I have decided that tomorrow will be the time when I have to finally take the Admiral to Valhalla where he can feast and sleep and chase his tin foil ball like a maniac down the main hallway off the kitchen. Then he will eat his food from the tin on the floor because he was humble. But his WATER came in a crystal bowl and sat on the marble coffee table in the main parlour. He would drink my water as a kitten when I would mark school work in front of the TV so I got my mom's finest crystal and convinced him it was the only place he could get a 'cup of fresh'. He always knew it was the best water in the house.
When his favorite cat food ran out he would eat canned salmon only under process. Then most of the rest of the day was spent not being more than five feet away from me at any time during the day. When I left the room he followed for lunch or to since with me where the big TV is or get his rubdown every night as I went to sleep. Except for that three weeks when he was lost from me, he never wandered far from the yard. He liked to check out his small kingdom and with his failing eyesight he was content with his shrunken world.
He lived a good life with no pain, no medical or dental conditions except for that boil he got a few months ago. It's only this week he has seemed weak. He could not get to the coffee table so I had to put his water on the floor. He is hiding downstairs behind the couch near the wall. For a cat who couldn't get enough of my attention, he is avoiding me like he owes me money. I bring him up in a box with his blanket and talk to him and pet him but he wants to go back to his dying place. After four days of not eating but still drinking water, I need to keep him from getting worse and becoming more immobile. I owe him a release from any pain or confusion he may be having. I hate that he can't let me share these last moments with him but I have to give him his dignity. This is his way of not dying in front of me. He doesn't want me to have that memory.
But I will be there when he passes and I will tell him how much I loved him and how he saved my life in ways he will never understands. When I lost the people I loved the most in this world he was always there to remind me that another living creature needed me and loved my company. In this creature's eyes I was good enough and no living being every looked at me that way....ever. Sorry to post this. You can just pass it over without comment. I know which of you care that I am hurting and that means a lot to me. No comment necessary. I had no idea the love that was out there for me at this crappy time. So I wrote this because I need to get this out before I kill my best friend who deserves better. He was a good cat. And at the end of the day, that is all anyone can ever say about any companion animal. Thank you buddy. You were my bestest boy.