Thursday, June 15, 2017

This Kid Just Proves That I Have Wasted My Entire Life

I was thwarted in my attempt to become a Shumka Dancer as a child but if anyone loved me they would have taught me the guitar. Hell our house was already full of Johnny Cash albums so I knew all the songs. I could have been a STAR. The audience would be cheering only for me. FOR ME.

BTW, if you didn't know what Shumka is, this video will help. You start little and when you are an adult you will be able to FLY like those actors who fly in those movies from China. I would have worn the red boots and I would have leaped HIGHER than any man before me. And the show would acknowledge my non-human ability to dance with Shumka. I wish I lived in Edmonton as kid. You couldn't.T keep me away. Joyous and like they are on pcp. I love the spins and the pretty girls in their peasant blouses. I love it all. Look at how joyous that is. That is from the old country where you were in constant fear of first the Cossacks and then Stalin because you have always been the breadbasket of The Soviet Union. You genocide at the hands of Stalin whose brand of Communism meant that even his OWN people had to die for his control to be complete. But still my people DANCE. Ah, another life. I always would ask my Mother she never let me be a Shumka Dancer after seeing them for the first time and probably age five. Her answer was that it wasn't available at Base Shilo. I always tell her it was because my Mother never loved me enough. She hates that joke because it's FUNNY.

I think I most love how things get quiet and them BOOM, the maniac males invade the stage to impress the young fertile maiden. Then they all dance to work it out of their system. It's very erotic also when you think about it.

But my most favorite part is the insane choreography and dancing that is amazingly in synch at a speed that would kill an ordinary human. This take and commitment of decades to the craft.

Did I tell you that I would have jumped the HIGHEST of all men before me. I would have been THE ONE. In fact the proof could be that I leave my boots under my make-up table at the theatre after a show and they would show up polished the next day.

This is a great video that gives you all you need to know about Shumka. Bow you head when you hear the word, Hillbilly. You are not worthy to gaze upon the Shumka.


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Gawd, the guitar is bigger than he is!

DrGoat said...

Nothing like starting out with a Martin Dreadnought guitar.
Hey Cal, your Dad looked a little like Clive Owen in that pic.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I know. He had movie star good looks.