionally large. Each lion was over nine feet long from nose to tip of tail and required eight men to carry back to the camp. You can actually see them today at the Field Museum in Chicago. They say when you look into their eyes you feel fear.


In 1898, Colonel John Henry Patterson was commissioned by the British East Africa Company to oversee the construction of a railway bridge over the Tsalvo river in present-day Kenya and arrived at the site in March of that year. Almost coinciding with his arrival the attacks on workers began at the build site. Believing the lions to be evil spirits and blaming Patterson for their arrival, work was shut down as it became increasingly difficult to keep workers despite efforts like nightly curfews, protected walled camps (called Bomas) and nightly bonfires. Patterson was forced to confront these two predators if he was to be successful in his mission to complete the bridge.

Many problems not related to the man-eating lions were also evident in the railway camp. The groups were divided by religion, class and ethnicity. Despite all this, the lions were eventually killed and the bridge was completed over the Tsalvo river.


The movie starring Val Kilmer and Michael Douglas takes some liberties with the story (mainly the lions have full mains to make them more fierce looking I assume) but it's a pretty accurate retelling of the tale. The setting of the movie is great with fantastic foreign actors, most notably John Kani as Samuel, Patterson's right hand native guide (Kilmer). Kani was also in 'The Wild Geese' and is one of my favorite African actors. He is a strong presence in this film.

I enjoyed this adventure despite the over-the-top performance by Douglas. It has a great setting and continues the tradition of 'great white hunter' movies, popular since the early days of film. The filmmakers don't shy away from the racism of the times either. Kilmer is seen as the only hope for survival from the superstitious workers specifically BECAUSE he is white. They have a belief that the white man can do anything having seen his inventions like the rifle and the steam engine.

I've Said It Before...

The top hat is a GOOD look on anyone. Really, just look at the way it makes this freak presentable. Like capes and cane swords they are SO due for a comeback. I would add the monocle to that group but I won't because then everyone would be calling me 'Mr Peanut'. He ruined the top hat and monocle look for everyone. Fricken anaphylactic shock inducing bastard! (you knew I HAD to go there!) Mr. Peanut is just a freak.

I Am Gonna Lose Any Street Cred I Had Left By Saying This....

but I LOVE this outfit on her. It's the hat. She looks like such communist candy that I want to 'nom nom nom' back to the days of the Cold War. Ah, we had DESIGNERS back then! Like Klinger said when looking at a coat rack - "A slender woman can wear anything". I love you Taylor but you are right on the line baby. So eat a radish or something today. And cover it in whip cream. I will not judge you.

So Hard To Choose Just One Scene...But...

http://eclecticbanana.tumblr.com/

Three and Four Musketeers

I am old enough to remember a time when Michael York was one of the biggest stars in the world. I thought he was just awesome when I saw 'Logan's Run' and the 'Three and Four Musketeers' for the first time. He was the model of 'dashing young hero' before Luke Skywalker came along. Seeing several blogs post pictures of the cast got me to go back into my video vault for these two movies.


I was always fascinated by the back story behind the making of the Three and Four Musketeers. Director Richard Lester (who later added his directorial flair to Superman 2) shot enough footage to make two movies so that is exactly what the studio did - released two movies but only paid the actors for one. Hollywood douchbaggery at the highest level for sure.

There is, in fact, a clause inserted into every actor's contract these days that stipulates how many movies they are performing in at any given time to prevent such a thing from occurring again. You wouldn't think that such a thing would be necessary but there you have it.


The two movies were shot at the same time so they naturally go together and flow nicely from one to the other. Once you get used to the style of Lester with his background murmurings and slapstick humor they are very charming pictures. I always noticed how 'natural' they were. People slip on ice, get hurt when they fall off of horses, are dirty and smelly, and die slowly from stab wounds. The cannons and guns are inaccurate and unreliable and nothing is pristine or polished. JUST LIKE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IN REAL LIFE. I always wanted to live in that time period but I would insist on 22nd Century plumbing technology before I went anywhere.


Killing a man with a sword was relatively easy, unless the other guy was as good a sword fighter as you were. 'Rob Roy' was the only recent movie to even come close to depicting this fact. Sword fights are chess matches where a killing blow comes only after capitalizing on an opponent's mistake. They are not pretty or grand with choreographed flourishes like in the 'Princess Bride' (which to be fair was being ironic and celebratory in their memorable sword fights). It's an ugly way to fight and an ugly way to die. There is no shame in using any trick you can to gain the advantage and the combatants know this and accept it. Watching Christopher Lee fight Michael York or Oliver Reed is a real treat. You can see the wheels turning in their minds. There is cunning and experience at work there.


All the actors in both these pictures are superb. They are loud and bold like the story demands that they be. The villains are not who you think they should be with Charlton Heston's Cardinal Richelieu being the best example of this. He is first and foremost a politician and the script doesn't turn him into a mustache twirling bad guy. He's a 'son of bitch' but you admire his style.


And tell me, is there anyone who can 'out-act' Oliver Reed? The man chews scenery like its made of cheese. No one plays damaged souls like he does. You know the man lived it in real life because it's all there to see on the screen. He never short changes you. Ah, we had movie STARS back then.

The movies take a dark turn at the end but there are some epic moments not to be missed. Great stuff.

Thanks to http://eclecticbanana.tumblr.com/ for geting me back into these pictures by posting some great reminder pics on his tumblr.

Just Sad

"Oh yeh, I'm a mouse. Squeek squeek. I like cheese. Look at me. Squeek squeek."

http://exclamationmark.tumblr.com/

Okay

The guy on the left, with the glasses...well he isn't even TRYING. You gonna be a zombie you gotta go 'FULL RETARD' on that zombie!

http://exclamationmark.tumblr.com/

I Had A Dream, I Had An Awesome Dream - 2

The black and white 'security kitties' are the best.

http://thisisnthappiness.com/

I Have No Idea What It Is About

But I HAVE to see it.

Batgirl + Batmobile con sketch by Joe Haley

Dorian Gray

"Some things are more precious because they don't last."

The first word that comes to mind is 'sumptuous'. This movie just fills the screen with Victorian beauty. Every costume and set piece is amazing. The period detail is so overwhelming I felt I could almost smell 19th Century London. Everyone talks like they would or should. The language of London society is perfectly captured here. Everything said is dripping with layers of subtext.

The movie begins with a murder and the disposal of a body and that sense of foreboding hangs over every scene. Who is the person in the steamer trunk? What drove Dorian to kill that person? And what is so special about that damned painting?

The 'Picture of Dorian Grey' was the only novel written by Oscar Wilde and it is so far removed from his usual witty presentations that one would not suspect it came from his mind. Its a cautionary tale of the dangers of hanging on to youth too long and refusing the grace that comes with aging.


The terrible contradictions of life at that time required a man to repress his desires so that he could exist in 'proper' society. However, those desires still remained and to satisfy them would create feelings of dispare and self-loathing. That dichotomy gets fully aired in this movie through the character of Lord Henry, a nobleman and friend to Dorian. He instructs Dorian to embrace every sensation he can but doesn't tell him that such actions have consequences.

How Dorian trades his soul for eternal youth and beauty is not explored here but that is not the point. It's the high cost of selling one's soul that is important. You can never run from time or your actions. Your sins are trapped in moments like flies in a spider's web. And Dorian does have sins.

After meeting and romancing Sybil, an actress, Dorian begins a slow decline into debauchery and hedonism. She is the last pure and beautiful thing he knows before totally falling into the hell that Lord Henry has laid before him. It's when he rejects her love for him that the painting begins to take on his sins while leaving the young man untouched by time or consequence. Thus freed, Dorian can explore all his base desires.

As the world ages around him, Dorian remains youthful but becomes more tormented by the horror that his life has become. You feel how out of place he is. This was not a gift visited upon him. It was a curse and a perfect representation of the old adage - 'be careful what you wish for'.

It's a remarkable Gothic story and one that I enjoyed falling into. The cast was pitch perfect especially Ben Barnes as Dorian and Colin Firth as Lord Henry.

I was haunted by the thought of having the entire series of paintings showing Dorian's decline that they must have had to created for this movie. If I was Ben Barnes I wonder if I would want to have them once the movie wrapped. Imagine them hanging on the wall next to a large staircase leading to the second floor. Weird but hypnotic.

Big Fan Of This Guy

This reminds me of the best line ever from NCIS:

Abby - "I wonder what Ducky (David McCallum) looked like as a young man."

Gibbs - "Illya Kuryakin"

If you get the joke you are one of my people. If not, turn down your music and turn off the light when you leave a room. I am not made of money!




http://eclecticbanana.tumblr.com/

Show Of The Decade - The Daily Show

I never miss this one. It seems sometimes that the only one with the balls to call out the liars and cheaters in the world is a comedian and actor who found his niche to the delight of anyone with a brain. He is no lightweight and you view him as such at your peril. Jon Stewart has changed the game by making those in power fear his snark and biting wit. Sure he has a whole staff of writers to fall back on but you can't deny the brilliance of his old school interview style. To see him challenge and eviscerate the pompous is a beautiful thing to witness.

"In a quiet, unassuming way, this guy from the previous generation has become the symbol of many of the things our generation is all about: logic, skepticism and political change through merciless teasing. And the fact that most of our elders call us "the worst generation" for relying on a comedy program for our news, while we call them "the insanest generation" for creating an environment in which a comedy program is one of the more reliable sources of news, seems like one of the more interesting conflicts of the decade."

Song of the Decade

I was struggling with this topic all month until I saw someone else mention this song. It's a no-brainer. This video and song revolutionized music for me. Hot, hip and funky with spirit and a sense of fun that has been lost in music. If they never do another notable thing 'Outkast' and Andre 'Ice Cold' 3000 showed us how it SHOULD be done. "Outkast finally made us believe the two most important sounds of the past 40 years (rock and hip hop) might finally get together and make beautiful, weird love." Innovative lyrically and musically it set a new bar for me. If you don't 'shake it like a Polaroid picture' then you sir, are dead to me.



...and Dookie on drums!

Cool Short Film

I saw this over at Brother May's site and it is awesome. The tension just builds and builds and is exactly like the loop of film that constantly runs over and over in my mind. Killer robots and alien invasions. When it happens for real I will be like that kid under the bridge. Just watching it all happen in front of me. The foreign setting just adds to the eerie feeling this short film creates. Who says they have to attack only the English speaking world first if at all. I am sure the South Americans can kick ass just as well as the rest of us and kick their alien robot asses they will. WELCOME TO EARTH BITCHES! I understand this short feature landed the director some big time Hollywood attention from the likes of Sam Raime. I give Sam credit - the man knows talent when he sees it.

Happy Birthday Stan Lee

Next to my father, no man had more of a hand in raising me as Stan Lee did. Alot of my values come from the comics I read as a child. I spent many hours in my large leather chair escaping from the real world reading about the characters that he created. Geek culture never had a better and more spirited spokesman. Despite all the ups and downs of the business in the past 50 years he has remained the one thing you could believe in. To me, he's a larger than life figure and the person I would most like to have lunch with.

A few years back Kevin Smith interviewed him and I devoured those DVDs. You could see his eyes sparkle when he talked about topics he must have been asked about a thousand times or more. He made you proud to be a comic fan. It was HIS vision that allowed EVERYONE who creates today to have the medium of comics to work in. HE is the reason we can be proud to call these funny books literature now.

I can't ever remember anyone having anything bad to say about him. He was always more than a gentleman to anyone who came up to him and reminded him of what we all know - that he is 'THE MAN' and one of the good ones. Happy 87th birthday Stan Lee - Excelsior!

You Met My Boy?

He's the cutest baby at the zoo. Just LOOK at him!

Canadian Girls We Love - Skye Sweetnam

Yes, she has the dumbest pop star name ever and yes, her music is lighter than air. However, that doesn't make her any less adorable. The overbite is such an underrated feature on any girl.

We Know We Are Awesome

I was getting ready to watch Canada play Switzerland in the World Junior Championships. This is after our young lads beat Latvia 16 to 0. I know, Latvia. Not really a hockey powerhouse but even that has to impress the doubters. Someone on another blog made a comment about the fact that 'America' has kept our beloved Stanley Cup from us since well before the last century ended. I had not the venue to remind that person that while our TEAMS (all six of them) may not have won the cup, most of the players on those teams that did win WERE Canadians. Apples and Oranges. Of course we will prove that to the world come Olympics time. So spout all the balloon juice you want until that time. Then you can shut your pie holes.

Jib Jab 2009 End Video

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Oh Selena

You make my day what can I say?

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Those Aren't Pillows!!!!

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Yeh - Well Then Bring It, Bitch

You talk a good game but do you have what it takes to back up your threat you eight armed, boneless slug?

http://samuraifrog.tumblr.com/

It's A Sign That The End Is Near

Nickelback's 'How You Remind Me' was the most frequently played song on American radio over the past decade.

http://gilmoure.tumblr.com/

Outpost (2009)

Tagline - You can't kill what's already dead

I was waiting for some enterprising young filmmakers to use the bombed out parts of the former Yugoslavia as the backdrop for an adventure/horror film. You've got it all. Peasants with their sunken eyes, left over weaponry and many with the skills to teach actors how to use them, military vehicles and rain - gloomy and cold rain that creates the kind of sad little environment I always figured that area of the world to be. Add to that a bunch of unknown actors that I don't need to get attached too and we got us something to begin with.

A group of mercenaries and thugs are hired to investigate an 'outpost' (hence the title) or bunker left over from WWII. Of course what they find is not going to be good for any of them. They are a motley group of battle hardened veterans from all branches of the world's military including U.N. Peacekeepers. Of course they bring their old prejudices and unresolved conflicts to the group and this affects the way they interact with each other. All this testosterone is kept under wraps until it's needed by their equally scruffy and exhausted commander played by Ray Stevenson who we know from the last 'Punisher' movie.

The mercenaries are hired to bring a 'geologist' into an disputed area to investigate some real estate a company has 'acquired'. We all know that this company and their man know more than they are telling the hired guns but that is what makes it fun - to discover whatever gruesome stuff is going on at the 'outpost' (hey, that's the title)

I liked the way everything is tinged with a dour grey color that perfectly matches the mood. The land even seems as dead and cold as the bunker complex they arrive at. Of course when they enter the underground bunker its all darkened tunnels perfect for things to jump out of. It also has connections to the Nazis so you know nothing good was happening there.

What the 'secret' turns out to be is really just an excuse for us to watch alot of gruesome deaths by some pretty scary creations. That's perfectly okay for such a movie. I didn't expect everyone to break into song so I was satisfied and interested the whole time. Creepy and atmospheric.

Cool Image Of The Week / TV Times Update

I thought BSG was totally overrated but that is maybe because the ending really let me down. It looked like it was building to something then just flattened out. It's hard to live up to the promise of some great individual episodes but that is what happens when you invest time in a show. Few of the great ones ever give you the payoff you have earned by being a long time fan.

The 'Wire' gave a great shock with the way Omar died but ended like it was suppose to - life in Baltimore just goes on.

The 'Soprano's' tried to get cute with their ending so it left us with a 'love it or hate it' feeling. No half way. Personally I hated it. I felt cheated.

'Lost' never grabbed me because I just KNEW all that mythology was not going to pay off in the end. I know I am taking a risk with 'Fringe' but I am willing to take a chance just to see that terrific cast every week.

'Flashforward' is quickly sinking into 'Lost' territory. I am asking too many questions in my head despite the regular information about the over arching conspiracy that is released every episode. When the answers only bring about more questions, it is never good for the viewer.

'Law and Order' has fallen into routine and I actually am preferring an Australian cop drama called 'City Homicide'. Great stories and great police characters. It's old school but more realistic than the fancy procedural minutia we have with the CSI franchises.

Both 'NCIS' shows are good because like 'The Mentalist' CHARACTER is what is most important. Though I really am getting tired of Tony's childishness on NCIS. I want Ziva to just put him down hard.

If you can catch it, the CBC show 'The Border' is a strong program about a unit that protects the Canada/US border from terrorists. Again, it is more realistic about what can be done and is being done today with stories right out of the newspapers.

'Flashpoint' does the same excellent job showing us the inner workings of a big city S.W.A.T. team - this time the big city being Toronto which they make little effort in concealing. It also has Amy Jo Johnson in it and I lurv her.

'V' has already lost me. Most days I just want to laugh and thankfully there are some great sitcoms like 'The Middle', 'Modern Family', '30 Rock', 'Parks and Rec' and even 'Castle' for that. With 'Burn Notice' and '24' returning (OH PLEASE - don't put Jack's granddaughter in peril) we are enjoying one of the strongest years for TV in a long time. To bad we have to wait for the summer for a new season of 'Warehouse 13'. Time for a marathon of the first season before that starts up again.



http://eyeofpolyphemus.tumblr.com/

Um...MEOW?

Is it just me or is Salma getting better looking the older she gets? That is one hot and spicy burrito.



http://exclamationmark.tumblr.com/

Best Episode Ever!

Homer - "Boy that John is great. We should have him and his wife over for drinks sometime."

Marge - "I don't think he's married."

Homer - "Oh, a swinging bachelor eh? Well, there are lots of foxy ladies around."

Marge - "Didn't he seem a bit 'festive' to you?"

Homer - "Yeh, great guy, life of the party."

Marge - "HOMER, He prefers the company of MEN!"

Homer - Well who DOESN'T??

Did You Notice?

It's a tradition around the Cave of Cool to watch 'The Sound of Music' at this time of year. I know the songs and moments by heart and half the fun is the anticipation of the moments I remember. However, today I saw something I never noticed before.

You all know the scene where the Von Trapp kids put on a puppet show - THE MOST ELABORATE PUPPET SHOW EVER IN PRE-WAR AUSTRIA? Let's forget for a second the EXPENSE of the the puppets and the theatre and just focus on how detailed and choreographed the whole production is. It would take a team of professional puppeteers the likes of Jim Henson and Frank Oz the better part of a month to put something that complex together. Sure the kids WERE Austrian and they did have Julie Andrews to help put it together but COME ON - I just laughed the whole time as it got more and more detailed as the song continued and they pulled it off without a hitch.

I have seen the musical on stage a few times but can't remember how the puppet show looks on stage or even if it's part of the stage musical. If it is I bet it has taken the sanity of more than one director in it's day. The whole thing was wonderfully insane.

Jr. Judgement Bear Judges You

 

There are a lot of times when I wish I could comment on the great things I find on some of my favorite tumblrs out there but its just not possible. I, however, make comments convenient for any of you who may like to drop a note regarding something you have seen on my blog. Just throwing it out there. You know...in case you would like to say SOMETHING...to COMMENT or 'RAP' as the kids would say. You know you are getting quality blog here so maybe you just are taking things for granted. I hoped that your guilt would have overwhelmed you by now but I suppose maybe you have had others things to think about at this time of year. I realize this and so have only released the wrath of a 'JR' Judgement Bear upon you. She doesn't look too happy does she? Well she is feeling the need for some love so give her something you don't even have to wrap. Thanks you for your attention to this matter. I know she will appreciate the effort.

Funny Because It's So True

"Steven Wright would tell this joke - "I used to have a psychic girlfriend but she broke up with me before we met."