His plan to farm giant bunnies that went south after he ate all the bunnies himself.
The fact that he taught his people that he was responsible for the weather.
His fashion sense; a mixture of militant lesbian and UPS delivery boy.
He forced an entire country to celebrate his birthday every year.
It’s on record in North Korea that he once scored 38 under par on an 18 hole course, which is the best score in the history of ever.
He once kidnapped a director and forced him to make a movie. Because he liked movies.
A tiny man with a tiny man complex, he deported all tall people from the capital city.
Also disabled people.
He also legislated haircuts, claiming long hair sucks productivity away from workers.
Remember how he controls the weather? it changed with his moods Mood weather.
When he was born, the sky apparently filled with rainbows and the seasons changed.
He only traveled by private, armored train.
He liked to call himself an Internet expert. He was probably tweeting so many Googles, you don’t even know.
In one year he spent nearly $1 million on Hennessey.
He had the world’s biggest flagpole built in the middle of a fake town that no one lives in. If you’re not sure what we mean by fake town, it’s not a riddle. It’s full of fake houses, most without windows, with lights that run on timers.
He blew up the school he went to as a child. Like exploded.
He was in love with Liz Taylor.
There was someone on staff to inspect all his rice to make sure each grain was the same size.
School kids learn that everybody poops, except him. He’s not a pooper. No poop for Kim Jong.
Rumor has it he injected himself with the blood of virgins.
He imported hookers from Europe. Because local hookers suck.
When doctors made him quit smoking, he made everyone else in North Korea quit with him.
He’s supposed to be the Eternal President. No word on how he plans to rule as a zombie.
I forever stand vigilant to protect this planet from the myriad of forces that are always against us. Be it the octopus, zombies, aliens or the robots my team of human agents, and our feline allies, circle the globe in a never ending struggle for human freedom.
I learn all I can on every subject that interests me. I especially enjoy ancient history because in the past there are valuable lessons to be found. Also, if I ever get my time machine to work properly, it would be good to know a bit about possible destinations and what to expect when I get there.
I greatly appreciate beautiful design. Be it manufactured or found naturally I am fascinated by the process of invention. I am attracted to the unique, the strange, the haunted. I like to share what I find on this blog.
And not let us forget the 'Cephalopod Menace' who, if allowed to, would wrap their tentacles around all that is good and pure in this life and crush it until it remained no more. They are creatures of pure spite. Hate is all they know. Death is all they do. They are our most ruthless and determined enemy.
So we fight. Selena has the celebrity contacts, the cat is ruthless and without pity, Roosevelt's ghost has the experience and I do the wetwork.
Fighting for the future of the planet doesn't have to be a chore, however. We can take the time to appreciate all that is cool in this world even as we cut the octopus into bite sized chunks.
This is the reason there has always been and must forever be, a Cave of Cool. Be sure to wipe your feet before you enter.