Friday, December 4, 2009

From The Deep Deep Well Of My Bitterness

I read today that the Drysdale awards were announced and once again I was left off the list. I thought the days of politicizing these things went out with the Cold War but it appears that is not the case. Who do you have to blow to get some attention in this Internets anyways? I could cry and moan (and believe you I will) about my blatant exclusion from numerous categories but I choose to take the high road. So what if I am freakishly creative and prolific? So what if I have done what few men have been able to - bed Nelly Furtado AND mix the disparate elements of cephalopod hatred and kitty love into one fine cohesive reading experience and one fine spread for bread or crackers. So what if I am not above faking my own death to achieve some false validation and recognition of everything that makes me awesome. I don't tell you bitches a third of the reasons why I am awesome in any given month but you are gonna hear about it now by gum.

1. I AM a rebel just like Johnny Yuma was a rebel.
2. I went 'rogue' long before it was fashionable to do so.
3. That song by Johnny Cash...about shooting a man in Reno...just to watch him die? Yup..that was about ME.
4. I have saved this miserable little planet from destruction more times that Kirk and Dr Who put together but I don't go around using that to bed chicks with the exception of Nelly Furtado.
5. I could use my powers for evil but I choose to use them for good. I think I might be revising my edict on that soon...very soon
6. I am a self-important cry baby who wants what he wants when he wants it but don't get to thinking your stupid little award means anything to me.
7. "You can kick me, you can beat me and you can stab me..just don't BORE me". I said that long before Clint Eastwood ever did.
8. Only I can play the role of ME in the biopic they are sure to make one day.
9. For a big guy I move like a ninja gazelle
10. My blogging is prolific AND entertaining and I can comment/rant intelligently across a wide range of topics from pop culture to nominations for stupid awards that no one really cares about.
11. I am Canadian - and I can see Alaska from my house. 'nuff said.
12. I am the magic baby, don't forget it.
13. I still get gift from women and it's not even my birthday!
14. I was running black ops into Cambodia when you were suckin' on your mommas teet at Woodstock...or was that William Stryker from X-Men 2.


Wings1295 said...

Wow. With all that, maybe you should just go and get the damn award and give it to yourself. You don't need to wait for them to smarten up!

katrocket said...

I simply cannot believe you are not up for a "Blog with the Most Kitties" award!

Don't feel bad, Cal - You are the undisputed KING of Kitties as far as I'm concerned, and you don't need a damn trophy to prove it.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Yeh..but if I cross the line where I give myself awards then I really AM pathetic. I really don't care. It was a fun thing to rant about.

Thanks Katrocket - after this comment and the way you tore Dr Zibbs a new one the other day you are one of the good ones. And the kitties know. You can't fool the kitties. Like at the end of 'Sleepwalkers' I know they got my back if I need them.

Leviathud said...

Why would Johnny Cash want to watch you die? And appart from that how was Reno?

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Reno is Reno..dingy and dirty and that are just the waitresses.