Friday, December 11, 2009

I Keep Warning People That THIS is How They Getcha

Serving beers to my aquanauts eh boneless? Well played my enemy, well played. I guess you showed me that you haven't run out of ideas and that's a good thing. You keep me on my toes and bring inspiration to my crusade. Savour the moment now as I will savour the moment at the end when all of you freaks will be gone from our oceans forever. I won't get complacent again. I forgot for a minute that scheming and plotting is what you do and its ALL you do.

New policy for all Agents in Shadow:

1. Helmet stays on at all times whenever you are in the water.

2. Accepting bribes or other gifts is an ethical (and possibly legal) violation of your solemn oath. Don't even take the beer 'to go'.

3. The beer down there is not worth your time or effort - I would drink my own urine before ever having another bottle of 'Squid Lite'. The same beer from the keg is even more horrid. This also hold true for their blackest of the black dark rum called KRAKEN.

4. Stop buying cephalopods as pets for your indoor aquarium. They are unpredictable and can cause you damage in the future after the surprise 'growth spurt' occurs.

5. Use the 'buddy system' while on patrol. If you want to play 'cowboy' then you are not only going to get yourself killed but many others may suffer from your ego and arrogance.

6. When the cephalopod strips for you and calls you baby, she is only after your wallet full of identification and credit cards.

7. Keep your prayers private in your head and never speak them aloud. Like a beacon our invertebrate enemy can key in on your location and use your fear against all of us. Besides, when has Jeebus helped anyone other than himself? I good sharp harpoon does more for your well being than prayer has ever done or will do.

1 comment:

Wings1295 said...

Obviously this guy was slipped something to make him think he was sharing a beer with a bud, and NOT a giant creepy cephalopodic-monstrosity!