I read today that the Drysdale awards were announced and once again I was left off the list. I thought the days of politicizing these things went out with the Cold War but it appears that is not the case. Who do you have to blow to get some attention in this Internets anyways? I could cry and moan (and believe you I will) about my blatant exclusion from numerous categories but I choose to take the high road. So what if I am freakishly creative and prolific? So what if I have done what few men have been able to - bed Nelly Furtado AND mix the disparate elements of cephalopod hatred and kitty love into one fine cohesive reading experience and one fine spread for bread or crackers. So what if I am not above faking my own death to achieve some false validation and recognition of everything that makes me awesome. I don't tell you bitches a third of the reasons why I am awesome in any given month but you are gonna hear about it now by gum.
1. I AM a rebel just like Johnny Yuma was a rebel. 2. I went 'rogue' long before it was fashionable to do so. 3. That song by Johnny Cash...about shooting a man in Reno...just to watch him die? Yup..that was about ME. 4. I have saved this miserable little planet from destruction more times that Kirk and Dr Who put together but I don't go around using that to bed chicks with the exception of Nelly Furtado. 5. I could use my powers for evil but I choose to use them for good. I think I might be revising my edict on that soon...very soon 6. I am a self-important cry baby who wants what he wants when he wants it but don't get to thinking your stupid little award means anything to me. 7. "You can kick me, you can beat me and you can stab me..just don't BORE me". I said that long before Clint Eastwood ever did. 8. Only I can play the role of ME in the biopic they are sure to make one day. 9. For a big guy I move like a ninja gazelle 10. My blogging is prolific AND entertaining and I can comment/rant intelligently across a wide range of topics from pop culture to nominations for stupid awards that no one really cares about. 11. I am Canadian - and I can see Alaska from my house. 'nuff said. 12. I am the magic baby, don't forget it. 13. I still get gift from women and it's not even my birthday! 14. I was running black ops into Cambodia when you were suckin' on your mommas teet at Woodstock...or was that William Stryker from X-Men 2.
Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness
I forever stand vigilant to protect this planet from the myriad of forces that are always against us. Be it the octopus, zombies, aliens or the robots my team of human agents, and our feline allies, circle the globe in a never ending struggle for human freedom.
I learn all I can on every subject that interests me. I especially enjoy ancient history because in the past there are valuable lessons to be found. Also, if I ever get my time machine to work properly, it would be good to know a bit about possible destinations and what to expect when I get there.
I greatly appreciate beautiful design. Be it manufactured or found naturally I am fascinated by the process of invention. I am attracted to the unique, the strange, the haunted. I like to share what I find on this blog.
And not let us forget the 'Cephalopod Menace' who, if allowed to, would wrap their tentacles around all that is good and pure in this life and crush it until it remained no more. They are creatures of pure spite. Hate is all they know. Death is all they do. They are our most ruthless and determined enemy.
So we fight. Selena has the celebrity contacts, the cat is ruthless and without pity, Roosevelt's ghost has the experience and I do the wetwork.
Fighting for the future of the planet doesn't have to be a chore, however. We can take the time to appreciate all that is cool in this world even as we cut the octopus into bite sized chunks.
This is the reason there has always been and must forever be, a Cave of Cool. Be sure to wipe your feet before you enter.