Sunday, October 7, 2012

Again With Those Pervert Canadian Bears

After five years buried like a mole amid the decaying maps and manuscripts of an historical institute, Lou is given a welcome field assignment: to catalogue a nineteenth-century library, improbably located in an octagonal house on a remote island in northern Ontario. Eager to reconstruct the estate’s curious history, she is unprepared for her discovery that the island has one other inhabitant: a bear.

Lou’s imagination is soon overtaken by the estate’s historical occupants, whose fascination with bear lore becomes her own. Irresistibly, Lou is led along a path of emotional and sexual self-discovery, as she explores the limits of her own animal nature through her bizarre and healing relationship with the bear.


 
I spent three hours listening to her stupid life stories and she leaves with THE BEAR? I hear around the water cooler that she and the bear had 'relations'. I usually swing with whatever is cool with you, baby, but that is just perverse! You do realize that he will still smell like a bear and you will never get that musky smell out of you hair.
 
It's not like the cartoon bears in the toilet paper commercial either. Sometimes stuff sticks to fur and doesn't get removed for a long time. I won't even discuss the disgusting dirt and stick plug these forest gigolos produce in their colon just before the hibernation process begins.

I am so glad I didn't have to read this in my Canadian Literature class. Thank You Tomson Highway!



6 comments:

Erik Johnson Illustrator said...

Trust me, there is nothing "healing" about a relationship with a bear.

I remember in my History of American Illustration class we looked at illustrated newspapers from the 1800s detailing the exploits of pioneers and Western expansion. Let me tell you, if you took a shot every time you saw a menacing bear in those pictures, you would be dead in less than five minutes!

I think my reaction to bears may be very akin to your reaction to cephalopods Kal.

Kal said...

Oh we could talk bears all day. I usually quote from the Simpsons and their Bear episodes...plus that documentary of the crazy Wolverine like guy who built a suit of armor to fight the bear who slapped him around. It's the funniest thing I have ever seen. Especially when they leave him in the field to wait for the bear to come by...you can't write comedy like that.

Kal said...

Do you guys get the toilet paper using bear commericals where you live? Too many bear shitting in the woods jokes.

I have a bear story when were were fishing for Arctic Char. My buddy pulled the canoe to have a shit and there was a bear just off the shore watching him and me the whole time. If the bear would have moved I would have pushed away from the shore and leave them to battle as god intended.

Erik Johnson Illustrator said...

Those Charmin Bears? yeah we've got them here too.

Personally, this is how I think bear should best be used in TV Commercials:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVS1UfCfxlU

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I remember when that book was published -- it was considered SO shocking. It was like Canada's own "Fifty Shades of Grey."

Kal said...

'Fifty Shades of Brown' or 'Fifty Shades of White' further North.