Up In The Air

"Make no mistake - life is moving"

I was lucky enough today to come across a screener for the new George Clooney movie 'Up in the Air' which has been getting alot of good buzz and made most critic's top ten list for 2009. Personally I am one of those people who has a bit of a man crush on my boy George. He seems like he would be a cool guy to hang out with like Brad Pitt does. He may be the biggest asshole in the world but he doesn't come across as that. Even if he occasionally did dickish things all it takes to make it all better is that boyish grin and 'who me?' shy glance. I can see how so many of the world's most beautiful women fall into his bed. He will never be married because he doesn't NEED marriage like us mortals need marriage and family to justify our existence. He could have went the action star route when he was younger but choose to pursue the leading man stream in his movie career. I always got the impression that it was because he was just too cool to be bothered with all that sweat.


George plays Ryan Bingam, a guy who works for a company that specializes in telling people that they have been fired to prevent their bosses from having to do this unpleasant chore. He is called a 'transitional specialist'. He lives on the road and hates the confinement of staying in one place. Family life is his worst nightmare. His life is so orderly and organized that he can rush right through airports, car rental places and hotels with virtually nothing impeding his swift progress. The montage of him going through security is a rehearsed dance. The airplanes and airports are 'home' to him. Bingam is the one man who lives in a world where the travel and hospitality industry works as it SHOULD work but never does. If anything this movie made me more reluctant to travel because I would want my experience to be like his - not the nightmare that it always is for me and most of us.

The highlight of the movie is definitely the dialogue which is sharply written and very knowing about people, especially high functioning orderly people who don't have the time for small talk or patience to have their routine disrupted. Of course a women with these characteristics would be viewed as a gift from heaven by our boy. Luckily for him, he has such a women in virtually every place he goes.


After years of this "carefree, take only what you can carry, leave any extraneous behind kind of life" he receives a shock. His company is planning to change their entire business model of having a group of people flying around the country for most of the year to fire people thus throwing a huge monkey wrench into the orderly mechanism of George's life. The changing model would find him communicating with the people getting fired via video conference. He would never have to travel again to do his job.

He is then forced by his boss to take the very uptight, college educated go-getter with NO experience with him on one of his trips. It was her idea to use video conferencing. He wants nothing to do with her but decides to show her what kind of job he does in the hopes that she will not support change just to improve the company's bottom line. He hopes she will see that what he does is an art and that the people being fired deserve the unique kind of in person treatment he gives them.

I would be remise if I didn't mention the superb work done in this picture by Vera Farmington as George's off and on love interest and Anna Kendrick as Natalie, the young woman George tries to mentor and show that the old ways are sometimes the best ways.

I can see this movie easily winning a best picture Oscar if people are too timid to give 'The Hurt Locker' it's deserved award. It is that good a blend of comedy and drama with great writing and a great cast. The feeling I had afterwards were the same as I had with 'As Good As It Gets' with Jack Nicolson. Clooney is so effortless in this role (like James Renner in 'The Hurt Locker') you forget he's even acting. I hope he isn't overlooked in the best actor category. I had no strong desire to see this film but I was sold on it by the end. Its a smart adult picture for adult film fans who, like me, appreciate something without explosions at this time of year.

UK Celebrity Big Brother

I have written before about how much I love the UK version of Big Brother and Celebrity Big Brother. Maybe it's the island or the weather or the inbreeding or the tabloids, but the UK has the lock on bat-shit crazy celebrities. To stand out in a colorful stormy land you must be more of a force of nature than anyone else just to be noticed.

Where the US version of this show is safe and tame, the British BB is awash in tension, passion, stupidity and humanity - everything real life is only compressed and trapped within a sealed house where cameras watch people 24 hours a day. You watch it waiting for the time when one of the contestants 'wigs out' over the stupidest things. You can count on it.

They even air an analysis show where the general public and others get to give their opinions about what is happening in the house. That show can be the funniest thing. Host Devina is very funny and snarky and a bitch when she wants to be. (Oh Britannia, Britannia rules the world)

All votes for removal are totally secret. In the US version the contestants spend most of their time making deals and negotiating to stay alive in the game (how American is that?). Take that away in the British BB and you have something entirely more interesting - the real personalities come out because you can only rely on your charm and charisma to convince the public not to vote you out after their name has been put up for nomination. You can be friends with a person and still stab them in the back without repercussions since your vote to remove them is not known. You also catch hell from BB if you are caught TRYING to make allies and deals with others. Frustrating for the contestants - red meat for us.

So tonight starts the last Celebrity BB. A house full of egomaniacs all vying for the public's love. Should be better than a train wreck. I am so there!

BUG

I have a fondness for the 70s for many reasons. When I look back I have the same kind of nostalgia that the 'Boomers' have for the 1960s. We only had 13 channels and in the day before infomercials polluted the late night hours you could see some of the best movies on the 'Late Late Show'. Creature features like the great ones Universal made in the 1930s were a staple.

The 70s produced some of the great 'nature gone bad' B movies too. Often they would find their way to late night TV or the 3rd feature at the drive-in. Like the movies of filmmakers like Rodger Corman, they were simple in concept and cheap to produce.

Some of my favorites include, 'Kingdom of the Spiders', 'Frogs', 'Sssslither', 'The Swarm', Piranha and especially 'Bug'. With a title like that you really don't have to ask what the movie is about. I this case, however the title doesn't tell you what kind of bugs will menace the cast of the film but you knew it would be something creepy. It was one of the last films that Castle Studios made.

The twist on this film is that the bugs of the title come from deep within the Earth after an earthquake gives them access to the surface. Not only are they tough little beetle-like buggers but they also can produce fire and burn everything that they touch. They soon are everywhere and seem to particularly like to attach themselves to the face and hair of women who give us the required screams before they burst into flame.

The music they use is that kind of tinkling electrosynth noise that is often used in movies like this. It always makes me feel uneasy since it has not actually music but noise if that makes any sense to anyone? hard to describe but you know it when you hear it.


Brought into the battle by at first curiosity, and then revenge, is a biology professor who has lost his wife in a house fire. He knows it was no accident and he knows that our fire bug friends are responsible.

I would have loved to see this done with the CGI that exists today. You could have a massive swarm of these things menace everything in sight with explosive results. However, for this story, you only get a few gathered around or individuals who just happen to hitch a ride to cars or trucks and end up in people's homes.

The film is interesting and I can bet from my short summary you can pretty much figure out the rest of the story but trust me you haven't. If you want to know what happens then you have to watch the movie. I promise you more than one opportunity to say "WTF" at some of the goofiest movie stuff ever.

Dusty Abell Art

My blog brother Wings sent me a link showing this terrific peice of art highlighting most of the great pop culture characters of the 1970s. I would love a huge framed poster of this for the cave of cool. I wonder if Dusty Abell is working on similiar prints for the decades after the 1970s. I have posted this image before but its worth a second look.


When I was enjoying that I read in the comments that there was another one showcasing action figures of the 1970s. That was the point at which I wet my pants. I am on the search through the various action figure sites for the Big Jim P.A.C.K. figures shown here. I had Dr. Steel with his steel karate chop hand but none of the others. Big Jim started out as a action figure athlete but soon he branced out to have more variations and adventures than even GI Joe did. I had alot of his vehicles and sets. You could see visiable change in his bicepts when you bend his arm the right way. On his back was a button that allowed you to do a karate chop motion with the right hand. You even got a break-apart piece of wood (plastic) that Jim could chop in half.


My first figure was a Big Josh. When we were first leaving for Europe they had one in the giftshop of the airport. I begged my Mom for it but she had alot on her mind. It was the first time we had ever been on a plane. On the way to the plane we had to walk outside for a bit and it was very windy and snow storming. A man's cap flew off his head and by instinct I ran into the storm, across the tarmack to rescue it for him. Freaked my mom out but good. The man gave me five dollars for doing that so I turned around and was off again but this time to that gift shop to get my Big Josh figure. I ran past security and into the store, got the figure and ran back to the plane. Mom was pissed but I didn't care. Josh was perhaps the gayest lumberjack in the world with his shorts and boots and vest. He came with an axe that you could use that Big Jim arm motion button to chop a log in half that came with the figure.



Good Times

http://wings1295.blogspot.com/

Kukulu Art

Kukulu's art usually creeps me out but never more so whan when he includes the evil octopus in his pictures. Freaks with freaks. GAA!


http://trixietreats.blogspot.com/

Laika

The bravest creature to ever find their way into space and the saddest story of the Space Age.

http://samuraifrog.tumblr.com/

Least Favorite Batman Cover Ever!

Batman ain't no hobbo bitches! He only eats gourmet chlli and don't carry no bindle. When the bums are laughing at you, you know you hit rock bottom. I love the way no matter what crazy situation is shown on the cover, it always gets some crazy resolution by the end of the story. The Golden Age was great at doing the crazy.

http://comicallyvintage.tumblr.com/

Favorite Spider-Man Cover Ever!

http://comicallyvintage.tumblr.com/

Remo Williams - The Adventure Begins

There was a time in my movie going night when we would go to as many as five movies in one week. This was the eighties and although we never had as many theatres as the later movie multiplexes would provide we had enough of them to see most that was being put out in the early to late eighties. Remember 2 dollar Tuesday? Never missed going to a show on that day of the week.

Like 'Buckaroo Banzai' 'Remo Williams', based on a character created in the 'Destroyer' series of pulp action novels, was a huge favorite among me and my mates. The story and character were a unique twist on a traditions cop/spy comedy drama.

Starring the always awesome Fred Ward and the totally unrecognizable Joel Grey it was a fresh take on the cop buddy picture and was pegged to be the start of a long franchise. That is obvious in the title. Not doing so well at the box office it instead tried to spawn a television series that went no further than the pilot. Neither principal actors made the move to TV and instead Roddy McDowell played the irrepressible Chun - Remo's mentor, teacher, and biggest critic.

Ward plays a cop who is 'killed' only awaking to find himself a man without an identity when the now living cop is recruited by a top secret government cabal (CURE) who deal with 'unique' problems - problems the regular government can't or won't deal with. The blackest of black ops. Plastic surgery is done to change his facial features and all records of his life are destroyed. Even his new name is made up having been gotten off the bottom of a hospital bedpan.

Of course Remo doesn't take well to the news that he has been 'shanghaied' but is intrigued by the fact that he will be 'the eleventh commandment - "tho shall not get away with it." He is to go after the biggest criminals that neither law or the government can touch. But first he will need some very specific training.

In comes Chiun - an Korean master of the ancient marital art of Sinanju. A form of superior combat that allows a man to perform amazing physical feats and operate without a gun or weapon of any kind. His body is the ultimate weapon. Of course Chun sees Remo as a poor candidate for his teaching due to all the 'demon hamburgers' he can smell on him. Chun, however, reluctantly takes him on as a student and the two begin their rocky relationship as master and student.

Chiun is played by Joel Grey who is almost recognizable but is the best part of this whole movies. Grey plays Chiun as an arrogant, uncompromising teacher who totally is racist against anyone who is not Korean. He is reluctant to give Remo praise for his accomplishments but Remo grows on Chun and vice versa. He would never admit it but Chiun sees real potential is this latest in a long line of students the master has had to teach. Some of the best comedy comes from the unorthodox training techniques Chiun uses to create this supposed perfect warrior which is the ultimate goal of his teachings.


One thing that always bothered me about the movie is that their are two music snippets that they use several times. One is a triumphant musical sample that tells any audience member that hasn't figured it out already that Remo is a majestic hero - they play it throughout the picture whenever Remo succeeds at something. The second is an slow Asian love song instrumental that is played whenever we should be sad like when Remo finds that if he messes up and the cabal is exposed that Chiun would execute Remo without any reservations. As Chun says - 'It's in the contract'.

The criminal Remo is going after in this film is an evil defence contractor but it could be any bad guy. What we want and keep finding interest in, is the relationship between Remo and Chun.

I am glad to hear that a new film is being produced that will bring the characters back to the big screen. No cast has since been announced but I suspect they will bring in some top action stars. Personally I would like to Jason Statham or Gerald Butler as Remo. I am not sure about Chiun but I want to see someone like Joel Grey who was a song and dance man before taking on this role which was, in my mind, the best of his career. He really caught the essence of Chiun and committed fully to the part. How great would it be to see them cast someone who hasn't made a movie in decades and restart their career with what could be a franchise picture? Or bring in a REAL Asian who has been a star in that part of the world but has never made a picture in North American. Wow us with his talent.

Action, adventure, and comedy can be a deadly cool combination and I loved seeing this movie again after all these years. Somethings never get old.

Remo - "You know Chiun, there are times I really like you."
Chiun - "Of course, I am Chiun"
Remo - "And there are times I really want to kill you."
Chiun - "Excellent. We will practice that after dinner.

Clone Wars Cool

Holy Crap - the 2 part 'Clone Wars' episode (Grievous Intrigue) is fantastic entertainment. Say what you want about the 'Clone Wars' movie that preceded this series but it seemed we had to 'eat our vegetables before we got any dessert'. This stuff is like having cheesecake and ice cream and apple pie for dessert.

I love the stories in this series that focus on the lives of the clone troopers who, while being programed to only fight and to be cannon fodder, have started to ask questions about what it means to be an individual, not just one identical part of a larger machine. The creators have put humanity into a group of iconic 'Star Wars' characters that Papa Lucas never even concidered.

Very nice stuff that makes this series fantastic for adults as well as children. Great action, great visuals, great story. 'nuff said. If you have been avoiding this series because of the bad taste the 'Clone Wars' animated movie left in your mouth then you need to reconsider. Funnest thing I have seen all week.

Caturday Extra

Because this picture is just so FREAKIN' AWESOME!!!


http://gilmoure.tumblr.com/

THIS IS HOW THEY GETCHA!!!

Rose just HAD to post this this morning just to make me crazy all day. How naive is this aquarium worker? She is just allowing that octopus spy to attack her at HIS leisure. You know he is loving hearing her tell everyone what a great predator he is just before he PROVES it. Did you see those sucker marks!?! WTF? I am glad this clip is so short. None of you want to see the following two minutes when he pulls her into the water, pops off her head like the cap on a beer bottle and enjoys the sweet sweet grey matter inside before the Aquarium's S.W.A.T team takes him out with EXTREME prejudice.

Pointless Minutia

I am almost done watching Season One of '24' and Kim Bauer (Elisha Cuthbert) has been kidnapped AGAIN! How many times is that now? 3 or 4 times in one day. Like I said before she gets snatched more often than Robin. It's so deliciously insane. Also, that final gun battle at the dock, when Jack thinks that Kim is dead and he goes all two gun rage on those Serbian bastards was EPIC!

Am I the only one who has a nickname for my cat beyond his already complicated regal name? Like my cat's full name is Admiral Fluffy P. Scootchie-Baloo of the Manhattan Scootchie-Baloos. I mostly just call him 'Baloo' when its just the two of us. He insists, however, that I use his full rank when referring to him in front of the submarine crew. Really can't blame him for that. It's a respect thing.


How great is Doctor Doom? Since the 1960s he has never changed his character one little bit. Still a dickhead, full of attitude and bluster. I have never even seen him crack a joke or at least find something like Dazzler, wiping out while wearing her stupid roller skates, funny. Many have tried to nuance his character but like Uncle Ben staying dead, Doom is a concept that Marvel just doesn't mess with. Magneto should be so lucky. If you ever want to read a very cool graphic novel that looks at how the world would be IF a Doom-like villain actually did take over the world - check out EMPIRE by Mark Waid


Loved the Rose Bowl Parade. They showed a commercial several time for Dick Van Patten's dog food that now comes in a gourmet sausage role (4 pounds worth). Its a REAL product. He does have a dog food company and I suspect now a whole line of pet lingerie. SIGH. It's like Steven Segal going into the fish bait business.



While you are protecting yourself from the menace of the octopus remember that your whole family is also in potential danger, especially your pets. Thanks to one of my favorite tumblrs - Eclectic Banana for the head-up reminder.

Saturdays With Selena

Just because.

Five For Caturday

Yeh I Had To Start The New Year On A Bad Note

How do I get almost six hundred visitors a day and only have 2 or 3 comments to show for a day's worth of posts? I am suspecting that like Super Punch or the Daily What, my prolific posting encourages reading and visits but not much comment. I can't remember the last time I commented on those sites and I visit them several times a day when new posts are added.

Perhaps my numbers are skewed by the fact that people visiting my site several times a day when they get a message that I have posted something new. But then I have been told that I am read by many people on Google reader and those hits are not registered. Who knows what my true numbers are. Could just be one lone nut in hut who spends his days visiting then leaving then visiting then leaving then visiting and leaving again that is responsible for 588 of those daily unique visits.

I am not saying all this to suck in a few more comments I am just wondering if everyone experiences this. I might just be writing about topics that don't really inspire anyone to respond to. My two posts with the most comments came when I blasphemed all over the Bible. Hell I even had the Vatican issuing a 'Fatwah' against me for those. (Again? Really? How many is that now? 26? 27? And no one yet has taken me out? - I guess I am no Salman Rushdie) But I would rather not discuss the hot topics like abortion since you really can't make that topic funny and I do try for the humor if it is there.

99% of my comments come from North America. But I am also viewed in Europe, Australia, and parts of Asia. Do they just come for the pretty pictures? Where are my silent Israel or New Zealand or Moscow connections? I want to hear your comments to so I can visit you blogs and see what voodoo you do. My blog list is mostly a record of people whose sites I visited once they commented on mine. I liked their stuff because I love the variety of styles and topics that people seem passionate about. Mothers who bitch about the kids they love with a vigor not unlike the vigor I put into my anti-octopus rants. Its all very frustrating.

Local Boy Makes Good

I was reading something on TS's blog where he talked about movies that really let us down in the last decade and he mentioned Mike Myers - not the homicidal maniac but the guy who did the 'Austin Powers movies'. When he is on its the funniest stuff around but when he is off its the worst. No middle ground. These are some of my favorite clips for a couple of his best.










Dr Evil - "There really is nothing like shorn scrotum. Its breathtaking. I suggest you try it."

Carrie Fisher - "Okay we gotta stop now."

JUST FREAKIN' AWESOME

I totally hate guns. It's my liberal upbringing maybe or could have to do with all those Batman comics I read as a kid or the fact that my father was a soldier and I knew that there could be times that a gun would be pointed at him. I can use them. I have shot most things that take bullets but I will never own one or use one against another person. Those are just my personal feelings on the matter. However, I would so totally nom nom nom these cool chocolate treats.

http://www.geekologie.com/

Just So Stupid

The year is less than a day old and I am already finding things to bitch about. First and foremost are any pictures like this that show pets wearing glasses, not just those big over sized novelty glasses but New Years specific glasses. Where are their party hats and empty bottles of booze to pose with? It's it just all so stupid. I don't know why this pet owner quirk bothers me so much.

Do I care about the dignity of the pets? Not really because attributing human emotions or trappings or characteristics to them really takes away from what makes them special. They are not furry humans. (Those Wolf Boys in the Mexican circus - now THEY are furry humans.) What makes our pets special is that we have a connection to the wild through them. We have a relationship with another creature, a totally different species that shares this planet with us. And usually that pet is unlike the people in our lives. They are always there for us. I have never heard of a dog or a cat screwing someone over. First of all dogs are too dumb to make the attempt and cats just don't give a shit. They know we can mess up things without their help quite nicely.

Even though they would rip your face off, people would be lining up to purchase their own dinosaur if cloning scientists had their way. There are people working on cloning little shoebox sized velociraptor like dinosaurs even as I write this. Don't you think that when they are successful (and they WILL be - anything that can mess us up always gets created - nuclear bombs, cigarettes, biological weapons, Carrot Top) that everyone will want one? Hopefully Paris Hilton is the first because she wouldn't live a week trapped in the house with those little bastards. Even less so when she starts dressing it up in pirate costume.

So please, people, respect your pet. They don't put crap on you and take pictures while you are sleeping or passed out drunk, do they?

Am I being a hypocrite because I like 'LOL Cats'? No. The message on each one of those accurately expresses what the animal is thinking at the time. How else could humans create those, combining a captured moment with the most accurate caption? You think that stuff is just made up? If you do then you are a very cynical person. Beside have you noticed that the words are usually not spelled correctly. That is because most of your cats have not had formal schooling of any kind. They just pick things up as they go. Why would humans just make those captions up and NOT use spellchecker? Don't you know nutin'?

So in review 'LOL Cats' = good, Wiener Dog in a bun costume = bad.

Fame

I really like this photographic technique. The way they separate young actress Demi Lovato from her fans is an example of 'one picture is worth a thousand words'. It says everything about the cult of celebrity that we are all caught up in to varying degrees. The light of her fame burns so much brighter than the 'ordinary' people around her. What a great visual metaphor. When I taught I would use random photographs to spark interest in creative writing and this is one I am definitely adding to my story ideas folder.

24 Begins - Jack Is Back Bitches!

I really hate to admit this but I have never seen the first season of '24'. I have seen all the subsequent seasons. I got so scared off my the 'events occur in real time' concept. I was afraid that if I missed even one episode I would be too lost to fully enjoy the experience. This is before the time when you could easily download entire seasons. This was before DVRs/PVRs and I am embarrassed to say that it never even crossed my mind to dig out the old VCR and just record the episodes off the tv. CD players didn't have a record feature back then. (I can only imagine what you all think of me now)

Everyone knows that usually once I have seen a movie one time that I rarely see them a second time unless they are particularly great or if they are on television. For example I always watch the 'Matrix' or 'The Hunt For Red October' whenever those are on the satellite and they seem to be every two weeks or so.


Somehow my mother figured that RENTING me the first season of '24' from the library was a better thing than buying it and then having it sit there forever after that.

It's been a trip seeing the whole season one in one shot. All the things you already know about certain characters from later years isn't spoiling my enjoyment now. I am looking for subtle looks, or words, or actions that would have tipped me off earlier to twists I know are already covering. I am hating getting attached to characters knowing that something bad is going to happen to them but comforted by the knowledge that Jack WILL save the day and people who were targeted for death will be okay to be seen in season two.


I particularly like the work of Deniss Haysbert who plays Presidential Candidate David Palmer. He is fantastic in a way I was always hoping Obama would be. I believe that his portrayal of a strong, good man paved the way for the election of Obama and probably tipped the scales in favor of a black President by those who might have been on the fence about the issue. Don't laugh. TV has that kind of power to influence thoughts and behaviors. I love the relationship between President Palmer and Jack Bauer who of course is played by Kiefer Sutherland. The trust between them is fun to see exploited to advance the story. Usually it only took one phone call for Jack to get what he needed to do his job right. Palmer is one of the few who never second guesses Jack.


Haysbert also was very strong for many years in 'The Unit'. He has such a great presence about him. An authority that I find comforting in shows where the characters are always in peril.


I also am loving the first time Elisha Cuthbert became the 'Robin' of this series. If Jack is having the crapiest days anyone can experience, she is a close second. That girl gets kidnapped more than the Boy Wonder ever did. But like her TV Dad she is pretty much indestructible too.

I am so looking forward to the new season beginning in early January. Katee Sackhoff from Battlestar Galactica is joining the cast. I just hope that Jacks granddaughter is not put in any danger but with both her and her mother Kim Bauer showing up in the trailer for the new season I don't hold out much hope that anyone in that family is going to have a 'good' day.

It is going to be great to watch weekly again after getting the full absorption of a season of 24 in one shot. I know like always I will be talking to the screen and screaming like a Beatles's fan with every twist and turn.

Samurai Frog Simplifies It Again

"But here's the thing: there's a big difference between collecting toys and being immature. There's a vastness between loving comic books and being illiterate."



http://samuraifrog.blogspot.com/2010/01/on-death-of-childhood.html

Sandy Claws

I totally disagree with his North Pole labor standards and practices but I gotta respect the fact that he has fought the Cephalopod Menace longer than any of us. On more than one occasion he has made head squid Chthulu his bitch. We can all learn from his experience. I only wish he would get over the need to play 'cowboy' and go off the Reservation and act on his own. But, what are you gonna do? He's Santa.

http://dariuswhiteplume.tumblr.com/

2009 Memories Meme

Before we jump fully into 2010, lets get the last crappy year off our shoes by taking one look back at 2009.

Best Person Of 2009 - Chelsey Sullenburger - felt bad about losing library book after it was ruined in the water landing he made on the Hudson River. Are you kidding me? How awesome a human being is THAT?

Worst Person of 2009 - Carrie Prejean - Former Miss California and current solo artist. When you are more of a hypocrite than Sarah Palin that is saying something.

Best Major Motion Picture For You - 'Hurt Locker' and 'Up'

Worst Major Motion Picture For You - 'Transformers - Revenge of the Fallen'

Best New TV Progam - 'Modern Family'

Best Returning TV Program - '24'

Person Who Most Inspired You - My Mom - she goes to work out everyday and will be 70 this year. I can only hope to be 1/10 the 'Iron Lady' she is.

New Skill You Learned This Year - Humility - I learned that some people don't really appreciate when they are told that their beliefs or likes are stupid - just as much as I hate it when it happens to me.

What Skill You Already Had That You Improved On - My writing. Blogging is awesome for that. To think that so many people would appreciate my crack addled posts and actually 'GET' me (and LIKE me) is both hilarious and validating. I love finding people, who just like me, need only a bit of encouragement to shine.

One Resolution You Know You Can Keep - To become the 'Most Interesting Man in the World'.

Biggest Letdown Of The Year - Lisa - 'nuff said

Blogging Resolution - To continue to only leave positive (though sometimes snarky) comments on other people's blogs. Like my Dad I try to find something to appreciate about everyone's journey and let them know I feel that way. If you do that it is usually returned to you.

Total Silly, Most Self-Centered Regret - Trimming my beard after growing it for more than 2 years. It was almost one of those great Victorian Steampunk facial works of art - SIGH - Starting again from near scratch on that one. I had a hot biker chick in her full leathers come up to me in the bar and stroke my beard and tell me it was the sexist one she had every seen. Are you hearing that? A BIKER CHICK!

Texting is the Fruits Of The Devil.

Not only do you bitches get quality blog from me but you get quality comments. How much must I love the sound of my own brilliance to post comments I make on other sites? Don't answer that. Pearl's post today on texting just got my genius riled up for some reason. At the same time I realize that this is more of a young person's THING...and I must learn to appreciate my lost youth as much as I do. Being bitter and cranky is the BEST part of growing older though.

"There is no fricken' way that I spent two years in Mr Chudobiak's hellish typing class to gather my skills as a superior typist (hell I need an asbestos keyboard) just to go backwards and start becoming a tweeter or a texter. If you think I will just accept your 140 character limits or your stupid ass abbreviations you can suck it. I want my language and my opinion to be meatier than that. I always say. The worst thing you can do is not to at least give me some EFFORT. I respect the attempt.

Besides it gives you huge thumbs and people will think you have toe thumbs like Megan Fox and that is a turn-off baby.

A 'hit and run' conversation reminds me of people who think that only ONE bullet will bring me down. Big Daddy has reminded too many that you don't bring a single shot revolver to a machine gun fight. For that reason I NEED to be OFF the GRID because being ON the GRID is how they GETCHA!!!

GAH..I love your opinions. You always give me something to rant about from the Cave of Cool.

The only text I want from you - if I used the cellphone and got texts would be - 'leave me, leave me here to die, save yourself'...and I would.

I won't go back to 'peasant vision' TV after Satellite - I can't, I WON'T! So what makes you think I will go back to abbreviating everything. Here's an abbreviation for all you punks - F.U."

Problems With The Help

"Very funny Mr Decorator. I leave for a few weeks, come home and find THIS where my new stone breakfast nook should be. If I had come home in the middle of the night and not the next morning I may have had a heart attack. Who put you up to this? Was it that Mrs Neusbalm in 3G??? The one who always bitches that I play my Slim Whitman yodel albums too loud. Well you can tell her from me that what she hears is ALL ME BABY. It's live! Also tell her if I see that yappy little purse poodle of hers pooping in the hallway again he is going down the garbage chute. You tell her. I trust you will have THIS abomination removed by the time I get home and my nook ready as we discussed and agreed upon. Or I will sue you, and all your immigrant help. Do I need to check for green cards? No? Good. We understand each other. GAH!"

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