Sorry ABC, I Will NOT Allow This To Happen

You can argue with me, threaten me, or send your corporate goons after me but I PROMISE you that if you reboot this abomination I will destroy all that you are and have the ashes spread over your loved ones - except the pets of course. I can't blame them if their owner is a dumbass who has no sense and probably never even watched LOST because if he did he would never want to see this madness ever repeated again.

You all know the legend. I watched the first season of LOST religiously and loved it and poured over all the clues that were supposed to mean something but were all bullshit. I dropped that show after season one when I got the sense that it was all smoke and mirrors and for five years I barely followed news about it as people lost their damn minds over NOTHING. Every week there would be a flood of LOST stories so you couldn't avoid it. I knew it was on but I was free from the weekly wait for new content that was equally as confusing to people who just wanted their time and attention rewarded with SOMETHING but instead they got NOTHING.

Then came the last season and the much hyped finale. After fighting against it for years, I finally decided to give it a go and do it like the television beast I can be. One massive binge. I spent the three months before the finale watching up to five episodes a day to catch up right from the beginning. For three months I was immersed in LOST.

I followed a few good LOST fan pages and tried to put the whole puzzle together. BUT THAT WAS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE BECAUSE EVEN THE NUMNUTS WHO WROTE THE FUCKING SHOW DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON.

Episode ONE I predicted that they were all dead and this was purgatory and redemption for characters who don't really deserve redemption. It's like God being a real dickhead just because he likes to teach dead people hard lessons. SEE, my explanation is infinitely better than anything they came up with over SIX FUCKING YEARS.

After the finale I wanted to hang myself. I wanted to hang everyone online who talked to me about it and I still bristle at the thought of this show. At least all the actors don't carry the stink of LOST on them, at least in my mind. Evangeline Lily is my Wasp and I could never hate her. But I will not talk about LOST with anyone in a meaningful way. This rant replaces any and all that I have to say about the television program called LOST.

I HATE IT so I will not talk about it even if such a conversation would ease my pain.