Look Upon Us Oh World And Despair...

Because you don't live in the socialist utopia that exists North of the 48th parallel. We might bitch a little but we got it pretty good up here. I live in a beautiful, park-like city with great seasons to experience all year long. I have easy, full and free access to two doctors and many other professionals dedicated to my better health and welfare. I pay next to nothing for my access to satellite TV and fiber optic internet speed and there are never disruptions in service.

My grocery shelves are full of food, especially garlic stuffed olives from Greece and fresh garlic parmasan french bread - two of my favorite combinations of eats. My country is ethnic and cosmopolitan so there is no economic barriers to my enjoyment of the delicacies of other nations whenever my tummy growls for them. I don't worry about the safety of the food I am eating.

The streetlights work as does the plumbing.

When you call a cop or an ambulance they are there in mintues. Same goes for the fire fighters.

Every spring they clean and wash the streets. When it snows, the roads are cleared within 24 hrs.

Tim Hortons - and I don't even drink coffee.

I can grow mostly flowers in my garden so that I can help the bees. We all know we are nothing without the bees. If I WANTED to grow vegetables, I could because I live on the most fertile part of this good Earth. You should see the zucchini and radishes we can produce with next to no effort. Massive, like the size of a baby's head.

My entertainment industry may suck but no one tries harder to entertain and enlighten than Canadians. More of us are in Hollywood than you think. There are no people who understand comedy more than Canadians do. Living with others during the long, cold winters gives you a sense of humor. If you don't have one you just don't survive.

We have also been schooled (through the CBC) by getting to see the best of American and British comedy programs for decades. We are in a unique position to judge what is funny and what is not. We just KNOW funny. It's in our DNA.

We also make Heartland which is a beautiful family drama about horses and the people who live with them in Alberta. I am not ashamed to say I never miss an episode - no matter how corny it can get.

I get to enjoy all the best things about American culture without actually having to BE an American.

I live in a country that worships a violent sporting event that takes place on ice with participants armored as much to protect them from the hard ice and the hard puck but especially to protect them from the even harder players. That is also the sport where a handshake ends every championship series. No other sport has that kind of tradition.

My air is safe to breath and the water from my taps is clean. My bath water doesn't light on fire because of fracking being done in my area. Any spills or environmental damage caused by the oil industry is dealt with immediately and effectively.

My mother is safe to go about her life and travel the world on a well used Canadian passport. A lifetime of hard work was rewarded by the system - the system that wasn't allow to put her pensions at risk and the life insurance companies paid off like they were suppose too.

When my father was dying of cancer we never felt that his hospital stays and special needs would bankrupt the family. As a citizen and a veteran, all those things were paid for and taken care of just like they paid for his hearing aids. As an artillery man, that kind of damage was predictable and it was easy for him to get the treatment he needed despite having the pre-existing condition.

Even after death, Veterans Affairs pays for our yard work and snow removal. It's a huge load off my fat ass. I like some chores but shovelling snow and moving the lawn isn't one of them. I am more a laundry, dishwasher, and vacuuming kind of guy.

I live in a neighborhood with large trees and near neighbors who know how to mind their business. There is no loud yelling or late night parties. Only the crows and the garbage truck wakes you up in the morning but that only happens once a week when my garbage is picked up without fail. I can even leave out recyclbles and that big tub of stuff stays out of the landfill too. The city makes it easy for me to 'do my part'.

Despite what you may have read, we do not race Polar Bears down our main streets on Canada Day. That is a more Family Day tradition that doesn't happen until February.

Happy Canada Day!