Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Stay Classy Billy Ray


I go into this post admitting fully that I have NEVER been a fan of Billy Ray Cyrus. His big hit, 'Achy Breaky Heart' is my least favorite song ever. It didn't help things that it was overplayed everywhere and you couldn't turn a channel on TV without seeing his stupid mullet.

I made the mistake of telling someone once that I truly despised that song. Naturally it became my theme song whenever my birthday came along or they wanted to prank me over the school's intercom system. Everyone has their Achilles Heel and that one was mine.

So a few years later this hillbilly comes back with his daughter Miley on the very popular Disney show 'Hanna Montana'. Despite him being on it, I watched the show because young Miley was a very funny young performer. To make her father barely tolerable to me means she was a great actress on that show - at least for the first couple of years.

As she rose in fame like a rocket to the moon, some missteps were made. She did dumb teenager things and since this is the digital age, she did them in front of the webcam.

Poor decisions like allowing her to pose 'nude' for a Vanity Fair pictorial by famed photog Annie Leibowitz was seen as something that sexualized her at too young an age.

In all these incidents, we rarely heard Billy Ray say much of anything about Miley's behavior. He was enjoying the second round of biscuits and gravy that his child's talent had provided him.

However, now that the show is off the air and Miley is moving on as an adult (where I suspect her father no longer has much control over her and her financial fortune), he can't complain to the press fast enough. When he saw the money drying up and the entertainment industry not exactly breaking down his door to offer him roles in future shows, he has turned on the show that gave his life this second act.

He blames the Hannah Montana show for the break-up of his marriage and how Miley is now making decisions that are bad for her life and career. Where the hell were you when she was growing up? Oh that's right you were in the dressing room right next to her. You weren't in Iraq or Afghanistan. You had the chance everyday to raise her right and give her perspective about fame that I can argue you were in a UNIQUE position to teach having been to the top yourself.

Man up and stop whining like a little girl. If you feel guilt then go see a therapist and save us all your hand wringing and soul searching. We don't care about problems in your life that you yourself created by being selfish.

Please just shut up and go away. Miley will find her own way. She hasn't self-destructed yet and I kinda like not hearing about her 24/7. I wish her luck. She can do a good pop tune and is a good comedic actress when she isn't showing off. She can have a good career with you burdening her with your existential bullshit.

Oh and clean yourself up and get an ADULT haircut. That will go a long way towards solving many of your problems.

8 comments:

Budd said...

although you make good points, I will walk away from this thinking about how good biscuits and gravy sounds right about now.

TS Hendrik said...

It's funny, cause I was just saying yesterday on another blog how he should be taken out back and shot while all his records are burned.

Booksteve said...

You ever see Billy Ray's Marvel comic where he and his whole tour bus time travel back to Camelot?

Kal said...

Oh Steve...I don't think I could - it's an abomination unto the god that is Stan Lee.

Ay punishment of Billy Rae begins and end with Billy Ray being beaten with a pillow case full of frozen pickles.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Billy Ray does not acknowledge any guilt or selfishness on his part. In the interview, he goes on to blame The Devil for ruining his family. It's all The Devil's fault and poor Billy Ray is just an innocent victim. What an asswipe.

Unknown said...

I also could not believe how much exposure that stupid song got and he really does need to get cleaned up and get on with his life.

Drake said...

i think he's doing a "ghost hunting" show on SyFy (it has no connection to the Ghost Hunters series they already show), achey breaky heart mullet dude travels the US looking for ghosts, monsters and whatever self respect he has left...

DrGoat said...

Frozen pickles. I really like that. The big kosher kind.
But what's an adult haircut?
That's what my parents used to say to me back in the 60s.