Wednesday, April 5, 2023

Dungeons and Dragons - Honor Among Thieves

When it comes to Chris Pine's career in movies I have always avoided most of what he is done because a guy that good looking is a chore to watch, especially as he is charming his way through the movie and the character. I remember his Captain Kirk well and it has not aged well with me. So when I saw him heading up this blockbuster I knew it was going to be a chore to watch. I am telling you my bias right up front. It also looks goofy from the trailer and I can see there is nothing at stake for any of the main characters so unless they somehow rewrote this trope in a fresh way, it's all downhill from the start.

Oh Sweet Jeebus. It's worse than I thought. Another film written by some elementary school movie script program. It's so created by committee to ape any money making big cast fantasy movie that has come before it and I actually resent the fact that is was made in the first place. How much does the Hollywood really hate us? This film has a 90 and 94% rating respectively. What did I miss?

The cast is just bland enough to make Hugh Grant and his chewing of the scenery seem out of place. I can't tell if anyone else is having as much fun as he is because clearly he knows what kind of horseshit this all is. Guarantied to leave your mind before you leave the theatre. In fact the company involved in making this is HASBRO, the toy company and there are tons of ways to market the film by issuing toys like they have a franchise here and this is not the movie to place all your hopes upon.

Our story revolves around Pine and the daughter he lost to an old teammate who betrayed him and left him imprisoned and away from his daughter for two years. When he returns to find his daughter, Pine is forced to abandon her again and gather a team to rescue her from an impenetrable castle. Just another day at work for this team of thieves. Everything just rambles along towards an ending I can see coming from down the street. 

Now Pine is playing a lute which is the lamest instrument in the D&D universe. Always kill the lute player first. That's the way I roll when I played the game and this film does do service to the game with it's cast of wizards and evil sorcerers and shapeshifters and druids and armies of the dead and assorted magical creatures. Pretty standard stuff really.

After a quest to acquire several magical objects and overcome challenges, the team returns to the castle to fulfill their mission despite being a group of failures. But that is the whole point of the film - overcoming past failures to do the right and honorable thing. How many times have we seen this particular storyline?

The greenscreens set pieces contain all kinds of reasons for the cast to run and run and run some more. But don't worry, no matter how many rocks are falling from the cave walls, our heroes will be safe because none of the danger has any weight to it.. But that is a lot to expect from a film like this. I am surprised I hoped that the stakes would be greater somehow because I know better. Even competing in the 'games' to the death mean nothing because I know they will win in the end and who can care about a movie like that?

It was a neat trick to bring back the original kids from the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon from the 80s. They appear in the 'games' in several scenes. You can tell from their costumes.

This is one to watch with a child who you are forced to care for and you need to fill two hours of your time together before a parent picks them up. That's about all I can recommend. 


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Sorry you didn't enjoy it. A group of us D&D fans went and loved it - best movie I've seen all year.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Hugh Grant can always be counted on.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

What did I miss, Alex? It just seemed so redundant to me. Maybe I have become cynical and can't enjoy a good Hollywood blockbuster anymore.