Once again our boys over at The Oatmeal have found their way to my heart. Of course I refuse to even acknowledge the argument (My Mother would beat down your largest Cephalopod like she once did a Russian Shotputter - true story) but I will post one part daily so that you can follow their reasoning for yourself. I assume they really mean that Octopus are more dangerous and scary than your Mom - having not met her that is debatable - but does agree with my core belief about those stinkin' squidies. You can go there right now to see the entire thing if you wish or the lesson continues tomorrow.
"I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you think your mother, or perhaps mothers in general, are pretty goddamn awesome. They scrub things, cook pot roast, and produce shrieking little babies which grow up to be astronauts and prime ministers. When you got sucker-punched at recess, she was there for you. When you accidentally peed your pants on the first day of school, she wiped away the tears. When the cat ate your favorite hamster and then barfed it onto your favorite pair of pajamas, she was your shoulder to cry on. Mothers sacrifice their own happiness for the betterment of their offspring.
Like most universally liked things, however, there's always a better underdog.
Enter the Octopus.
Comparing moms to an octopus would be like pitting an army of savages against one well-oiled Gatling gun sitting atop a hill. The mothers would charge the hill, hurling rocks and sticks; they'd roar righteous, compassionate battle cries of warriors who believe they are fighting for the betterment of humanity. They'd truly fight from the heart.
Meanwhile the Gatling gun would rotate in a precise semicircle and mow them down like dogs."
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1 comment:
Invalid argument. As there are mother Octo's. It couldn't be better than itself. Hence it is self defeating.
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