Thursday, November 9, 2017

Every Cat Has Three Names

I wrote this post to help my friend Judy who is having some problems with naming her new kitten. As we all know, ALL kids require THREE names.

The First Name is the name given to them by the pet store or the shelter or a parent who doesn't know how to properly name a domesticated animal. My father named three cats, Stinky, Fluffy and Stretchy. Sad. It's when I realized that all cats need three names if only to save their dignity and to me there is nothing as magnificent as the domesticated house cat.

My current girl was called FROSTY at the Pet Store. But she is too classy for that name which is why all cats also need a ROYAL TITLE. Because she is very aristocratic and snotty I thought of the Baroness from The Sound Of Music. I fits her. So her full name became.

Baroness Frosty Von Katzenhammer of the Salzburg Von Katzenhammers.

Then there is a THIRD NAME which is the nickname you give her. I call my girl BEBE or POPPY just around the house.

My Dad named my boy Fluffy because he was well, fluffy. Sigh. But he was a good soldier for 22 years in the battle against the Cephalopod Menace earning the rank of Admiral. But make no mistake. Even in command he never forgot his time as the stone cold killer he was in his youth.

Admiral Fluffy Von Schootchie-Baloo of the Manhattan Scootchie-Baloos was his official name. His nickname was Baloo like the bear from the Jungle Book.

Grand Duchess Stinky Von Picklestruddle of the Geneva Von Picklestruddles. I called her Girlie because Stinky was not a name for a girl this classy who lived to be 25 years old. Never have I ever met a greater mouser in all my life.




Debra She Who Seeks said...

I love the royal titles you give your cats!

Her Royal Highness said...

ALL cats are ROYAL indeed -- BORN TO RULE. Just look at ME!

Humans are fit only to scoop our poop because we grant you that great favour. You are PEASANTS, one and all.

Now, begone from my sight. You offend my eyes.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Sounds like someone had a bad day in a drafty old castle.

Jack Mackenzie said...

The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,
It isn’t just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I’m as mad as a hatter
When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
First of all, there’s the name that the family use daily,
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo, or James,
Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey —
All of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames:
Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter —
But all of them sensible everyday names.
But I tell you, a cat needs a name that’s particular,
A name that’s peculiar, and more dignified,
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular,
Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
Such as Munkstrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat,
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum —
Names that never belong to more than one cat.
But above and beyond there’s still one name left over,
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no human research can discover —
But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Ha, you are second one to send me this piece. T.E. Elliot I assume?

DrGoat said...

T.S. Elliot I believe. A great poem, all the truth.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I should have known that. I am getting old. Forgetting the classics.

DrGoat said...

You are not alone Cal. Time is not our friend.