Questions And Answers Guaranteed To Offend

 

A. If you could get away with one murder in your lifetime without any legal, social, or emotional repercussions, would you kill someone?

Sure, if they were really bad and I didn't have to get too bloody doing it. I would like to plan an elaborate death like a good Bond villain. Something with lots of moving parts and sharks...sharks with frickin laser beams on their heads. Something involving lava is always a nice touch.

 

B. What is your first thought when you receive a message on Tumblr, are you excited for the idea of someone from potentially the other side of the world wanting to talk to you or fearful that someone will criticize you?

I have been lucky to meet a lot of cool people who treat me well. Only one troll I can think of. No marriage proposals from foreign farm women yet but I can always hope.

 

C. Have you ever looked down on someone because you thought your religious views were superior?

Daily. No one has given more thought to the bullshit that is organized religion than I have. I refuse to believe in something I can't see. That is ridiculous to me. Don't tell me about faith because faith without proof is denial and can be manipulated to do terrible things to 'heretics' like me.

 

D. Would you rather know everything the universe has to offer but in exchange lose all emotions or remain the way you are now?

Keep your secrets. They are probably lame anyways. I usually hate to feel anything but when I do feel something good, I enjoy the feeling. I search for that feeling or to put myself in situations where I can find that feeling.

 

E. If you could live and be healthy without sleeping or eating/drinking, which would you cut out of your life?

I don't drink so that is an easy one. Then again I hate to sleep. I always feel like I am missing out when I am asleep. I never sleep well or feel very rested and nightmares come more often these days than ever. I would so like to be done with needing to sleep once and for all. I could get so many other things done with the time.

 

F. If you could take on the exact body and form of anyone else on Earth, who would it be?

Myself because I am magnificent. And I deserve the body I am trying to create with my current weight loss. I lived with the old me so I want to enjoy the new me. I couldn't be a woman because I would be touching my breasts all the time.

 

G. Would you rather burn or freeze to death?

You ask someone who lives in the snow a question like that. We all know that freezing to death is one of the best ways to die. You just fall asleep and die, often with pleasant dreams like the Little Match Girl - which is the most horrible story I ever read as a child. Thank you Hans Christian Anderson.

 

H. If it meant it would solve all world hunger, war, disease and bigotry, would you spend the rest of eternity in Hell?

Earth is Hell. The paradise you suggest would never happen because humans will always have greed and the free will to pursue it to the detriment of us all. We need the bad to know what is good. It's the only way we advance as a species. The trick is recognizing what you can do to be a better person.

 

I. Was the first crush in your life something you had or something someone had on you?

I don't ever remember anyone ever crushing on me.

 

J. Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth?

Sure. Sex is a lot of work and responsibility. I want the time.

 

K. Have you ever watched a full length pornographic movie?

Shame on you for asking such a personal question.

 

L. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?

Gotta go with the Beatles.

 

M. If you could have the ability to manipulate matter or energy, which would you choose?

Energy - because everything is energy and that should allow me to manipulate the matter.

 

N. What was the worst nightmare you ever had?

I could bore you with the story but it involved a giant jack-in-the-box of a clown that would pull me into the box at the end. I always woke up at that point.

 

O. Would you rather spend one year with your one true love just to never see them again or the rest of your life with second best?

I don't believe in true love. There is something about having a comfortable friend whose invested in the same things you are for decades.

 

P. All the sequels/remakes/adaptations/rip-offs in movies nowadays, good or bad?

They are never as good as the originals. They always choose cult classics to redo and you can never replicate the magic.

 

Q. Would you rather be dirt poor and emotionally fulfilled in life or be rich beyond imagination and emotionally dissatisfied for life?

I understand how to be emotionally dissatisfied so bring on the Benjamins.

 

R. Do you have any (secret) feelings of bigotry to any group of people?

Yes, devote religious bigots who believe the balloon juice that is being fed to them. I want to scream at them. Oh and stupid Conservatives who support causes like guns and anti-gay marriage and other issues that don't really makes things better for people.

 

S. Would you rather be the only person in the world that can read minds or have everyone else in the world be able to read minds except for your own?

Too many voices in my head already.

 

T. If everyone in the world would automatically only know one language, which language would you choose?

English - it's very versatile.

 

U. If you were old enough and not in a situation where it would be inappropriate, would you sleep with one of your (past) school teachers/professors?

Hell ya. Pam Sing taught college French. She never wore the same outfit twice and had an amazing boot collection. Wow, Chihuahua!

 

V. A world without religion, good, bad, neutral?

It would be nice if humanity could believe it ITSELF for a change.

 

W. The men's rights movement, legitimate cause or laughable, and why?

I think women should rule so you are asking the wrong guy. Old white men have done enough damage and have enough advantages in life, thank you very much. Cry me a river, Cracker.

 

X. You can eliminate one of your five senses to substantially strengthen the others, which one and would you do it?

Taste I think. The other ones are too valuable to me. I need to hear and see and touch. Okay maybe touch if it doesn't mess up my typing skills.

 

Y. Do looks mean anything to you? Don't lie, could you fall in love with someone you thought was ugly?

I find beauty in many things and many people. It's not all about a pretty face. Without a sense of humor or sense of irony or laughter that sounds like music then what is the point? I do like cute. I enjoy an overbite and a curvy figure. Do you know anyone like that? Hook a brother up will ya?

 

Z. Can you understand the mindset and logic used by the opposite spiritual opinion? An atheist understanding the belief in a higher power and vice versa.

I get it, but I find it makes them simple. To not question what is clearly bullshit astounds me.