Friday, July 1, 2011

The Matrix Defence


I saw this over at 'Cracked' by way of 'Rue The Day', a site I visit daily and will no doubt be reposting from often.

I can totally see myself using the 'Matrix' defence. Feels good to know that I have my defence set up before I go off and commit the crime. I know those movies backwards and forwards and could easily handle any questions the cops or a lawyer would throw at me.

But since a trial is nothing but a big production, I might as well add my own personal flourishes to show everyone how committed I am to the show.

-Every so often in the courtroom I would just reach out into the air while screaming 'MORPHEUS!!!'

-I will rewrite 'There is no spoon.' a thousand times on my notepad.

-I will answer every third question the same way - 'I know kung fu.'

The Crime:

In July of 2002, Tonda Lynn Ansley of Hamilton, Ohio shot her landlady in the head. This is generally fatal.

The Defense:

Ansley told police, "They commit a lot of crimes in The Matrix." Following her lead, Ansley's attorney reasoned that the "our world is just an illusion generated by our machine overlords" argument was bulletproof and used it as the cornerstone of an insanity defense. They claimed that Ansley thought her landlady was part of a scheme to "brainwash and murder" her while in reality everyone was presumably living in pods of red goo.

Did it Work?

All too well. Ansley's defense was able to prove that she believed she was inside a computer simulation, and as such felt she was entitled to waste anyone around her that could possibly prove a threat. A jury of her peers found her not guilty by reason of mental defect.

On the surface this case seems to echo John Hinckley's famous "Taxi Driver Defense," but there are a few subtle differences we would like to point out: Hinckley claimed he tried to kill President Reagan to impress Jodie Foster by emulating the character of Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver. Tonda Lynn Ansley, on the other hand, shot her landlady in the face because she saw Keanu Reeves jump over buildings and stop bullets with his mind in The Matrix. We feel Ansley went the extra mile.

Note that this defense was so successful that it was used a year later by Vadim Mieseges of San Francisco for, you guessed it, murdering his landlady. Legislation to rename "The Matrix Defense" to the "Kill Your Landlady, Everyone's Doing It, Defense" is still pending.





http://www.cracked.com/article_17470_the-7-most-baffling-criminal-defenses-that-sort-worked.html#ixzz1QspUf100

2 comments:

Belle said...

I think you are right about Ansley. The other guy is a copycat killer.

Paradox Al said...

Damn, it must suck to be a landlady these days.