Just to show you that I really have given this whole 'tazer' issue a lot of thought I submit my proposal for student discipline that I came up with it in one of those moments during a staff meeting when we had all been there WAY too long after a very trying day.
Why not issue each teacher a cattle prod-like taze rod? It could be DNA coded so that each teacher could only use their own and no sneaky student could turn it against us.
You would pick it up in the morning from the charger in the main office.
You would get SIX 'zaps' a day.
If you use up all you 'zaps' in first period on ONE kid that is it for the day. You will just have to rely on your charm and personality to control the little darlings for the rest of the day. No begging, buying or borrowing 'extra' charges.
The 'zap rod' would, in addition to releasing a shock, also make a loud 'bzzzzz' noise that could be used to 'classically condition' everyone else in the class as well as the chosen offender. After about six months all we would need to do is make that sound behind the offending student's back, without the accompanying charge, in order to achieve the desired corrective diaper filling effect.
Parents may be an obstacle to this innovation. Suggest they volunteer in class for a day to alter perception. If that doesn't work, call and bother them about 'Johnny' and Janey's' behavior at least 15 times a day. After a month they will be begging me to taze their kid just to stop the calls from coming.
Or make available a 'home version' of the 'zap rod'. Why should they have to learn all those pesky and time consuming parenting skills when they can just 'correct' with electricity?
Of course the use of cell phones in school or class would trigger an automatic sensor feature in all classrooms that would deliver a nice charge through all personal hand held communication devices when they attempt to use such devices during class time.
When I told them of my plan they all called me mad...MAD! But I will be proven a visionary one day. You will see. You will all see. "zap zap zap zap". (If I could I would taze the whole world, bro)
Look at all the pretty colors they come in also. Ladies, match your shoes, bag, and tazer for that 'complete' look that says, "I am one crazy bitch, please don't fuck with me today." Boy, these things just sell themselves. "zap zap zap zap"
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2 comments:
The wonders of electricity. The benefits that come with living in our modern world never cease to amaze me.
Minus the odd heart attack, this is a great idea. My dad said he had to chuck pieces of chalk at his students to pay attention. This seams more humane. Are those the gun type of tazer or the melee type. Just a lazy person type question. Id rather use force grip personally.
I got phook this time.
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