I Am Kinda Obsessed With This Toy Now That I Know It Exists

When I was a kid I have vivid memories of a German language TV show from the 70s that appeared to show real life crime stories. The one that freaked us out the most involved a hooked handed killer. We built up a whole backstory in our heads where he was handcuffed while trying to escape from a train. Somehow he ended up on a train bridge with his hands severed. But he was ALIVE and with his prosthetics he was able to continue his murderous ways.

Then today I learned that this action figure exists.

Holy crap.

That is JJ Armes, the world's greatest private investigator and hook handed agent of badass. Maybe that German show interviewed Armes and I mixed his appearance into something horrific...which it is, in my mind. You would think that if you were a guy that worked with the public that you would trade up for some more realistic looking hands. Let's be honest. Hooks have a bad reputation. Even the action figure came with hands for those days when you are not needing to use your hooks.

 

 

HOW THE HELL DID THIS GUY GET AN ACTION FIGURE???? Not only an action figure with all kinds of attachments for his HOOK HANDS but he also got a Mobile Investigation Unit to tool around in. Not conspicuous at all to have your name on the side of your command center. Not that the hooks for hands deal can be hidden either. I see this guy I am running the other way. Even if he had bubble gum in his pocket.

 

 

They advertised for this training center but as far as I know it was never produced. How cool is it that he has a robot to spar with? Of course Armes is also notorious for being on the toy shelves at the same time as OJ Simpson. Funny thing is I would have been charmed by OJ as a kid. He had that kind of personality. Old hooks for hands would have made me shit my pants though he is probably the least likely to kill me of the two.

Okay, it WAS the 70s and if you had a good hook (to turn a phrase) like Evel Knievel, you could make a career out of your disability. Maybe he was bigger in other parts of the world but he made no impact here in North America except to reawake a nightmare character from my childhood.

 

 

I have enjoyed doing more research on this guy. Clink the links if you too are interested in how you could make the most out of your disabilities in the field of law enforcement.

 

http://www.starsandgarters.com/oh_my_stars_and_garters/2010/08/j-jay-armes-usa-hole.html